Anxiety Is Not A Game!

Good Afternoon! The reason why this post was uploaded at noon and not at 9am like normally is because I couldn’t think of anything to write about at first. I thought about what issues am I facing currently and I realized that my anxiety has been creeping back in my life slowly but surely. There are different levels of anxiety and its an ongoing issue that I constantly deal with but I am learning to recognize the warning signs and learning how to better deal with those feelings as they come.

My anxiety usually appears in the form of heart palpitations, worst case scenario thoughts and the inability to be able to completely relax.  It happens as a result of an issue that feels out of my control or one that could have been prevented if I would have done something differently.  The anxiety began this weekend when I was out at a party and I accidentally broke something. Although the object that I broke appeared to be fixed, I was still worried about something happening where my friend would get in trouble or I would have to pay an exorbitant amount of money to repair/replace the object even though a high amount was unlikely. The night went south after that and between worrying about that and being concerned for the well-being of someone else close to me, I was stressed out all weekend. The stress lasted into Monday and yesterday where I was annoyed about not receiving payment from one of my clients for something I worked on for him and wanted to avoid confrontation although I was not at fault and feeling overwhelmed with deadlines for other clients. Since my anxiety only appeared to worsen throughout the day, I decided to disconnect from social media yesterday evening and went to sleep after watching my tv shows. Today I woke up still feeling anxious so I decided to start putting everything into perspective. If I end up having to pay for the broken object, I will work out a payment plan that won’t mess me up financially. I will be direct with all of my clients from now on regarding payment and not agree to work on projects with those who have a hard time following. I will continue to stick to deadlines but I will create a schedule that will allow me to pace myself and allow me to not feel so overwhelmed. Even though my anxiety will most likely pop up again in the future, I know that I can alleviate the symptoms by changing my thought process, decatastrophizing, and realizing that no matter what the outcome is, its not the end of the world even though my anxiety wants to convince me otherwise!

How do you deal with anxiety?  Let me know your tips in the comments. Still working on ideas for the next “Confidence Is…” Profile so if you or someone you know is the perfect example of confidence and strength in the face of adversity, email me at angelacherai@gmail.com so I can interview them! My next post will be up on Friday but until then, always be sure to love and live luxuriously!

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Wisdom Wednesday: Love vs Lust

Good Morning! I can’t take the credit for the topic of today’s post so thanks to my homie Jason for coming up with a great topic. Many people confuse love with lust and for a while, I was guilty of doing the same. Over time, after becoming more self-aware, (check out my previous post to read about that journey!) I was able to see things for what they really were and by taking my rose colored glasses off, it was easier to tell the difference between true love and lust based off of infatuation.

In my opinion, love is multifaceted. There are different kinds of love depending on the individual and the type of relationship that exists. As far as romantic love is concerned, it takes time to build the foundation for the deep connection that transforms the longer you are with someone.  I believe that love develops from that foundation and grows over time after being able to see people for who they really are and embrace all of those parts, regardless of their flaws.  If I am being completely honest with myself, I feel that most of my relationships didn’t have that strong foundation for love to grow. They were either based off of superficial qualities and once I was able to see the man I was involved with for who he really was, I was blinded by lust, not for the essence of the person I was with but for the image of the man that I created in my mind. I can say one of those relationships was love but because there was so  much pain and embarrassment involved with that particular person, I don’t remember the positive emotions that are associated with love such as awe and amazement but more so the negative ones like disappointment and frustration. I know that love isn’t all about rainbows and butterflies but I do believe the good should outweigh the bad and if it doesn’t, is it really love? I feel that everyone will have a different answer depending on their own personal experiences but for me, love should follow the principles that are outlined in 1 Corinthians 13:4-5:“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.”  I feel that this verse embodies the qualities that I feel love should be based on and are necessary for a relationship to grow and last.  I am currently single but I promised myself that my next relationship will be with the love of my life and until God feels I’m ready for him to enter my life, I’m good with being alone:)

What emotions/feelings do you associated with love and lust? Let me know in the comments below! You can also connect with me on IG (@amoreluxe_) and on FB (Angela Cherai) to voice your opinion on this topic and if you have any ideas/suggestions for future posts, let me know! Until next time, remember to love and live luxuriously!

Toxic Relationship Types

Good Morning! I’ve realized that a lot of the inspiration behind many of my recent posts have come from something I’ve witnessed in person or online and today’s topic is no different. One of my FB friends shared a post that highlighted the 7 different types of toxic men in relationships. You have the good guy, the player, the inconsistent guy, the no initiative guy, the insecure guy, the emotionally draining guy and the Netflix and chill guy. I was laughing so hard to myself because I have definitely dated a few of these types of men which I will get into later but right after I shared the post on my page and saw some of the comments to it, they made one for 7 (actually 6) different types of toxic women including the curve queen, the heartless girl. the pick me, the user, the head over heels girl and the insecure girl. I’m not sure if it was because its more difficult to be objective when thinking about yourself or because I didn’t see myself as a “toxic” type but after rereading and being completely honest with myself, I saw that I was a mixture of two types and because of that, I may be part of the reason why I haven’t had success in past relationships.

As far as the types of toxic men I’m attracted to, I usually attract the inconsistent man because I’m pretty chill at the beginning and when the guy seems to show some interest, I start falling for him and it seems that at that exact moment that I catch feelings, he decides to fall back. It happened with the last guy I was seeing and it’s happened in the past with guys I was into. It has been so frustrating and I initially wondered what exactly was it that I was doing wrong and it took me a minute but I was able to figure out what my issue was. Somewhere in my subconscious, I am attracted to men that are afraid to comment. When I start having feelings for a man and he falls back a bit, instead of taking the hint and falling back after realizing that he wasn’t really as interested as I initially assumed or we weren’t on the same page as far as what we wanted from each other, I would see his nonchalant ways as a challenge of sorts and try to persuade him to want what I wanted. When that didn’t work, eventually I would fall back and then the guy would appear to show real interest once again and the vicious cycle continued. A lot of this stemmed from my own insecurities but also because of my pickiness which has led to toxic patterns and  behaviors that I exhibit in relationships that led me to the inconsistent men in my life.

I realized that I am a mix of the curve queen and the head over heels girl depending on who approaches me. If I am not really into a guy, I can be the curve queen because I’ll suggest meeting up but never actually put the effort into making plans lol. I also make excuses because I don’t want to hurt the person’s feelings even though I am not interested at all in talking or hanging out with them. On the other hand, when I am into someone, I am the head over heels girl because when I am into someone, I give them my all. I ignore red flags (as you can see from me being attached to the inconsistent guy lol) and I love the idea of love but haven’t always been patient enough or loved myself enough to not settle out of fear of failing and the fear of loneliness. After the last situation went sour, I decided that I have to be completely honest with myself, by myself and work on my mental, spiritual and physical (well I’m not quite there yet with the physical lol) in order to eliminate the toxic habits within myself that attract the toxic temporary men that may try to enter my life. They may have been able to come through before but now they will get denied at the first sign of flakiness and wishy washy behavior!

Which type(s) do you attract and which type(s) do you fall under? Let me know in the comments. I know its difficult to see your behaviors as toxic but you will learn a lot about yourself when you are completely honest with yourself. New post coming Friday. Until then, remember to love and live luxuriously!

QOTD: What Constitutes As Lying?

Good Morning! I said in my previous post that today’s post would be based on a question that I posted on social media. For those of you who missed it, here is what I wrote:

QOTD: Should lying by omission be considered lying?

Ex: Your significant other asks who you’re hanging out with tonight. You say you are hanging out with your boys/girls but fail to mention that your ex will be there as well. Should you be at fault for not telling the whole truth?

The responses I received were interesting mainly because most women thought that lying by omission should be considered lying and many of the guys who replied felt that it shouldn’t be considered lying especially if information was withheld to avoid any future issues. Even though I can understand both arguments, I think that a lie by omission is still a lie because by withholding information, you allow the other person to create outcomes based off of the details you give. In the example I posted above, if you say that you are hanging out with your boys/girls but fail to mention that your ex will be at the same place and say that place is a bar, getting intoxicated around someone who you used to have a relationship with may create a situation that can lead to serious consequences. Many people would argue that just because someone is hanging around their ex doesn’t mean that they have feelings for them or that they want to get back into a relationship with them and while I wholeheartedly agree, if there is nothing to worry about. why hide the fact that the ex will be there in the first place? If the reason is to avoid drama in the form of accusations or jealousy, I feel that there are deeper issues in the relationship that need to be addressed. If you trust your partner completely, you should be secure in your relationship and most importantly, secure with yourself and what you bring to the table.

I feel that it all boils down to effective communication with your partner and respect for his/her feelings. If you know that hanging around your ex is going to be an issue, talk about what the specific issue is. If the issue stems from the ex causing issues in the past within your relationship, then maybe its best not to be around him/her even in a group setting. If the issue is mainly with your partner and their own insecurities, that is something that he/she needs to work on outside of the relationship especially if your actions have not warranted that type of behavior. I have dealt with men in the past that have omitted details from a situation and when I found out about them later, I was upset, not because of the actual detail being omitted but the fact that he deliberately failed to mention a detail because he wanted to avoid any type of confrontation or disagreement made me wary and suspicious of his behavior. Even if I would have felt some kind of way about the situation knowing all the details, I would have respected his honesty because honesty is very important to me in all of my relationships both personally and professionally. I can’t speak for everyone but I feel that if there is open communication and honesty within the relationship, omitting details would be unnecessary because trust would be established which would be stronger than any potential bs from outside sources.

Working on my first vlog/rant of 2019 for my next post and it’s gonna be a good one so stay tuned for that. In the meantime, I’d still love to read your feedback on this question so  make sure you let me know your thoughts in the comments below! Thanks to everyone for all of the positive feedback. I am really enjoying blogging for the first time in YEARS so know that I am just getting started! Until my next post, remember to love and live luxuriously!