Good Morning! At this point in my life, I am the epitome of a “work in progress” and one of the things I’m working on is being more consistent. I am frustrated with myself for not posting as consistently as I would like but it is something I continue to work on by brainstorming and not being afraid to ask others for advice. With that being said, the topic of this post came from my therapist who suggested I share some of the things that I’ve discussed with her during our sessions. I have discussed my past relationship with her in great detail (and with you guys as well!) and focusing on the areas where I settled and compromised when it went against everything I wanted and stood for. She suggested that I create a list of “non-negotiables”, basically a list of things I am not willing to compromise on in a future partner. My list is kinda long lol so I won’t share every non-negotiable but here are the top 3 non-negotiables that apply to my dating life which I feel that many of you can relate to as well!
In my previous post, I spoke about how social media can be harmful in a relationship in my last post and although I’ve never dealt with any drama personally, I’ve seen how it can ruin relationships from viewing other people’s drama on my feed. I told myself that I would never be involved with anyone that will let the perception of social media distort their reality and I wouldn’t go back and forth publicly with anyone on social media especially if it’s regarding my personal life. Anyone who thrives off of internet drama is someone who needs to stay as far away from me as possible because I am all about maintaining positive vibes in 2018 and beyond!
Now this was something that I knew I wanted but was afraid to admit because I didn’t want it to seem like I was being forceful or asking for too much but my therapist made me realize that wanting more out of a relationship and being upfront about it is the mature thing to do. I realized that by settling for behaviors like not making plans in advance, not meeting family or friends and not talking about the future did not demonstrate that I wanted a committed relationship and when I would mention these things in my last relationship, it was either brushed off or excuses were made which showed that he did not want the same things I did. I told myself that in my next relationship, I would be clear about what I wanted and if my needs could not be met, then there would be no need for us to go any further! Being honest with your partner is important but being honest with yourself should be your number one priority!
Now this one is the most important to me because I dealt with someone who was vague, indirect and secretive when it came to talking about himself. I understand that some people have trust issues and aren’t going to open up right away and that is fine but when you are involved with someone for a several years and you feel like you really don’t know the essence of who they are, then you have a problem. Knowing the basics is a given but if a real connection is to happen, I feel like certain truths have to be shared that may be uncomfortable to talk about or may leave you feeling vulnerable. If your partner is holding back things from you or you feel that you have to be “Inspector Gadget” to find out what’s going on with him/her, chances are they aren’t ready for that next level and you have to respond accordingly…in other words: MOVE ON!
The most important thing I’ve learned from creating my non-negotiables list is that the qualities, traits and behaviors I want from my future partner will be shown in time and when someone shows you who they are, you have to believe them and take their actions at face value. My non-negotiables list has helped me to be completely honest with myself and what I want and is a guideline for the things I should look for in my next relationship. Everyone’s list will be different but regardless of what is included, always stay true to yourself and what you want from your partner. Most importantly, you have to be able to also be able to possess those same qualities and traits that you are requiring from your partner. It is so easy to stay complacent in a relationship or situation that isn’t going anywhere but being firm on your standards and not settling will be much more rewarding in the end. Until then, I’m just focusing on “AmoreLuxe.com (Of course!) Amore Luxe Media, and improving my mental, physical and emotional well-being. I will continue to keep you updated 🙂
What are your non-negotiables? I’m curious especially since I can always add to my list! Feel free to share them in the comments section below. Until my next post, always remember to love and live luxuriously!