I tend to take part in #ThrowbackThursdays on Instagram now and then but have been hesitant at times because thinking about the past brings up some unwanted memories. Many of those tie in to my adolescent life. In earlier posts, I have talked about the shy, awkward person I used to be when I was a teenager and how I wasn’t sure of who I was or where I wanted to go. I didn’t have confidence in myself so I would just stay to myself for the most part and read and surf the internet as a way to escape. I always thought that if I was a bit thicker and didn’t have the glasses or the braces that I would be somebody special but after gaining a few pounds, wearing contacts and losing the braces, the amazing transformation I expected still wasn’t obvious in my eyes. It was then that I realized that what I needed wasn’t something tangible like contacts or curves. I needed to have confidence in myself and walk with my head held high and no matter what anyone thought of me, my opinion of myself was what mattered most. The so-called “popular” girls had it (or at least faked it) and the same could be said for the guys. I could look like a movie star but unless I possessed that power in my presence, none of it would matter. It took me a few years after high school to fully realize this and when I finally did, I decided to work my way to becoming the best version of myself.
I had a problem maintaining eye contact because when I was in school and someone made me feel uncomfortable, my eyes would shift downward or focus on something non-threatening instead of looking the person in the eye to show that I was trustworthy, honest and most importantly, someone who should be taken seriously. This was crucial when meeting new people especially in job interviews because non-verbal contact speaks volumes. Next,I told myself that I would work on my posture when walking because slouching and walking with my head down can appear as if I am sad or upset even if that isn’t the case. The biggest change I have tried to make in my life was speaking up for myself. I used to let people talk to me any old kind of way and when things bothered me, I would let it slide to avoid confrontation but now I feel that to be true to myself, I have to speak my mind no matter what the consequences are. I feel that as long as my intentions are good, speaking out is the right thing to do. I still slip up from time to time and can fall back into patterns from the past but now I am conscious of it and try to correct them as soon as they rise to the surface.
If I could talk to the Angela that existed 10 years ago, I would tell her that the voice that should be her motivation and guiding force in life should be her own. Confidence is something that comes from within and people can sense it from a mile away. It’s just like when a predator is hunting for its prey, people who spot weakness and insecurity in others will use that to their advantage and attack when they feel that you are at your most vulnerable. I have learned that from experience the most influential people aren’t the ones that spend hours in the mirror making sure they are seen so they can put on a show for the world. They are the ones who stay true to themselves and what they believe in even if they stand alone from time to time. I strive to be that person that ignites positive change from being completely honest with everyone who comes on “Amore Luxe”, the people I meet in my day-to-day travels and most important, stay true to all the things that are of value to me. These things cannot be seen with the eyes but can be felt with the heart and I hope that I am able to spread the positive energy and encourage others to be open and free from the constraints others may try to place on you. That is my mission and I plan to follow through on it!
Always remember to love and live luxuriously!