Wisdom Wednesday: Priority vs. Option

priorityoptioneditGood Afternoon! I told myself that 2016 would be different in many ways. I would stay on my grind and make sure that nothing takes my focus off what I want to do and where I want to be in the next few years. In order for me to do that, I’d have to drop distractions that  hold me back from my goals and that includes the dead-end “situationship” that I was in for 4 years. I would often ask myself how did I get to a point where I was willing to settle for things I didn’t want or deserve solely because I was afraid of losing someone who I fell so hard for. I ended up losing someone and it wasn’t the man I was in love with but the person I should have focused on first in my life: ME.

My “epiphany” moment came from Facebook surprisingly enough. I saw a list that one of my friends posted that was titled “15 signs you are an option not a priority in a relationship. When I went through the list and thought about the signs that applied to our situation, I realized that most of them (11 to be exact) were signs that I simply ignored or was too blinded by my feelings to see the reality of the situation. Two signs that really stuck out was lying about insignificant things and acting secretive and/or suspicious. These were issues that I always had with the man I was involved with and it really bothered me because I consider myself to be a pretty honest person who wears their heart on their sleeve. It baffled me that the person that I was so crazy about didn’t feel comfortable or secure enough to do the same with me. I expressed this multiple times but it seemed pointless because he wasn’t willing to open himself up to me in that way. I realized that even though I would voice my frustrations and complain, my actions did not match my words. I still put up with things I didn’t agree with and still allowed him to treat me as an option instead of a priority. It wasn’t until that moment when I started to see things as they are instead of how I imagined them to be.

When I started becoming distant physically and mentally, that was when he finally understood that I was serious. Unfortunately, that wasn’t enough for him to want to change his ways and it was in that instant that I realized that you can’t say or do anything to make anyone want to change. Change comes from within and this is where I always failed in my past relationships. I thought that if I was patient and loving enough, the man would see this and want to change so he wouldn’t lose me. This was not the case. Instead, I would be the one going through all the changes and end up compromising or giving in completely so I wouldn’t rock the boat. Bitterness and anger built up inside and when I finally reached my breaking point, he was blindsided. The boat had finally been rocked!

I have no regrets about our situation. I realize that I have patterns that have been harmful to my emotional growth and well-being and I need to work on myself before I consider getting into another relationship. I remember hearing the saying “Treat others in the way you want to be treated” . I agree with this but I also think that I need to treat myself the way I want to be treated. That means leaving a dead-end situation before getting in too deep, making sure that I’m being true to myself and what I want out of my life and most importantly, only allowing myself to be treated as a priority, never an option.

Always remember to love and live luxuriously!

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