Not On The First Date


What is a woman to do at 1 a.m. when she cant sleep (hasn’t blogged in eons) and needs to be up in 3 hours? I know! Browse Facebook until she gets sleepy. Here it is, all hours of the darkness and I reach for my tablet and illuminate the dark with its bright little screen.

Smile at video of a dad taking his daughter on a date.
Hmm… What’s this?

And so it begins. I came across a post in one of my forums about a female who had recently wrapped up her first date with a guy. I just knew this was going to be entertaining so, I refilled my cup of tea, wrapped the covers around me, turned up the brightness on my tablet and read on. She was in utter shock and appalled that she offered to pay and he actually LET her pay. Excuse me, let me be more precise, she said she “cutsie haggled”. Then concluded by asking if she was wrong for feeling “some kind of way”.

So many violations here I didn’t even bother to count them off. AFTER I caught my breath from laughing uncontrollably I had to inquire what exactly is “cutsie” haggling? Then it occurred to me its that random thing women do when they are trying to flirt and attempt to umm “put up a fight”. Ladies, you know the scenario.

Guy: I got the dishes

You: That’s ok, I can get it.

Guy: You sure?

You: Dont worry, I got it.

Dishes, laundry, and unscheduled trips to the store are all game for “cutsie” haggling. However, on the first date if anyone mentions dutch I would hope they are talking about apple pie.

I hear alot of people say dutch has no place in first date conversation. I beg to differ. You can have a very enlightening conversation involving dutch. Let’s see… You can talk about how the DUTCH created bluetooth technology, or how the DUTCH were the first to breed orange carrots (carrots weren’t originally orange), you can even talk about the artist Rembrandt. He’s DUTCH!

First date etiquette,  who is paying should already be established. I’m sure there are millions of different opinions, circumstances and situations that could vary the outcome of that instance. However, to my ladies don’t ask questions you don’t want the answers to.

As an onlooker, I was more shocked that she offered to than by his willingness to allow her to do so. You would have to miss me with that ENTIRE line of thinking.

( 0_0 )  “get that outta here”
  <)  )/
     | \

I am all for a woman having the capacity to pay for her kick it, her bills and what not, but if a man wants your time and attention and wants to take YOU out there is nothing to turn down but your collar. There is absolutely nothing wrong with allowing a man to treat you respectfully, and like you are the special creation that you are. Before you get your panties in a bunch, hear me out. Even though there are men who would not dare compromise their gentleman status because of this, ask any guy and many guys will admit that when a woman exhibits too many independent (not self sufficient, there is a difference) behaviors they tend to get the impression she isn’t too interested in being treated like a lady.

I think the most interesting and entertaining part about her post were the comments. There were dozens of comments about how wrong he was for allowing her to pay and plenty of admonishment towards her even forming the thought to ask to pay. I can just hear my mother in my head now, ” You bet not let me catch you THINKING about nothing like that!”, lol.

What say you? Do you think they share responsibility for their thought processes or do you think one party was more responsible than the other? I can’t wait to hear your thoughts!

Can I handle the truth: Day 1 Something I Hate About Myself


You know… I’ve done the 30 Days of Truth challenge before however, never with an audience. So bare with me while I bare my soul. I’m finding it particularly interesting and somewhat intimidating to lay all my cards on the table.

In the interest of stepping out and just being confident here it goes…

Something I hate about myself, hmmm when I first answered this question my response was something like this

I hate (had to dig deeper than I expected for this one) my frequent tendency to be so hard on myself.

Since I was a little girl I have this horrible tendency to be hard on myself. If a story wasn’t quite right, or my latest creation wasn’t the equivalent of my vision (never mind that people applauded and exalted my efforts/accomplishments) I would beat myself up over it repeatedly until I was satisfied with the revisions.  I am a repeat offender because throughout school, college and my adult life I manage to find something to beat myself up about. A pie that didn’t get the perfect golden brown I wanted, a clean room where I’ve remembered to clean the base boards, light switches, door knobs and electronics but didn’t quite get the grout as good as I expected.

So with that truth out in the open, I guess that’s one more thing on my bucket list: Stop being so hard on yourself.

Today I am proud to say I’m nowhere near as brutal on myself as before. Although, my alternative is not too much better. I hate the fact that I now become discouraged a lot more than I use to. I guess the stress of living my dreams is more than I bargained for. In the grand scheme of things I’ve come to accept that it pays to have friends because I undoubtedly would be more than just discouraged if it weren’t for them.

They say admit it and quit it, hopefully by day 30 I’ll have it under control. Til tomorrow!


-B. Soul

Can You Handle The Truth?


Here we are weeks into the Angielala Experience Confidence Campaign and we are excited about whats to come! The month of October is a new phase of the campaign, we have all kinds of great stuff in store for you all. My favorite is called 30 Days of Truth.

30 Days of Truth is a blogging/writing challenge we want to share with all of our fans and followers out there in the universe. Each day of the challenge presents and different question to answer. Have no fear, we here at The Angielala Experience will be answering them too. What better way to delve into what makes you confident or what takes away from it than to be totally honest with yourself! To do so you have to channel your inner Raphael Saadiq and get involved.

Here’s what the first few days of the challenge look like:

Day 1 — Something you hate about yourself.
Day 2 — Something you love about yourself.
Day 3 — Something you need to forgive yourself for.
Day 4 — Something you need to forgive someone else for.
Day 5 — Something you hope to do in your life.

Feel free to grab a pen, paper, or your favorite internet connected electronic device and prepare for an awesome experience. We want to hear from you because your experiences are so awesome. You can do the challenge individually, or with friends. You can even share on Facebook in the Angielala Experience, leave comments on the site or share via Twitter #theconfidenceexperience.

I’m challenging you to 30 Days of Truth… Can YOU handle the truth?

Sure vs Unsure

download (2)

Over the years society (media in particular) has bombarded individuals with overwhelming images to keep you in a perpetuated cycle of self defeating behavior. Which got me to thinking… am I sure or unsure?

Some of you out there may remember the deodorant commercial where the would show people who used “their” brand versus a competitor. Each scene would show a confident persons arms raised high, smiling, saying “SURE”, the other would frown and be embarrassed to raise their arms “UNSURE”. I got the biggest laugh out of that commercial.


By the end of my rant I am in high hopes that you will be sure. If not, you will leave with some tips that can help get you there.

Slogans like B.Y.O.B. (be your own best friend) have been around for years. The song by De La Soul “Me, Myself and I” is an anthem for confidence across the country, but how to does a person start on that journey? Well to start with:

Accept Failure: Failure is a natural process. It has to happen in most cases for us to understand what to do better. If you don’t believe me check out Angielala post Rejection: The other motivation killer

Maintain or make eye contact: Whenever you are nervous roaming eyes can convey to the other person that you may not know what you are talking about, or that you are simply not confident. Maintaining eye contact when interacting with people is a sure way to convey your confidence.

Speak clearly: As a child my mother would become agitated with me for mumbling and now as an adult I can see why. When you do not speak clearly it makes communication more challenging and when someone has to ask you to repeat yourself  because of not speaking clearly it just screams “I AM NOT CONFIDENT”.

Be aware of your non verbal communication: In various studies it has been recorded that more than 50% of our communication as humans is non verbal. What does that mean for you on your journey to confidence? It means you should listen to your grandmother, mother, uncle or to whomever in your life that use to give you this lecture, ” Get your hands out of your pockets and stand up straight, shake people’s hand firmly and always look them in the eyes.” Either there are some extremely clairvoyant people in the world who knew I was going to write this post in the year 2013 OR there are just some wise people in the universe. (I’m banking on the latter of the two…)

-Grooming: I’m not usually ranting about the superficial aspect of life however, no one can deny that some days a tucked in shirt and fresh breath can get your further than the latest fashion trends. While we tend to emphasize style and trends sometimes we forget to encourage the simple things. Hair cuts, ironing clothes and clean nails can say tons about an individual. If you care about yourself, then you can be/appear confident or more confident to other people.

-Fake it til you make it: Don’t act all shocked and surprise that I said it! I am aware that I just spent several paragraphs being prim and polished, but lets be real sometimes red bottoms and Windsor knots aren’t enough to keep you going. So here I am encouraging you to use your imagination when your new hair-do or new suit isn’t sufficient to cure your “case of the Mondays”;  be your own biggest fan.

And last but definitely not least…

-Appreciate Success

I could write an entirely separate post on this, but I won’t. I’m going to wrap it up, I promise… Once you’ve accomplished your goal its alright to want more, just don’t diminish how far you’ve already come. Or as I like to call it, When feeling good goes bad

Til next post, be happy, be inspired and be confident.