I know its been a couple of weeks since my last post but for once, I have a valid reason for my lack of inspiration. Two weeks ago, my father ended up in a coma caused by a stroke, The doctors said the damage was so severe that it was unlikely that he would recover and if he were to wake up, he would most likely be blind and not able to speak. When I heard that news, it felt like my world had shattered into pieces. Since my father was staying in Florida with my grandmother, I couldn’t rush to the hospital and my mom had to fly down to handle things but I had to stay with my brother because he is autistic and needs someone to be with him . In my mind, nothing would ever be the same after that and I felt guilty because although my dad and I were talking to each other and I wasn’t mad at him at the time, I felt as if I would never get the chance to tell him that in spite of all of our arguments and bad times, that I always have and always will love him. Regardless of the issues that him and my mother had, he was always present in my life and everyone kept telling me how proud he was of me and how much he gushed about me and wanted me to be happy and safe. Hearing those words from others made me cry even more because I felt that I didn’t appreciate him enough. When my grandmother called to tell me and my mom what happened, I assumed it was my father calling and I was slightly annoyed because he called and always needed me to do something. Now when he really needs help the most, I feel helpless. Everyone keeps telling me to pray and I have and he’s defying the odds because he said a few words to my mother and grandmother and he may have vision in one eye so we all are remaining hopeful.
As all of this was going on with my father, I had events and previous hosting engagements to attend and since I couldn’t be there with him in Florida, I wanted to follow through on all of my plans and make something of myself so I could feel deserving of the positive things he said about me to others. My father’s current predicament has made me realize that we have to treasure every moment we have and not take anything or anyone for granted. I am not sure what the future holds but I promised myself that I would give my all in whatever it is I set out to do and to let go of any negative energy holding me back. If I get a chance to have a real conversation with my father, I would tell him that he is why I am starting to realize how precious life really is and I won’t take anyone, especially him for granted anymore. We are forever connected and even if we aren’t able to speak with our words, I know that our love is strong enough to transcend space and time.
Much love to all of you and remember to