#MotivationMonday: Let go of what you cannot change

36e661fbc9b8f77232c494a807681139Good Afternoon! I know I haven’t posted in a week and to be honest, I didn’t feel up to it. I’ve been really bummed out lately and up until today, my anxiety was going into overdrive. I had a hard time falling asleep and when I finally did, I kept having weird dreams that I’m still trying to decipher. On top of all that, my chest felt tight and I knew I was worried/anxious but I wasn’t sure why. It took spending time with my grandmother yesterday for the light bulb to go off in my head and the conversation we had helped me get to the root of my anxiety which helped me to move forward.

My grandmother has soooooo many pictures from the time she graduated high school until now and as I mentioned in an earlier post “Photograph”, (https://amoreluxe.com/2016/10/12/photograph/) I love looking at them and hearing all the stories behind the pictures. As we came across a picture of my father who passed in 2014, we both started feeling melancholy and my grandma said “A mother isn’t supposed to outlive her child” and how she usually understands that everything happens for a reason but my father’s passing was something that she could never fully comprehend. I told her that some things just aren’t meant to be understood but that you have to accept it and find peace in knowing that things happen the way they are supposed to. Call it destiny, fate or whatever but what is meant to be will be. In that moment, I realized that most of my anxiety stemmed from the fact that I was worried about things that I could not change or control. I would ask myself questions like “Why did I slack off in my late teens-early 20’s at the first college I attended?” “Why did I waste so much time being involved with men who weren’t ready to commit?” and the one that I kept wasting energy on was “Why does it feel like I’m so behind in life compared to everyone else?” The answer to all of my questions was the same: Since it cannot be changed, I need to find peace with it and move on.  I can’t change the past so why do I continue to focus on the mistakes I’ve made as it relates to school or relationships?  I can only focus on the present and future and learn from those mistakes to make better choices that will bring happiness and success in my life. When it comes to worrying about others, it’s pointless because as I’ve stated many times before, everyone has their own journey and comparing my life to others doesn’t help me in my journey especially since I may not know what they went through to get to where they are today. Everyone has their own story and while I encourage others to go after their goals and dreams and live up to their potential, I only have control over my life and I need to direct my thoughts and energy on getting to where I want to be and look at positive examples and use that to fuel my motivation instead of allowing it to drain the passion that burns within me. I would say the “Serenity Prayer” every night before going to bed but last night was the first time in a long time that I said it and believed in the words I whispered to myself. For those of you who don’t know the “Serenity Prayer”, here it goes:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference.

I know that the battle within myself isn’t  over yet but I am in a better mental space today and I am glad I am able to share all the craziness inside this head of mine with you! Let me know what you think and like/share this post if you were able to learn something from it 🙂 Check back on Wednesday for my next post which will probably be about what helps me to de-stress because I’ve tried any and everything to relax and stay focused so stay tuned for that!

 

Much love to you all and always remember to love and live luxuriously!

 

 

Advertisements

#MotivationMonday: Every day is a new beginning

every-new-day-is-a-chance-to-change-your-life-20130809592Good Afternoon! I spent all weekend trying to think of what to write and was hesitant to talk about the topic I came up with initially because it wasn’t truly authentic to what was going on in my life. It felt like a filler post and I told myself I didn’t want to do those type of posts just to have something up so I was going to wait until Wednesday to post until I saw my friend’s Facebook post. My homie Issac is someone I can always count on for inspiring/motivational posts and today was no different. In his FB post from this morning, he said “One of our most powerful abilities: The ability to change our minds..and don’t forget: you can always do it.” and that one statement was a catalyst in writing this post.

I realized that I was so focused on what I had done in the past and felt stuck in many ways in my present predicament. Even though I know that most of what I am going through is mental, it wasn’t until I read his post that I really understood that I am the one that can enact change in my life and that changing my mind or my perspective doesn’t mean I am wishy-washy but shows that I am being true to who I am. Now I am not saying that you should change your mind on everything every day, but use each day as a new beginning to right the wrongs from the past and to create/refine your vision for the future. We may not know what tomorrow will bring but if we can start and end each day with passion and purpose and the things we want are within our reach. I can’t speak for others but I have a lot to work on but instead of locking myself to specific times and dates for goals, I feel that taking things one step at a time and working on being positive and believing in myself and everything I want to achieve. Most importantly, I have to remember that every day is a new beginning and another chance to make things right:)

 

I think I am going to make an end of the year vision board that will be a starting point for everything I want to accomplish in 2017. Who’s with me??? If you’re down, make sure you like/comment/share because I would love to see what ideas you all come up with!

 

I hope everyone has a positive and productive week and always remember to love and live luxuriously!

 

#FearlessFriday: Baring It All

570311Good Afternoon! I know I promised that I would post 4x this week to make up for not posting last Friday but this week has been tough for me. I have just been feeling mentally and spiritually drained and it all comes back to focusing on people and things that have nothing to do with me. The seeds of envy and doubt started to grow within once again and it was a post that I saw on Instagram this morning that made me realize how petty and pitiful I was acting. I was so worried about everyone and everything else that I forgot about me and where I want to be in my life. Sitting around moping won’t get me anywhere and neither will comparing myself to others especially when I don’t know the journey they had to take to get to where they are.

I feel like 2015 was a year where I became so complacent and miserable with things going on in my life personally and professionally and I promised that 2016 would be different and it has to a certain extent. I am no longer dealing with men who are a waste of my time although one keeps trying to come back in the picture after I’ve made it clear that I’m not interested in being the passive, predictable me that settled for anything just to not be alone. Although that part of my life has changed for the better, I am still not where I want to be professionally. I know that I have to make a huge comeback because last year, I didn’t really do anything that would propel me forward but until today, I really wasn’t sure where to begin. I had to take a long look at myself to realize that no change can occur in my life until I change, starting with my mindset and the way I react to things. After that, I can work on being a better version of myself physically and these changes will be reflected in the content I create and share with the world. I am known for saying that I want to be the “Internet Oprah” but I forgot about all the things she has endured in the public eye especially as it relates to her weight and I know now that I have to show the bad even as I’m going through it because that is the only way I can grow and inspire others.

Baring it all has been scary and when social media magnifies everything and leaves room for criticism, I’ve been hesitant in the past to talk about things as I’m going through them. I don’t want to create a facade of a life that is perfect or near perfection when I am still struggling with being the best version of myself but I know now that I am the type of person that thrives when I am transparent and can let go of negative thoughts holding me back. I welcome your comments, suggestions and constructive critiques because as much as I want to inspire my readers, I look for inspiration from you all as well:) Stay tuned for my next post on Monday and I hope everyone has an amazing weekend!

 

Always remember to love and live luxuriously!

Do Better

71-2Good Afternoon everyone! I hope everyone enjoyed their weekend. I really didn’t do much besides watch tv and surf the internet and lurked a bit on social media. In fact, a Facebook conversation I had with my ex inspired me to write this post. It wasn’t drama filled really but I had an epiphany moment that I wanted to share with you all in hopes that you can gain just as much insight as I did.

Here is a bit of our back story before I get into last night’s Facebook conversation: My ex who shall remain nameless was my first everything: first love, first person I was intimate with and the first person who broke me down before he broke my heart. I was 19 when we met and was an insecure college student with no direction or purpose. I was living in Atlanta with my then friend from college and I wanted something new and exciting to happen to me like I saw on tv and in the movies. As I was leaving Wal-Mart on Labor Day in 2005, I saw this guy who was just too cute for words. He had the trendy attire on for that time (oversized white tee and baggy shorts), strategically placed tats on his arms and a fitted that completed the look. This insanely cute guy was right there in the middle of Wal-Mart’s parking lot and he was giving me the same lustful look that I was giving him. “How could this be?” I’m thinking to myself. I’m still skinny with braces and although I ditched the glasses for contacts by this time, I am still just as awkward as I was in high school so he couldn’t be remotely interested in me but indeed he was. We exchanged numbers and that was the beginning of a very stressful, emotionally volatile relationship. He knew about my insecurities because I was open and honest about my past and how I felt about myself. He used my weaknesses to manipulate me and would threaten to break up with me over petty things that he didn’t like. This happened for about 9 months and then when tragedy struck in my life right before my 20th birthday, he was cold and distant and it was then that I knew that I couldn’t be with him anymore. I had already had a lot of drama in my life from having to move 3 times to being low on funds in a place where I had almost no family and the one person I depended on, the one person who meant so much to me was emotionally (and physically) MIA. That’s when I knew that this wasn’t the man I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with. As much as I loved him, I had to love myself more.

Surprisingly, we kept in touch over the years. I would see him from time to time when I would go back to Atlanta and he visited me a few times up in Jersey but I never let myself get emotionally attached like I had previously. He apologized for the way he treated me when we were together but his actions and attitude hadn’t changed. My biggest fear was getting sucked back in to the drama and messiness that existed 10 years ago so I attempted to have boundaries in place so I wouldn’t make the same mistakes. I still wanted to stay cool with him (big mistake) so I’d entertain conversations but last night’s conversation was the nail in the coffin that really cemented the ending of any relationship that ever existed between us.

For the past year, I have been adamant about not settling for any type of non-committed relationship. In other words, I am not trying to have a friend with benefits, f*ck buddy, or be involved in a “situationship”. The next relationship I will enter will be a monogamous and committed one and we will both be on the same page as it relates to what we want from each other. Until that happens, I’ve vowed to be celibate. When I tried to explain this to my ex, he accused me of being “stuck up” and acting like I was better than him. In the past, I was guilty of fooling around with him when I wasn’t involved with anyone but once I told him that this was no longer an option, he became irate. The angry and manipulative person that I was used to seeing showed up once again and instead of continuing to explain myself to someone who never added anything positive to my life, I decided to end the conversation and wished him well. I’ve realized that to be a better person, you have to do better for yourself. Engaging in a war of words with him was not only pointless but brought me down to his level. Actions speak louder than words so instead of talking about what I want and what I will and will not tolerate, I will let my actions speak for themselves. I have nothing to prove to him or anyone else so my goal is to no longer invest time or energy into people or things that won’t benefit me physically, mentally or spiritually in the long run. Even though things between my ex and I didn’t work out, he taught me a lot about myself and helped me to see that a shared past and mutual attraction are not enough to build and sustain a meaningful and beneficial relationship. Every lesson is a blessing and I’ve learned a lot from my ex and now know that I need to let the past stay in the past.

Have you ever been in a similar situation with an ex? How did you handle it? Let me know in the comments section below! Also, be sure to like and share this post if you enjoyed reading! Check back on Wednesday for my next post 🙂

 

Until then, always remember to love and live luxuriously!