Falling In Love With Myself

fallinginlovewithmeeditGood Morning everyone! Over the weekend, I was reflecting on my life in the (almost) 29 years I have been on this earth and how every decision has brought me to this epiphany I’ve had over the last couple of days. Even though the bad times and situations have felt like stumbling blocks, they have taught me a lot about myself and life. I thought about the person I was 10 years ago and how much I have changed and because of those changes, I view life and the people who enter it differently. I have grown a lot since I entered my first relationship 10 years ago when I was 19 and very naive when it came to love and the opposite sex. I thought that if you did everything to please your partner and showed that you were a loyal and trustworthy person, he/she would be the same way and  love would “conquer all” as the saying goes.  After dealing with emotional abuse as well as infidelity, I realized that even though being faithful and genuine wasn’t enough to save that relationship or any relationship since, love can conquer all but this only counts when the person I am in love with is myself.

For so long, I put others’ opinions and feelings before my own and would live in fear that I wouldn’t be pretty/thick/experienced/sexy enough for someone’s love and affection. I would always be the timid geeky little girl that I was growing up that was seen as smart but not confident enough to get out of her own way and try new things. I was so worried about impressing others and becoming this new and improved version of myself that I didn’t realize that I had to stop falling in love with other people and exaggerated expectations and start falling in love with myself for anything in my life to change and go in a positive direction.

Falling in love with myself isn’t an easy task. I knew that the first step required me to be brutally honest with myself. I have to work on fixing the internal mess that is going on versus trying to fix the external trying to please others. A person that truly loves themselves doesn’t settle for less than they deserve. When you love yourself, along with that love comes self-respect and when it comes to all of your relationships, you realize that anyone you are involved is a reflection of the type of person you are and the decisions you have made. I realize that after my first failed relationship, a string of other failures followed because I settled for living in undefined gray areas instead of being specific and clear about what I wanted out of the relationship from the beginning. Even though I knew that the men I was dealing with weren’t ready to commit, I settled hoping that things would change (specifically me trying to change them) instead of seeing things as they were instead of what I wanted them to be. Maya Angelou once said “When someone shows you who they are, believe them” but instead, I chose to live in an ongoing state of denial because I was afraid of being alone. This denial not only hindered me from being in a productive, balanced relationship but it also hindered me from truly loving the person that I had to face the person in the reflection staring back at me.

I am at a point now where I am not actively looking for someone to be with. I know that what is meant to be will be and if “Mr. Right for me” happens to come along, I will embrace it but my priority is to start giving “Angela Cherai” the time and attention she deserves. I say the Serenity Prayer daily asking God to grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference and in doing so, I have found clarity that has opened my eyes to a world of possibilities that I didn’t know were there. One of my goals is to be a living example of someone who can inspire others to want the best for themselves. I know now that a person can’t find happiness, success and positive self-worth in other people or things. He/she has to find these attributes from within and loving yourself is the foundation that everything positive is built upon. It isn’t an overnight process but everyday I am a step closer to where I need to be and my goal is for the person reading this to be where you need to be as well:)

The 1st anniversary for “Amore Luxe” is approaching (as well as my 29th birthday) so stay tuned for the month-long celebration and all the “confidence talks” to go along with it!

And as always, remember to love and live luxuriously!

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