I consider myself to be a very confident person or at the very least I force myself to be! So confidence is important to me and I love to see confidence in others, it’s so attractive!!
I wanted to write this blog after being inspired by Angie‘s confidence campaign chat on Spreed Cast Monday night. I thought about what I should write and two main things stuck out to me a childhood story which I believe I’ll share a little later on my blog and what I’m going to share with you today, Ways in which I maintain my confidence.
There are so many attacks on one’s self that I think even the most confident person suffers a hit here and there, many times we often here about how to gain confidence but no one ever talks about how to maintain it. I believe confidence is just self growth it grows as you learn/grow it is an ongoing process, something to be nourished without fear of fullness.
So here goes 4 Ways To Maintain Your Confidence:
1. Affirmation – Self hate is a real problem it can range from the extreme to it’s more common expression; speaking negatively about one’s self. “I’m so stupid”, “I should have known better, what’s wrong with me?” “I’m not ______ enough to do that” Those are just a few examples of the many little thoughts and words we produce about ourselves that we may not realize damages our confidence. So, first I say to you Stop speaking and thinking negatively about yourself!
Every morning I make it a point to look at myself in the mirror (I read somewhere that people rarely, actually look at themselves in the mirror) and I say an affirmation, something like; “You’re hair looks great”, “you sexy thing, you!” lol, “You’re smart”, You’re beautiful” etc. You don’t necessarily have to go that route but every morning you should wake with a positive thought of yourself and really say it, yes SAY IT OUT LOUD! The moment negative thoughts enter your mind about yourself I want you to combat that with an affirmation; “I’m really great at ________, “People love when I make ________or Do ________, “I feel great when I do ________.
2. Inspiration – Sometimes it isn’t that easy to find positivity within ourselves so I make it a point to actively seek it out! Something else I do in the mornings is read, it maybe a book I recently collected or something from my million and one news feeds. Be-careful however to read the right things, in seeking out inspiration and positivity I make sure to follow positive people such as life coaches, pastors (I like), friends who are really positive, I even subscribe to inspirational videos on youtube and download inspirational apps. So with all that I make sure to begin my day by in-taking all this goodness, sharing it from time to time with my friends on Facebook. Another way in which seeking out Inspiration has helped my confidence is that I’ve always kinda seeked role models , Heroines if you will and I truly believe that because of this I’m a confident person because all of my role models were these beautifully diverse, hella confident women, strong-willed and powerful and I so wanted to be like them that I couldn’t be afraid and insecure.
3. Action – This is and will be the most important weapon in your arsenal of confidence boosters!
“Competence, If you lack confidence in a particular area – immersing yourself in study and building your competence will in turn build your confidence.”
…This was said by my Facebook friend Radiant Queenie Johnson last night and I couldn’t have said it better myself! This without fail works 100% of the time, I use this religiously to boost my confidence and self-worth. It is scientifically proven that by setting goals and accomplishing them we internalize the feeling of accomplishment which boosts our feelings of worth and happiness. So how do I make this work for me? I’m constantly challenging myself; recently I set out on a goal to remodel my house, I sand, primed and painted by myself! I re-did my whole kitchen even doing the tiles, well after that I moved on to the bathroom but knew I needed help so I enlisted a professional but still found a creative way for me to do something. I used plaster to create a pattern on every wall of the bathroom and then painted all the walls myself for a nice subtle effect. Every time I’m in there now I look at my work and feel great! No I’m not saying go remodel your bathroom but I am saying set out to do something and do it! OR if there is something that bothers you about you or your surroundings, change it! The change combined with the satisfaction of knowing you did it will be ever so much more sweet!!
I will give you two different examples of what I mean by action, first; I am terribly insecure about my hair not the one on my head but body hair, I look at my mom and I’m like this is your fault! my side burns connect with hair on my chin!!! I have way more facial hair than the average female!!! (I’m 100% sure) anywho what did I do about it? Well first I gave my mom a Laser Hair Removal Groupon Package as a gift and after being satisfied with her results I went and got mine done. (ah yeah ok so yes I used mom as a guinea pig, moving on!) I’m so happy with the results that I’m constantly touching my face now! lol The point is, I took action and fixed something that was causing me to be a little less confident. Second example; I am not the most organized person and can cause clutter in record time like no other, So I force myself to clean, or organize something, anything! and when I’m done I’m always so proud of myself that I give myself a cookie!!! The lesson here is I occasionally turn something I’m not too proud of into a way of praising myself. (This may not work for you but you get the idea)
4. Connections – I also think this is a large tool and resource on your confidence road! Your surrounds plays such a major role on your mental, more importantly the people you surround yourself with can help boost or diminish your confidence. Beware of people who always speak negative about themselves, because negativity is contagious, word sounds are contagious and if they can speak this way about themselves you best believe they will speak this way about you! (Misery loves company).
“Stop surrounding yourself w/ folks who only make withdrawals and connect w/ folks who are making deposits into your life”
The biggest deposits friends and love ones can make into your life is affirmations, encouragement, support but also knowledge character and healthy habits! I am very big into “energy” the energy that I receive from people, places and things. We as people need to stop and realize that we do need each other and we play such important roles in each others lives. Some of the gems I receive comes from my friends and connections.
In terms of confidence I learn from my female friends a lot, we have these really great convos about looks and beauty and they really embrace their flaws and champion their strengths which inspires me to do the same.
Looks are arguably one of the biggest factors working on our confidence today and we have got to really learn how to love ourselves and to realize that what we see in the media is manufactured! . I have always been told by my male friends that I have an unbelievable knack of hanging out with the most beautiful girls. I take this as a compliment, my friends are all very diverse in age, size, looks, complexion and mind! I think this is on purpose it is the way I remind myself that beauty comes in all different shapes and sizes, this is the way I combat the media’s cookie cutter examples of beauty. I surround myself with images of black women, I make a deliberate effort to create different mirrors of what could be and what is so no I don’t feel like I have to be paper-thin, or be of a certain complexion or have certain hair. If you are not a person that antagonizes over your looks and flaws help your friends to figure out a way that they can get to the stage of confidence, we have to build each other up.
I don’t know everything about confidence and that’s OK! I know what I know and I shared it with you!! I hope that you can take something from this and really relate it to your life!!! Because your walking this life and you above everyone else has to love you!!!!!
Encourage yourself, believe in yourself enough to do! Seek support and inspiration, understand that no one is perfect, rinse and repeat!