“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.”
Every time I would hear/read this quote, I thought to myself how much sense it made but never applied it in my life. Last week however, I had an” insanity” moment. There I was sitting in my room with the guy I have been dating for the past 3 years when it hit me . Nothing was changing in our relationship even though I wanted it to and I realized its because I looked at the situation solely from my point of view and feeling trapped because of my emotions instead of looking at the situation fromanother perspective and seeing it for what it really was. I have said time and time again that you can’t change someone’s behaviors to make them think/act the way you see fit. I believed this but yet I kept behaving the same way hoping that things would change and would become super frustrated/irritated when they didn’t. After he left, a light bulb of sorts clicked on in my head and I said that I can’t keep doing this to myself so I have to be the one to change. No matter what happens, I need to be true to myself and what I want out of life. I hadn’t been doing that because I put someone else’s needs/desires before my own. Being selfless isn’t necessarily a bad thing but when you lose yourself in the process, it is time to take a step back and reevaluate the situations and choices that you have made. I told myself from that moment, I would fall back from our situation for a bit and do what I felt was best for me.
I needed a break from us and instead of being predictable (always being available when he called/texted) I would take the time out to figure out what I really wanted and make it clear that I would no longer continue to settle to appease him. I also told myself that I would be more open to meeting new people instead of putting more effort and energy into a situation that had me in a stagnant place. I don’t want to jump into anything serious but I just want to let things happen naturally. When I am so wrapped up in a situation, its hard to see any other outcome besides the one I want and when things don’t work out the way I planned, I tend to feel like I failed. I am trying to look at my so-called “failures” as lessons that I can take with me along this journey that is life. I know with every misstep I take, I am being directed on the path that will bring me love, success and happiness. I have to allow positive change to guide me and stop being so resistant to the unknown. I am not sure what will happen with me and the guy but I know that I can’t let fear of failure be the reason that I am willing to fight for someone and something that may not be worth fighting for. If I allow that to happen, my life will be the epitome of insanity and I don’t have time for it:) I have to continue to make moves and this week and this post is the first step! Much love to you all and I hope everyone has a great week:)
Always remember to love and live luxuriously!