Quarantine Diaries #4: How To Stay Positive

Good Afternoon! Its been 2 months since my last post and I told myself that I wasn’t going to let that happen again especially since I have so much free time being at home but I fell into a rut of sorts again that I needed to deal with before I could come back on here and offer words of advice. I never want to act like everything is fine when its not but at the same time, I always want to be the best version of myself whether I am providing services for my clients or providing content on here for my readers. I have had good days and not so good days but after having a discussion with my boyfriend, I was able to realize that changing my mindset and approach even when I can’t change your surroundings or current circumstances is crucial to my mental well-being. It is easier said than done especially in today’s climate but it is necessary for me to stay positive and attract good energy into my life.

A couple of days after my birthday, I took a week off from social media because all of the sadness as a result of the murder of George Floyd hit me hard. I don’t normally post about current events or political news because its an area that I am not well versed in but I did share my sadness, anger and frustration on Instagram and Facebook before I took a break. Even though I was tempted to sign in so I could see the posts that my friends were talking about in our group chats, I realized that being away from the constant news cycle from my Instagram and Facebook feeds helped me to get my mind and spirit back on track. I started reading more and focusing on the goals that I want to accomplish which helped me not focus on what I was missing online so when I signed back on the following week, my spirit didn’t feel as heavy as it had prior to my break. I won’t lie and say that seeing the videos and images of the protests, riots and new cases hasn’t had an effect on me but I know that I am not controlled by my phone, iPad or any other devices and if it gets to be too much, I can turn them off and take that moment for myself to get back on track. I am not saying that you have to take an extended break from it all but it is good to take a break sometimes because seeing all of these things while being in quarantine can emotionally drain you so a break of any kind can help ease those feelings a bit.

The goal is not merely to survive but to thrive and it is okay to not be okay sometimes but know that you will get through whatever it is you are going through because your thoughts and actions can control your perspective on life. Even if you are working from home and your boss/coworkers/employees are driving you crazy, try to see that they are probably feeling the same way about their current situations and are lashing out in other ways which include making your life a bit harder. I am not saying to put up with the stress and drama but the way you approach situations will change the way people respond to you. Everything will not always be peachy keen but by not allowing yourself to get caught up in your emotions or playing victim and being able to see the role you play in everything that happens will allow you to be free of the stress and frustration that is holding you back and have a brighter outlook on life. I am currently working on this as it relates to dealing with my mother who stresses me out to no end but I am finally starting to realize that I don’t have to let any negativity she is dealing with seep into my consciousness and to not take everything she says or does so personally. As I previously stated, everyone is dealing with their issues in their own way and you cannot change their actions but you can change the way you react to them.

In addition to working on my mental/emotional well-being. I want to improve my physical health. While most people have gained weight during quarantine, I’ve lost 15 pounds and while I am happy that I am at my goal weight, I didn’t lose the weight in a healthy way. Anxiety and stress caused me to lose my appetite so I only ate once a day and when I did eat, I consumed junk that’s loaded with empty calories. I told myself that quarantine was going to be the time where I started eating healthy and I did eat healthy for about two days before I went back to my old habits. I want to tone up and eat healthier to maintain my current weight and the only way this will happen is if I stop making excuses and focus on what I want for myself in the future instead of focusing on the present. I have a bad habit of quitting when things don’t come easy to me but nothing that is easy is ever truly worth it whether its dieting, going after professional goals, dating, whatever! Everything and everyone that is truly worth having requires work and instead of being lazy and unmotivated, I gotta get off my ass and do the work. I know exactly what I want and what it takes to get it and pushing myself to be the best version of myself will add value and purpose to my life. Most importantly, I will be able to lead by example which is one of the main reasons why I started Amore Luxe in the first place. As much as I appreciate your support, I want you to call me out when I am bsing so make sure you comment on here or on my IG/FB page and tell me to get my fish together if you see me slipping. I may be angry in the moment but I will love you for it in the end!

So now I am getting back to business not only in my personal life but in my professional one! While I don’t plan on changing much as far as Amore Luxe outside of providing more written/visual content on a consistent basis, Amore Luxe Media will focus solely on providing content writing, copywriting and writing composition services for clients.Although I will no longer provide social media management services, I will provide captions for social media posts that you can use for your product/service along with any other written content you need to promote your business. Email me at angelacherai@gmail.com for a full list of services and pricing information. Thank you for always supporting me and I am determined to make the second half of 2020 better than the first and I want you all to do the same. New post coming either Friday or Monday so stay tuned! Always remember to love and live luxuriously!

 

Quarantine Diaries #2: Staying Connected With Family, Friends and Outside World

Good Afternoon! I meant to post this entry on Wednesday but I was sidetracked with my clients’ assignments (btw, if you are in need of writing assistance for essays, research papers, term papers, etc. email angelacherai@gmail.com so I can help you out!) but I definitely wanted to touch on this topic because so many of us are used to communicating with friends, family and even coworkers on a regular basis but social distancing makes communication tougher but not impossible. When talking on the phone isn’t enough, here are a few apps that have made this social distancing this a bit easier!

FaceTime (only for Apple product users)

Since I am a self-proclaimed Apple junkie, (I have an iPhone, iPad, MacBook Air and Apple Watch lol) I love video chatting via FaceTime. I haven’t been able to see my boyfriend in a few weeks but we FaceTime everyday which has made it a bit easier to deal with not seeing him on a regular basis. I also have group FaceTime chats with my friends who I met at my first real job (shoutout to BL crew) which is always entertaining to say the least. FaceTime is the easiest way to keep in contact with those you care about since its free and is included on all Apple products.

Google Hangouts/Zoom/Duo/In The House (can be used regardless of what type of device you have)

For those of you who don’t own any Apple products, (I don’t get it but whatever!) there are apps such as Google Hangouts, Zoom, Duo and one my girl Steffie just put me on to called In the House app. These apps are free and although Zoom has time restrictions for users who choose to use a free account, they allow easy communication with multiple people at once. I haven’t tried In The House yet but I prefer using Zoom with someone who has a premium account! I have been to 2 virtual birthday parties and a girls catchup chat and had sooooo much fun! Make sure your phone/internet connection is strong because these apps can use a lot of bandwidth and you want to be able to see and hear everyone clearly!

Instagram and Facebook live (features are available on all Instagram and Facebook apps)

I don’t usually go live on Instagram of Facebook myself but I love joining live sessions that my friends and influencers/celebs/notable individuals have. Ciara and Russell Wilson went on IG live a couple of weeks ago discussing their first date and what makes their relationship work and I was so enamored with them that I sat through the whole chat which is something that I rarely do lol. My hairstylist Regina Pearl went on IG live last week to discuss how to use the product kits she was selling to maintain your hair during this quarantine (smart idea right!) Various celebrities such as Neyo, Lil Jon and T-Pain have been doing battles that have been nostalgic and enjoyable. I also like to keep up to date with what’s going on in surrounding communities by watching the mayors of nearby cities discuss Coronavirus rules and regulations for their respective cities. Whether I watch Instagram/Facebook live to be entertained, educated or informed, Instagram and Facebook live have been helpful in ensuring that I am kept in the loop and keeps me occupied.

Regardless of whatever method you choose to stay connected, remember that the situation we all have been placed in is only temporary and life will go back to business as usual. This is the best way to eliminate unnecessary direct contact while still maintaining a sense of normalcy. Continue to follow CDC sanitary guidelines as well as the rules set forth by your city and state officials. We will get through this together and if you have any blog topic ideas, suggestions or just want to chat, comment below and I will be sure to get back at you:) Thanks for reading and always remember to love and live luxuriously!

 

Wisdom Wednesday: No More Excuses!

Good Morning!  I had another post ready to go but after having a conversation with a special someone, I realized that the topic that I had previously chosen really didn’t resonate with me and the writing process felt forced. I started thinking about what I have been dealing with and I realized with all that is going on in my life, I have been making excuses for not doing the things I said I was going to do. I know that if I really want something, I do whatever it takes to get what it is that I desire but lately, I have been making excuses for not achieving the goals I set out to do whether it is promoting “Amore Luxe Media” more, working out 2-3 times a week, drinking more water, etc. I don’t have any valid reasons why I can’t accomplish my goals but I have placed the feelings of comfort and contentment above the fear of failure and disappointment instead of focusing on the end result that will lead to happiness and fulfillment by accomplishing my goals.

My ultimate goal is to become stronger mentally, physically and spiritually. In order to accomplish this, I have to work on the things that are holding me back from being the best version of myself. Going to therapy has helped me improve my mental well-being but I have to do the work after my sessions which means that I need to use the tools that I learned in therapy such as positive thinking, decatastrophizing and meditation/breathing exercises in order to reap the benefits of what I have learned without making excuses that result into the old ways of thinking. As far as my physical well-being, I need to stop making excuses about not drinking water, eating healthier or going to the gym since they are attainable (especially since I pay for a monthly gym membership that is going to waste lol) Not messing up my hair or not wanting to drink water because of the taste isn’t a good enough excuse for me not to do the things that will improve my overall health. My father’s side of the family has a high risk of heart disease and making excuses solely because I don’t want to inconvenience myself is not only stupid but it is putting my health at risk. A temporary inconvenience should not be a deterrent from being in peak physical condition. Excuses are for those who lack the passion and drive to change their life and I refuse to continue to be part of that group!

As far as my professional goals are concerned, I am working on “Amore Luxe Media” holiday promo specials so be on the lookout for that! I also plan on doing a couple of panels and discussions for 2020 so if you are in the NYC/NJ area, definitely stay tuned for that. Most importantly, I just want to remain true to myself and my vision and “Amore Luxe” is a big part of that so thank you for your continued support. It means the world to me! I am in a pretty good place in my life right now and I can’t wait to see what the end of 2019 and the beginning of 2020 bring. I will be sure to keep you all updated every step of the way! I’ll be back with a new post on Friday or Monday depending on my schedule but until then, always remember to love and live luxuriously!

Stop Trying To Fix Broken People

Good Morning!  I want to get right into today’s blog post topic because I have been seeing links and posts related to this topic for the past week and it has been on my mind heavy to discuss my personal experiences as it relates to being the fixer in relationships. After going to a men’s only discussion this past Saturday, I realized that when men aren’t ready to be in a committed relationship, they will not put in the time and effort it takes for the relationship to work. Some may stick around for the sex or convenience of the relationship but their actions makes it clear as to what their intentions really are. In the past, instead of paying attention to their actions, (or lack of inaction in many cases) I would try to “fix” whatever I saw that was broken in them or their situation in hopes that they would come to the light and realize that I was the woman of their dreams. Now I don’t need to tell you how that worked out lmao but what I realized that instead of trying to fix someone else, I needed to fix what what broken inside of me.

Growing up, I always had self-esteem issues. I felt inadequate and less than all throughout high school because I was the quintessential geek (had the glasses, braces and awkwardness that goes with it!) even though I thought that I could start fresh by moving to Atlanta for college, those insecurities still lingered and exposed themselves when I entered into a relationship with my first boyfriend while in college. He was my first everything and because I thought that I didn’t deserve because him of his good looks and accomplishments, I ignored the warning signs that he exhibited early on. He had a terrible temper and would get mad at me for the littlest things and would be emotionally manipulative in order to deflect from his is flaws and misgivings. I was young and naive and didn’t realize how he used my inexperience and insecurities to his advantage so instead of speaking up for myself and knowing my worth, I attempted to fix whatever it was that was broken inside of him because I felt responsible for his actions (crazy right!). So when he would get mad at me for getting a flat tire after leaving the movies, (even though he knew the tire was already losing air and the trip to the movies was on my dime) I would accept responsibility and apologize profusely. When he accused me of flirting with another man even though I was having a casual conversation with the husband of one of my friend’s guests, I would get defensive and try to explain myself not realizing that this was his guilt coming out because he was cheating on me. My own brokenness and insecurities blinded me from the truth and when I finally saw the relationship for what it was and decided to leave, the damage had already been done.

In the relationships and situation ships that followed, I excelled at being “Ms. Fix It”. One of the guys I was talking to even nicknamed me “Angel’ because he felt that I was a bright light in his life and someone that he could lean on for support when things weren’t going right. In my last situationship, I desperately tried to get the man I was seeing to open up to me and let me in. He was obviously broken and because I loved him and wanted to see him happy, I settled and put my feelings and needs aside to accommodate him. It became a relationship of convenience because everything was fit around his time and schedule. I felt like an option and an afterthought and the insecurities that continued to linger from all those years ago started to come out and confrontations about why he wasn’t able to fully commit to me went nowhere. This was emotionally draining and went on for years until I finally realized that the only broken person I am responsible for fixing is myself. I cannot control what anyone else says or does but I can control the access I let them have into my life. When I decided to let him go and make myself a priority, a weight was lifted off of me. I was able to start doing the work that was necessary in order to rebuild my life and my self-worth and although I am not where I want to be, I am definitely doing a whole lot better than I used to. Relinquishing the title of “Ms. Fix It” has been liberating and rewarding and unlike the times in the past, I am the one that benefits from putting in the work!

I know that many of you are guilty of being the fixer in your lives. Fixing is not limited to romantic relationships either because so many of us try to fix our family and friends that are broken and we end up losing pieces of ourselves in the process. When your know better, you do better so I hope that anyone who is going through this understands that you should have to break yourself down to build someone else up. Much love to you all and I will be back with a new post next week. Have a great weekend and remember to love and live luxuriously!