Confidence….Are You Living It?

Screenshot_2013-09-05-10-54-35-1It’s been a long hiatus but I’ve returned. I’m excited to be a part of “The Confidence Campaign” with my girl Angie. It has me observing and studying not only what makes others confidence but also myself. Along with things I’m not too confident about. It’s not something I think too much about but then again I do. I follow a lot of relationship pages on Facebook and mainly there are stories from women in these complicated relationships but also pages where men go to vent as well. I’m always reading stories by anonymous people in situations that I’m just not here for. I know many would say that it’s easy to say “that would never be me” because I’m not in that relationship or I just haven’t found that someone I would go through hell with. But the thing is there is a difference between going through hell with someone and someone giving you hell. And truth is I’ve been in one of those relationships. Not necessarily someone giving me hell, but in the midst of drama, heartache, and insecurity with someone who didn’t make me feel confident until I realized that’s not their job to do but my own.

In my own life, I had an ex “cheat” on me and I remember feeling like someone punched me in my stomach. Someone I loved and someone I wanted did something so hurtful. I found out over the phone and I can remember hanging up the phone and with so many thoughts running through my head, but I didn’t want to cry and I didn’t. About two hours later after sulking in my feelings I thought of my mother and I heard a voice tell me, “Daughter, you are worthy. You’re just not living like it.” I was supposed to go to ex’s house later that day to “work things out” but I didn’t. I felt ashamed of myself because I knew the kind of woman God wanted me to be. I wasn’t living a life that made me proud, my mother proud or God proud. That day I gained the greatest confidence. That was the last time I spoke to my ex other than a 2 line message I sent him about a piece a mail I received that was his. It’s been almost 4 years. At the end of the day we are all worthy but not too many people are living like it. And now I dedicate a lot of time and energy to help people change their mind about themselves. It doesn’t matter how we look, how much money we have, or how well we dress, we should all have the confidence that we should be loved and respected; If not by others, at least enough by ourselves to not remain in the company of those who don’t. My favorite thing to tell people is, you first should meet the standard for the kind of love you want and deserve. Anyone who can’t match or exceed that standard needs to be cut loose. At the end of the day, you still have you. And that’s SOMEBODY.

❤ Tendra

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Becoming A Bigger And Better Woman

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If you follow Jada Pinkett Smith you’d find her post to be very positive and thought provoking. Today she posted a picture of herself and Will’s Ex-Wife Sheree, who is also the mother of Will’s first child Trey. She explains in her post, “When Trey’s mother, Sheree, and I took this photo, we were not the women we eventually became. This was a moment when we BOTH made a decision to be BIGGER, to be BETTER, not just for our family but for ourselves as well.” I think many women can relate to Jada and Sheree’s unique situation but many times choose the low road and stay on that path by remaining bitter and hateful toward each other. It’s even more sad to see that even in situations when NEITHER woman shares a man’s last name and children in the middle, a lot of fighting and arguing go on between women who just can’t seem to let bygones be bygones. But these women I truly admire. Although both are in the spotlight and linked to a very well-known actor, it could have been very easy for them to act all out and let the tabloids tear their lives and their families apart. But they found it in themselves, no matter what ill feelings that tried to rise up, to become bigger and better women for themselves and their families. I’ve spoken on the topic of feelings before. Although they are very good indicators of what’s going on inside of us, it is very important to keep a somewhat tight reign on them. It’s okay to show emotion but we must try our best to control our feelings because they can be misleading and sometimes make a turn for the worst if we just let them control us. I’m pretty sure these two women had some feelings and emotions that sometimes seemed uncontrollable but they worked through them and have created a beautiful and stable environment for their children to live in and appreciate each role their parents play in their life. I encourage all women to take note and to think twice before writing off another woman just because she is dating or even married to someone you were once involved with. Of course taking time away to get yourself together after an initial break-up in understandable, but at some point (especially if children are involved) you should want to become BIGGER and BETTER!

~Ten

Sometimes You Can’t Win For Losing

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By now many of you have heard the new song released/leaked by Beyonce called “Bow Down.” The song is probably her most “cocky” to date. But unlike many, I’m not mad her, in fact I UNDERSTAND! Lately, I’ve been quick to say I’m not a Beyonce stan although it seems I’m coming to her defense a lot more these days but I just didn’t want people to think I was one of those people who sit around on the computer and wait for others to say something negative about her and then is quick to check anyone who gets “out of line.” Believe me it’s not that serious. But with her coming out with this new song was a perfect example of how you can never satisfy everyone. For the longest, Beyonce has been the most bullied female artist. Even though her character and work ethic (as far as the public can see) has been one of the best. But still she is overly critiqued (In my opinion) on what type of music she releases, the clothes she wears, the type of dancing she does, the man she chose to marry, even down to the child she carried for 9 months in her own womb. People all over have been fed up with what seem to be Beyonce’s “perfect” image/life. To them, NO ONE could be this squeaky clean or on point and needed Beyonce to act less than a lady when it came down to her personality and wanted her to somehow “lose” at something. A few weeks back my girl Angie posted a part of a speech at the Essence Magazine Black Women in Hollywood event from Gabrielle Union about how she used to celebrate in the misfortunes and gossiping rumors of her sister actresses or anyone else she felt threatened her spotlight, but then realized how as women we should be looking to uplift each other not bask in joy when we see a sister in hot water. http://theangielalaexperience.com/2013/03/04/womens-history-month-a-lesson-from-gabrielle-union-on-uplifting-others/ I related so much to what she was saying because it wasn’t too long ago I was the same way. It wasn’t until one day I just saw who I was becoming. Every day “I HAD” to go to an infamous blog site, that will remain nameless, to read the latest gossip which now I see was the absolute worst. Because no matter how silly, untrue, or hurtful the story was, I wanted to read about it. Although I dared not believe everything I read on that site, I was still feeding a hateful, jealous, and hurtful spirit that I was already praying to God to be that light to outshine. In Proverbs 4:23 it says, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” I was letting all kinds of foolishness into my heart. I ended up going on a fast and I didn’t go onto any blogs, whether positive or negative, for 31 days. It was hard, I would see links in my newsfeed on Facebook and wanted to click but I knew there was something great that was going to come out of it. By the end of my fast, I never clicked on another negative blog site that would promote such trash.

I say all that to say most of these sites would always have stories of Beyonce and the comment section would just be full of hate. Of course she has her millions of fans but there are people out there that say really harsh things and for 15 years Beyonce has been very quiet and has always put on a smile even though she has expressed heartache and pain through her music from professional to personal trials. Although I don’t particularly like using words like “B****” I want to let Beyonce live. So many were getting on her for being so nice, and now people are getting on her because she’s being cocky and explicit? Saying she’s 30 and she’s a mother. Um I can just about guess how many mothers out there doing way worse than Beyonce and a lot older than she is. This woman has worked hard, married, THEN had her baby. My mom has done things that weren’t too “lady like” when she was younger and she has shared those things with me even though she didn’t have to, to teach me and so that I may learn from her and how to become better. If you’re sensitive and can’t handle the language she uses, simply don’t listen to it. And if you’re not one of those people who have been hateful towards her, and called her names when you don’t know her personally, no need to get offended because SHE’S NOT TALKING TO YOU. But if you are one of those people and have been a Beyonce bully, how does a taste of your own medicine feel like? Many people aren’t even aware of her song “I Can’t Take No More” that leaked a few years back that’s a softer approach to her haters.
“It’s really been weighing on me,
tell me what did I do?
To have ya’ll hatin on me,
when I don’t have nothin’ to prove.
Sometimes I shake my head,
when I’m layin’ down in my bed.
Thinkin’ ’bout the things been said,
when you really don’t know me yet.”
Towards the end she even sings very softly as if she’s a small kid pleading to her school bully to “Leave me alone, leave alone.”
So don’t blame Beyonce, blame yourself. You pushed her over the edge and now you must pay! A number 1 single telling you to “Bow Down” lol.

“Never Fear Having To Switch To Plan B”….A Lesson From Judge Lynn Toler

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“I have heard from several of you who are feeling defeated.
I want you to stay encouraged.

I always say my best moments follow my darkest hours:

1.I really wanted to be a doctor but I went to law school because I couldn’t do the math to get into med school.
2. I ran for judge, in part, because I could see the writing on the wall at my job. I couldn’t bring in clients. I wasn’t going to progress and I might have been let go!

Never fear having to switch to Plan B. Hope all of you who are struggling hang in there.”- Judge Lynn Toler from the TV show “Divorce Court”

~Ten