“And in that moment I swear we were infinite”
The Perks of Being A Wallflower
I was up late last night thinking about all the problems that I have to deal with . Bills, family troubles, relationship ish, the list goes on and on and I wondered when did these problems begin? When did my mother start letting me know about the issues between her and my father? When did I start worrying about not being able to find “the one” that I want to spend the rest of my life with? Most importantly, when did I become an adult and why didn’t anyone warn me about all the stress and drama that came with it? I wanted to remember a time where everything seemed possible and the people around me were as carefree and happy as I was and the first memory that popped into my mind was when I was in 6th grade hanging out with my girl Regina on her porch looking at the clouds. We would make up silly games out of songs and everything felt right in those moments. My dreams weren’t so crazy back then and we didn’t have to worry about having money for the rent or taking care of others because we had people looking out for us. I thought that feeling of comfort and security would last forever and I would be able to go through life knowing that everything would be alright. As time went by, things started to change. People started to change and that world that I once felt so secure in no longer existed. I wondered to myself was it all in my head. Maybe I saw what I wanted to see instead of what was really there. Whatever happened, happened and I had to face reality and grow up.
Even though I no longer wear rose-colored glasses when it comes to how I view the world, I still find happiness and peace in the little things in life. Moments shared between friends, kisses and intimate touches shared between my significant other and inside jokes that only my mother and I understand bring those same feelings that I had when I was 12. Although I am a grown woman who has to use the cards that life dealt me to the best of my ability, there will always be those moments that make me realize that through all the struggle and the pain, I am exactly where I need to be and although everything around me may be changing, my dreams are still the same and now instead of just looking at the clouds on my friend’s front porch and imagining what could be, I can make my dreams a reality and because of that, I am hopeful and determined.