Happy Holidays everyone! I wanted to make 1 last post for 2016 before I decided to introduce a few of the changes I have in store for 2017. A lot of my friends and followers have been asking me why the posts on the site have been few and far in between and I would tell them that I was lacking inspiration which was true but there was more behind that statement.
Even though the issue was that I couldn’t think of anything to write about, I really didn’t want to write period. I feel that I can articulate myself better when I am talking to others whether it be through videos or face to face conversations. Writing is just something that I felt obligated to do because I have a blog site and written content is what’s expected so I tried to deliver to the best of my ability. The issue with that was that I wasn’t satisfied with most of my posts. I wanted to get back to doing what I love which is the videos/public speaking/discussions/hosting part of my life. Now my original issue which was the lack of inspiration comes into play.
I feel like talking about myself has become redundant and boring especially since I am still trying to figure a lot of things out and although so many people (including myself) like celeb gossip blogs, that was never the direction I wanted to go in with “Amore Luxe” so I kept wracking my brain trying to figure out what I could talk about that would be entertaining and intriguing without compromising my vision and I think I’ve finally got it! Stay tuned to see what I’ve come up with when I make my first post of 2017 next week 😉 Continue reading
Good Afternoon! I know I haven’t posted in a week and to be honest, I didn’t feel up to it. I’ve been really bummed out lately and up until today, my anxiety was going into overdrive. I had a hard time falling asleep and when I finally did, I kept having weird dreams that I’m still trying to decipher. On top of all that, my chest felt tight and I knew I was worried/anxious but I wasn’t sure why. It took spending time with my grandmother yesterday for the light bulb to go off in my head and the conversation we had helped me get to the root of my anxiety which helped me to move forward.
My grandmother has soooooo many pictures from the time she graduated high school until now and as I mentioned in an earlier post “Photograph”, (https://amoreluxe.com/2016/10/12/photograph/) I love looking at them and hearing all the stories behind the pictures. As we came across a picture of my father who passed in 2014, we both started feeling melancholy and my grandma said “A mother isn’t supposed to outlive her child” and how she usually understands that everything happens for a reason but my father’s passing was something that she could never fully comprehend. I told her that some things just aren’t meant to be understood but that you have to accept it and find peace in knowing that things happen the way they are supposed to. Call it destiny, fate or whatever but what is meant to be will be. In that moment, I realized that most of my anxiety stemmed from the fact that I was worried about things that I could not change or control. I would ask myself questions like “Why did I slack off in my late teens-early 20’s at the first college I attended?” “Why did I waste so much time being involved with men who weren’t ready to commit?” and the one that I kept wasting energy on was “Why does it feel like I’m so behind in life compared to everyone else?” The answer to all of my questions was the same: Since it cannot be changed, I need to find peace with it and move on. I can’t change the past so why do I continue to focus on the mistakes I’ve made as it relates to school or relationships? I can only focus on the present and future and learn from those mistakes to make better choices that will bring happiness and success in my life. When it comes to worrying about others, it’s pointless because as I’ve stated many times before, everyone has their own journey and comparing my life to others doesn’t help me in my journey especially since I may not know what they went through to get to where they are today. Everyone has their own story and while I encourage others to go after their goals and dreams and live up to their potential, I only have control over my life and I need to direct my thoughts and energy on getting to where I want to be and look at positive examples and use that to fuel my motivation instead of allowing it to drain the passion that burns within me. I would say the “Serenity Prayer” every night before going to bed but last night was the first time in a long time that I said it and believed in the words I whispered to myself. For those of you who don’t know the “Serenity Prayer”, here it goes:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference.
I know that the battle within myself isn’t over yet but I am in a better mental space today and I am glad I am able to share all the craziness inside this head of mine with you! Let me know what you think and like/share this post if you were able to learn something from it 🙂 Check back on Wednesday for my next post which will probably be about what helps me to de-stress because I’ve tried any and everything to relax and stay focused so stay tuned for that!
Much love to you all and always remember to love and live luxuriously!
Happy Friday! I told myself that after I overcame my writer’s block caused by having pity parties,I would be honest, transparent and vulnerable because sometimes baring it all helps with the healing process. I started thinking about what I have gone through in the past 5 years: graduating college, losing my father, relaunching my website and more recently, ending a situationship that was going nowhere. In the midst of all these events that have transpired, I felt myself not being able to talk to my friends about the things going on in my life. I felt disconnected from others and isolated myself because my goals and aspirations weren’t in alignment with theirs and we couldn’t relate to each other anymore. It was driving me crazy and I couldn’t figure out what had changed. Up until this week, I was still stumped but then it hit me. It wasn’t what changed but who and the person that changed was me.
Once I had that epiphany simple but enlightening nonetheless, everything finally started to sense. One of the friendships that stuck out in my mind was the one I have with my best friend Felesha especially given our history. We met through an online Usher group back in 2001 (don’t judge us!) and connected instantly. We could relate to each other on so many levels from dealing with insecurities as far as our looks, “daddy” issues and of course our mutual love for Usher! We seemed to have so much in common so becoming best friends was inevitable. We were young and optimistic but over time, our differences started to overshadow the common experiences that helped our friendship blossom. She was very blunt, borderline rude at times while I could be overly sensitive and tried my best to think before I spoke. She grew up in a big family with many siblings and desired to have children. I only had my brother and the desire to have children decreased over time especially seeing how much work raising a child is after working in a daycare environment for over 7 years. She was content with having a minimalist middle class lifestyle that would be enough for her and her family. I on the other hand craved luxury and opulence and wanted wealth more than starting a family. These are a few of the differences that stood out to me after an emotional conversation we had a few months back after being offended by her tone and language. I wondered what happened to my best friend that I was so close to. Why did I no longer feel like I could talk to her about things going on in my life without feeling judged and criticized because we had different perspectives on how the future should be? Was she always this way but youth and naivety blinded my vision or was it just a matter of time before life and our own unique experiences would leave an imprint that would forever change the course of our friendship? Whatever it was, I knew that things had changed but what I didn’t realize until this epiphany was that I placed a lot of the blame on her instead of admitting that I was also at fault. Ultimately it came down to realizing that we both changed because change is inevitable. We can’t think and act like the teens we were when we met because there would be no growth or progression. Life experiences mold us into unique individuals and the traits that may be seen as negative in some aspects can also be seen as positive depending on the situation. I realized that I needed to let go of the young girls we once were and work on strengthening the friendship between the women we have become. It’s still a work in progress (see what I did there!) but I have a feeling that our friendship will survive the test of time because we are able to see things as they are and not what we imagined them to be when we were young. That clarity has made me love and appreciate her even more than I did before.
I saw a quote on Facebook that really resonated with me that said “When you begin to truly trust and like yourself, you tap into an immense amount of power.” I am learning to trust myself and love myself and embrace the stronger, outspoken woman who I am becoming. Becoming that woman means accepting harsh truths and understanding that I can’t be the person I used to be. The goals I want to achieve requires me be greater than I used to be while still remaining true to the essence of who I am. I can finally accept that I have indeed changed and can honestly say it is for the better!
Let me know what you think in the comments section below and share your experiences as well! Have a lovely weekend:)
Always remember to love and live luxuriously!
Hey everyone! I know I went MIA once again but I have a good reason! I’ve been trying to get things together behind the scenes so that I could execute the vision I have for the site properly. I’ve been going through a lot these past couple of months but I’m finally starting to see the bright light at the end of the tunnel. With that being said, this summer will be one full of new and eye opening experiences! I’ve got a few things in the works so stay tuned!
I’ll be posting on social media but “Amore Luxe” will not be updated with new posts until next week. Gonna enjoy my newfound freedom(more on that next week!) and the 4th of July weekend! I hope everyone has an amazing week:)
Always remember to love and live luxuriously!