It seems like my best post ideas have come from Facebook lately. I was on my newsfeed and saw my girl Jou make a post about men not appreciating when women try to make the relationship work until its too late. I replied and said something along the lines of the biggest problem can come from women trying to fix things that they didn’t break in the first place. I think that many of us have this idea of how the relationship should be and if they do X, Y and Z, everything will fall into place. It makes sense in theory but I feel that all of the logical reasoning goes out of the window when dealing with a broken person.
I attempted to play the role of “Ms. Fixer” for so long in my past relationships. With my first boyfriend, I wanted him to see that I was different than the other girls he dated that would do crazy things like key his car up and jump him(even though I don’t think violence is the answer, I found out later exactly why a girl would be driven to that point!) so I let a lot of things go that I should have mentioned. I put up with his temper when he lashed out at me because I wanted to demonstrate patience that I felt his exes lacked. They didn’t understand him or the things he had been through so I wanted to play therapist and nuture him. In trying to build him up and make him a better man, I became weak, fragile and in denial and it took a horrific situation for me to to realize that I wasn’t the broken one in the beginning but because I was trying to fix something that I had no parts in, I ended up falling apart.
This became a pattern for me especially with the last guy I was seeing. We were on and off for two years before I realized that nothing I could say or do would change the way he felt about me as far as taking our relationship to the next level. He had past relationship issues that crept to the surface in bits and pieces. I was taking those bits and pieces and trying to put them back together like a puzzle in order to figure out how to fix things. All of the stress and drama that came with it broke me down and I started feeling like I wasn’t good enough. Again, I tried to fix what I didn’t break but this time, I left before I started falling apart again.
I am trying to be open minded about people and situations that happened before me. Various events in our life don’t always fade away like footprints in the sand but instead leave a permanent dent on our spirit and leave an impression that is cemented in our hearts forever. In order to learn and grow from situations like these, a person has to take a step back and see things for how they really are instead of how he or she wants them to be. Only then can we see if the relationship is built on a solid foundation or if you are the “strong” one trying to hold the broken pieces and broken person together.