YouTube Rant: Emotional Manipulation and Lack of Self-Respect

Good Morning! I decided that I wanted to do a vlog of sorts today and was inspired by the conversations I overheard from a couple who were having relationship issues. I found out a lot of information from the 2 conversations (some may say TMI because they were shouting all of their personal business freely for the world to hear lol) but most importantly, I started thinking about the honest and heartfelt advice I’d want to hear if I was in a similar position. I know it is easy to comment from the outside looking it but sometimes it takes an outside, objective perspective to see things for what they really are instead of what you imagined they would be. Watch the video below to find out the backstory behind my rant and my thoughts on what happened.

Sound off in the comments below because I’d really love to hear everyone’s take on this situation. If you have any ideas for topics I should discuss in future rants, let me know! I’ll be back on Wednesday with another post. I hope everyone has an amazing week and always be sure to love and live luxuriously!

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Is Social Media Helpful or Harmful When It Comes To Dating?

Good Morning! I know I said I was going to post on Monday but I have had the hardest time trying to think of things to write. Same ish different day basically but I was talking to my therapist about needing things to talk about and she suggested that I discuss how social media has affected dating in modern times. As a social media marketer, I know how important social media is as far as promoting businesses and services as well as staying connected to family and friends that you may not get to see often. As far as dating goes though, I never thought about the effect it may have on relationships especially since the last guy I was seeing didn’t have any social media pages (or so he says lol) so that was never an issue for me. I started thinking about the pros and cons of social media as it relates to dating and while social media has been beneficial in building friendships and professional relationships, I think it has done more harm than good on the dating front.  I’ve seen my fair share of drama on social media and sad to say, the majority of the drama was relationship related.

One of the reasons why I think social media has been a hinderance on dating is because you lose a lot of the excitement of getting to know someone without checking their Instagram or Facebook page to get a feel of who they are. I feel that social media isn’t a true reflection of a person but instead, a calculated and curated image of how he or she wants to be perceived. Perception doesn’t always equal reality so instead of trying to decipher what certain quotes mean or falling in lust over a heavily filtered image, step away from your computer or phone and allow yourself to get to know someone without any preconceived notions based on their profiles.

Another problem with dating while on social media is that many people use likes, comments and statuses as validation. If a guy/girl doesn’t change their relationship status publicly or post pics on social media of them being in a relationship, suddenly there’s an issue because the other person is looking for social media acceptance and/or approval. Your relationship isn’t “real” unless everyone knows about it. Facebook/Instagram/Twitter should not be the deciding factor on whether your love is real or feelings are mutual. Now I’m not saying that it’s okay for your significant other to intentionally not post pics or follow you because he/she doesn’t want anyone to know that they are involved but it should be a natural progression and based on the person’s comfort level. There are people who aren’t into posting their daily lives on social media because it is outside their comfort zone and that should be respected. Navigating the social media space can be tricky but how a relationship should be shared should be decided between two people not the world-wide web.

The biggest issue I have with social media and dating is the disconnect that comes when people become dependent on social media interactions instead of face to face connections. Personally, I don’t want Facebook messages or dms on Instagram to become a main form of communication when getting to know someone. If you are interested in me, show it by asking me for my number and talking to me on the phone so we can set up a real date. Liking my pics or commenting with heart emojis don’t mean as much as sending flowers and notes. It’s the thought and effort that counts and social media interactions require little thought and effort but actions speak volumes. Even if the connection may start online, the face to face interactions are what will build and strengthen the connection that will hopefully last beyond the confines of cyberspace.

I don’t know of any instances where relationships built off of social media input and suggestions have stood the test of time but I could be wrong. I just don’t think that creating a potential reality show or melodrama for your social media followers is the way to longevity in a relationship. There should be balance and everyone including myself( in my next relationship!) have to find that social media/real-life balance that works for them and their relationship. Have you had social media drama that came at the expense of your relationship? Let me know in the comments below (yup I’m nosy lol). I’ll be back on Friday with another dating related post so stay tuned! As always, remember to love and live luxuriously!

 

 

 

Random Thoughts Webisode 1

Hey everyone! I have racked my brain all last month trying to figure out how to post more consistently and last week, I finally came up with a great idea: get back to vlogging. Back when  the site was called “The Angielala Experience”, I would do monthly ustreams/Spreecast chats and would record YouTube videos where I would rant about a particular topic. Unfortunately, I felt pressured to think of topics to discuss and lost interest in doing the video part of the site but I realized that there is no pressure when I share events from my life and all the things going on inside my head. I figured that doing a “Random Thoughts” webisode series would be the best way to stay connected with you guys and hearing your opinion would give me ideas on what to talk about in future videos and posts. This first “Random Thoughts” webisode is basically an intro and my current dating life lol…Check out the video below and let me know what you think!

 

 

Love and live luxuriously!

Sure vs Unsure

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Over the years society (media in particular) has bombarded individuals with overwhelming images to keep you in a perpetuated cycle of self defeating behavior. Which got me to thinking… am I sure or unsure?

Some of you out there may remember the deodorant commercial where the would show people who used “their” brand versus a competitor. Each scene would show a confident persons arms raised high, smiling, saying “SURE”, the other would frown and be embarrassed to raise their arms “UNSURE”. I got the biggest laugh out of that commercial.

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By the end of my rant I am in high hopes that you will be sure. If not, you will leave with some tips that can help get you there.

Slogans like B.Y.O.B. (be your own best friend) have been around for years. The song by De La Soul “Me, Myself and I” is an anthem for confidence across the country, but how to does a person start on that journey? Well to start with:

Accept Failure: Failure is a natural process. It has to happen in most cases for us to understand what to do better. If you don’t believe me check out Angielala post Rejection: The other motivation killer

Maintain or make eye contact: Whenever you are nervous roaming eyes can convey to the other person that you may not know what you are talking about, or that you are simply not confident. Maintaining eye contact when interacting with people is a sure way to convey your confidence.

Speak clearly: As a child my mother would become agitated with me for mumbling and now as an adult I can see why. When you do not speak clearly it makes communication more challenging and when someone has to ask you to repeat yourself  because of not speaking clearly it just screams “I AM NOT CONFIDENT”.

Be aware of your non verbal communication: In various studies it has been recorded that more than 50% of our communication as humans is non verbal. What does that mean for you on your journey to confidence? It means you should listen to your grandmother, mother, uncle or to whomever in your life that use to give you this lecture, ” Get your hands out of your pockets and stand up straight, shake people’s hand firmly and always look them in the eyes.” Either there are some extremely clairvoyant people in the world who knew I was going to write this post in the year 2013 OR there are just some wise people in the universe. (I’m banking on the latter of the two…)

-Grooming: I’m not usually ranting about the superficial aspect of life however, no one can deny that some days a tucked in shirt and fresh breath can get your further than the latest fashion trends. While we tend to emphasize style and trends sometimes we forget to encourage the simple things. Hair cuts, ironing clothes and clean nails can say tons about an individual. If you care about yourself, then you can be/appear confident or more confident to other people.

-Fake it til you make it: Don’t act all shocked and surprise that I said it! I am aware that I just spent several paragraphs being prim and polished, but lets be real sometimes red bottoms and Windsor knots aren’t enough to keep you going. So here I am encouraging you to use your imagination when your new hair-do or new suit isn’t sufficient to cure your “case of the Mondays”;  be your own biggest fan.

And last but definitely not least…

-Appreciate Success

I could write an entirely separate post on this, but I won’t. I’m going to wrap it up, I promise… Once you’ve accomplished your goal its alright to want more, just don’t diminish how far you’ve already come. Or as I like to call it, When feeling good goes bad

Til next post, be happy, be inspired and be confident.