Toxic Relationship Types

Good Morning! I’ve realized that a lot of the inspiration behind many of my recent posts have come from something I’ve witnessed in person or online and today’s topic is no different. One of my FB friends shared a post that highlighted the 7 different types of toxic men in relationships. You have the good guy, the player, the inconsistent guy, the no initiative guy, the insecure guy, the emotionally draining guy and the Netflix and chill guy. I was laughing so hard to myself because I have definitely dated a few of these types of men which I will get into later but right after I shared the post on my page and saw some of the comments to it, they made one for 7 (actually 6) different types of toxic women including the curve queen, the heartless girl. the pick me, the user, the head over heels girl and the insecure girl. I’m not sure if it was because its more difficult to be objective when thinking about yourself or because I didn’t see myself as a “toxic” type but after rereading and being completely honest with myself, I saw that I was a mixture of two types and because of that, I may be part of the reason why I haven’t had success in past relationships.

As far as the types of toxic men I’m attracted to, I usually attract the inconsistent man because I’m pretty chill at the beginning and when the guy seems to show some interest, I start falling for him and it seems that at that exact moment that I catch feelings, he decides to fall back. It happened with the last guy I was seeing and it’s happened in the past with guys I was into. It has been so frustrating and I initially wondered what exactly was it that I was doing wrong and it took me a minute but I was able to figure out what my issue was. Somewhere in my subconscious, I am attracted to men that are afraid to comment. When I start having feelings for a man and he falls back a bit, instead of taking the hint and falling back after realizing that he wasn’t really as interested as I initially assumed or we weren’t on the same page as far as what we wanted from each other, I would see his nonchalant ways as a challenge of sorts and try to persuade him to want what I wanted. When that didn’t work, eventually I would fall back and then the guy would appear to show real interest once again and the vicious cycle continued. A lot of this stemmed from my own insecurities but also because of my pickiness which has led to toxic patterns and  behaviors that I exhibit in relationships that led me to the inconsistent men in my life.

I realized that I am a mix of the curve queen and the head over heels girl depending on who approaches me. If I am not really into a guy, I can be the curve queen because I’ll suggest meeting up but never actually put the effort into making plans lol. I also make excuses because I don’t want to hurt the person’s feelings even though I am not interested at all in talking or hanging out with them. On the other hand, when I am into someone, I am the head over heels girl because when I am into someone, I give them my all. I ignore red flags (as you can see from me being attached to the inconsistent guy lol) and I love the idea of love but haven’t always been patient enough or loved myself enough to not settle out of fear of failing and the fear of loneliness. After the last situation went sour, I decided that I have to be completely honest with myself, by myself and work on my mental, spiritual and physical (well I’m not quite there yet with the physical lol) in order to eliminate the toxic habits within myself that attract the toxic temporary men that may try to enter my life. They may have been able to come through before but now they will get denied at the first sign of flakiness and wishy washy behavior!

Which type(s) do you attract and which type(s) do you fall under? Let me know in the comments. I know its difficult to see your behaviors as toxic but you will learn a lot about yourself when you are completely honest with yourself. New post coming Friday. Until then, remember to love and live luxuriously!

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YouTube Rant: Emotional Manipulation and Lack of Self-Respect

Good Morning! I decided that I wanted to do a vlog of sorts today and was inspired by the conversations I overheard from a couple who were having relationship issues. I found out a lot of information from the 2 conversations (some may say TMI because they were shouting all of their personal business freely for the world to hear lol) but most importantly, I started thinking about the honest and heartfelt advice I’d want to hear if I was in a similar position. I know it is easy to comment from the outside looking it but sometimes it takes an outside, objective perspective to see things for what they really are instead of what you imagined they would be. Watch the video below to find out the backstory behind my rant and my thoughts on what happened.

Sound off in the comments below because I’d really love to hear everyone’s take on this situation. If you have any ideas for topics I should discuss in future rants, let me know! I’ll be back on Wednesday with another post. I hope everyone has an amazing week and always be sure to love and live luxuriously!

Fearless Friday: My Blind Dating Experience

Good Morning! I had another idea for a post that I plan on discussing in the future but as soon as I saw the video of a project I was involved in on YouTube, everything changed! Last summer, I decided to step outside of my comfort zone (see what I did there!) and go out on a blind date. Simone and her co-producers created a dating docuseries called “Date to Date” and interviewed a group of people (including myself) in their 20’s and 30’s in the NYC area and asked about our dating preferences. After recording the information, they matched us up with people who they felt fit the desired traits that we mentioned previously and set up 2 dates with the chosen person in hopes that we would get to know each other a bit better and possibly connect on a deeper level. And they would be there to capture it all on film! I was matched with a really sweet guy named Wesley. Our first date consisted of us talking and creating our own salads. Simple enough right! We discussed our dream vacation spots, qualities we like in the opposite sex and a bit about our past relationships. You can view highlights from our date by watching the episode below (I have it cued to where my part starts bur I encourage you to watch the entire episode because its really good!)

 

I know you guys want to know what happened after our date and if I made a love connection. If you know me personally, you already know the deal but if you don’t you can check out today’s posts on my IG (@amoreluxe_) and FB (Angela Cherai) to find out the answer;) Special thanks to Simone, Essence and Malcolm of For Art’s Sake 125 for this interesting experience! New post coming Monday so be on the lookout for that! Until then, have an amazing weekend and be sure to love and live luxuriously.

QOTD: What Constitutes As Lying?

Good Morning! I said in my previous post that today’s post would be based on a question that I posted on social media. For those of you who missed it, here is what I wrote:

QOTD: Should lying by omission be considered lying?

Ex: Your significant other asks who you’re hanging out with tonight. You say you are hanging out with your boys/girls but fail to mention that your ex will be there as well. Should you be at fault for not telling the whole truth?

The responses I received were interesting mainly because most women thought that lying by omission should be considered lying and many of the guys who replied felt that it shouldn’t be considered lying especially if information was withheld to avoid any future issues. Even though I can understand both arguments, I think that a lie by omission is still a lie because by withholding information, you allow the other person to create outcomes based off of the details you give. In the example I posted above, if you say that you are hanging out with your boys/girls but fail to mention that your ex will be at the same place and say that place is a bar, getting intoxicated around someone who you used to have a relationship with may create a situation that can lead to serious consequences. Many people would argue that just because someone is hanging around their ex doesn’t mean that they have feelings for them or that they want to get back into a relationship with them and while I wholeheartedly agree, if there is nothing to worry about. why hide the fact that the ex will be there in the first place? If the reason is to avoid drama in the form of accusations or jealousy, I feel that there are deeper issues in the relationship that need to be addressed. If you trust your partner completely, you should be secure in your relationship and most importantly, secure with yourself and what you bring to the table.

I feel that it all boils down to effective communication with your partner and respect for his/her feelings. If you know that hanging around your ex is going to be an issue, talk about what the specific issue is. If the issue stems from the ex causing issues in the past within your relationship, then maybe its best not to be around him/her even in a group setting. If the issue is mainly with your partner and their own insecurities, that is something that he/she needs to work on outside of the relationship especially if your actions have not warranted that type of behavior. I have dealt with men in the past that have omitted details from a situation and when I found out about them later, I was upset, not because of the actual detail being omitted but the fact that he deliberately failed to mention a detail because he wanted to avoid any type of confrontation or disagreement made me wary and suspicious of his behavior. Even if I would have felt some kind of way about the situation knowing all the details, I would have respected his honesty because honesty is very important to me in all of my relationships both personally and professionally. I can’t speak for everyone but I feel that if there is open communication and honesty within the relationship, omitting details would be unnecessary because trust would be established which would be stronger than any potential bs from outside sources.

Working on my first vlog/rant of 2019 for my next post and it’s gonna be a good one so stay tuned for that. In the meantime, I’d still love to read your feedback on this question so  make sure you let me know your thoughts in the comments below! Thanks to everyone for all of the positive feedback. I am really enjoying blogging for the first time in YEARS so know that I am just getting started! Until my next post, remember to love and live luxuriously!