Disconnect

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“So how come when I reach out my fingers, it seems like more than distance between us?”

Good Afternoon! I’ve tried to think of something to write about all weekend but nothing came to mind. So I gave up and decided to watch “Luke Cage” on Netflix at the suggestion of one of my friends Saturday night. I’m not a comic book fan so I didn’t think I would be able to get into the show but Saturday night turned into Sunday morning and then after sleeping and running errands, I finished the season Sunday evening. I really love the idea of a black superhero wearing a hoodie in the Black Mecca that is Harlem. The premise alone had me hooked but there was one conversation Luke had with his friend/potential love interest that sealed the deal. Luke was talking about a woman that he loved but ended up betraying him and was reminiscing on all that they went through. Here’s how part of the conversation went:

Luke: You ever hold someone in your arms.Hear them breathing against your chest. And you’re in one emotional place and they’re in another and you have absolutely no idea what they’re thinking?

Claire:  It’s called having a boyfriend.

I had to stop and rewind that scene because those lines hit home for me. Even though Claire was being funny, she was on point as it relates to trying to understand your significant other. I know what it feels like to feel like the person that you are with really isn’t in tune to how you are feeling. Your feelings for this person are so strong and you are in this moment with them and you are physically close because of your embrace but mentally, the two of you couldn’t be further apart. There is a disconnect and you lie there wondering how did you guys get to this point and is there any coming back from it.

There were many instances where I felt this way with the last guy I was seeing. My feelings ran deep and it just felt like no matter what I said or did, it wasn’t resonating with him the way everything he did resonated with me. It was like looking at a blank canvas sometimes because I couldn’t tell if we were on the same page or if he felt anything real for me at all. It was frustrating being with someone who didn’t seem to care one way or the other about my feelings because instead of seeing the love and pain that lied deep within myself reflected in his eyes, I saw nothing. Over time, I became fed up and started to mimic his behavior and that included disconnecting from him. Less intimate touches and embraces but more importantly, I no longer tried to understand what was going on inside of his head and didn’t care what he thought about my lack of emotion. Talking soon ceased and I stopped initiating contact with him.  The physical disconnect finally reflected the mental disconnect that had lingered between us for as long as I could remember. Even though it took a minute to realize that this wasn’t healthy, it taught me a lot about myself. Some of us tend to keep pushing and trying to figure their partner out but when someone has checked out of the relationship, there is nothing you can do. You end up become a watered down version of yourself putting more time and effort into a situation and the actions are not being reciprocated. It took a series of disappointments and withdrawal from both sides to realize that we were stagnant and it was best to leave before I ended up becoming “disconnected” permanently.  Every lesson is a blessing and this experience taught me that sharing a real connection with your significant other is essential for the relationship to grow and thrive. Disconnection leads to disappointment so make sure you address those behaviors before it’s too late. Now that I know better, I’ll do better in my next relationship. Hopefully it will be the last! fingers crossed

 

Let me know what you think by liking/commenting/sharing! I’m trying to post at least 3x a week so stay tuned for my next post coming tomorrow. Much love to you all!

 

Always remember to love and live luxuriously!

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2 thoughts on “Disconnect

  1. Pingback: Photograph | Amore Luxe

  2. another great job Angela 🙂 love it

    Like

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