Disconnect

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“So how come when I reach out my fingers, it seems like more than distance between us?”

Good Afternoon! I’ve tried to think of something to write about all weekend but nothing came to mind. So I gave up and decided to watch “Luke Cage” on Netflix at the suggestion of one of my friends Saturday night. I’m not a comic book fan so I didn’t think I would be able to get into the show but Saturday night turned into Sunday morning and then after sleeping and running errands, I finished the season Sunday evening. I really love the idea of a black superhero wearing a hoodie in the Black Mecca that is Harlem. The premise alone had me hooked but there was one conversation Luke had with his friend/potential love interest that sealed the deal. Luke was talking about a woman that he loved but ended up betraying him and was reminiscing on all that they went through. Here’s how part of the conversation went:

Luke: You ever hold someone in your arms.Hear them breathing against your chest. And you’re in one emotional place and they’re in another and you have absolutely no idea what they’re thinking?

Claire:  It’s called having a boyfriend.

I had to stop and rewind that scene because those lines hit home for me. Even though Claire was being funny, she was on point as it relates to trying to understand your significant other. I know what it feels like to feel like the person that you are with really isn’t in tune to how you are feeling. Your feelings for this person are so strong and you are in this moment with them and you are physically close because of your embrace but mentally, the two of you couldn’t be further apart. There is a disconnect and you lie there wondering how did you guys get to this point and is there any coming back from it.

There were many instances where I felt this way with the last guy I was seeing. My feelings ran deep and it just felt like no matter what I said or did, it wasn’t resonating with him the way everything he did resonated with me. It was like looking at a blank canvas sometimes because I couldn’t tell if we were on the same page or if he felt anything real for me at all. It was frustrating being with someone who didn’t seem to care one way or the other about my feelings because instead of seeing the love and pain that lied deep within myself reflected in his eyes, I saw nothing. Over time, I became fed up and started to mimic his behavior and that included disconnecting from him. Less intimate touches and embraces but more importantly, I no longer tried to understand what was going on inside of his head and didn’t care what he thought about my lack of emotion. Talking soon ceased and I stopped initiating contact with him.  The physical disconnect finally reflected the mental disconnect that had lingered between us for as long as I could remember. Even though it took a minute to realize that this wasn’t healthy, it taught me a lot about myself. Some of us tend to keep pushing and trying to figure their partner out but when someone has checked out of the relationship, there is nothing you can do. You end up become a watered down version of yourself putting more time and effort into a situation and the actions are not being reciprocated. It took a series of disappointments and withdrawal from both sides to realize that we were stagnant and it was best to leave before I ended up becoming “disconnected” permanently.  Every lesson is a blessing and this experience taught me that sharing a real connection with your significant other is essential for the relationship to grow and thrive. Disconnection leads to disappointment so make sure you address those behaviors before it’s too late. Now that I know better, I’ll do better in my next relationship. Hopefully it will be the last! fingers crossed

 

Let me know what you think by liking/commenting/sharing! I’m trying to post at least 3x a week so stay tuned for my next post coming tomorrow. Much love to you all!

 

Always remember to love and live luxuriously!

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Changes 

Happy Friday!  I told myself that after I overcame my writer’s block caused by having pity parties,I would be honest, transparent and vulnerable because sometimes baring it all helps with the healing process. I started thinking about what I have gone through in the past 5 years: graduating college, losing my father, relaunching my website and more recently, ending a situationship that was going nowhere. In the midst of all these events that have transpired, I felt myself not being able to talk to my friends about the things going on in my life. I felt disconnected from others and isolated myself because my goals and aspirations weren’t in alignment with theirs and we couldn’t relate to each other anymore. It was driving me crazy and I couldn’t figure out what had changed. Up until this week, I was still stumped but then it hit me. It wasn’t what changed but who and the person that changed was me.

Once I had that epiphany simple but enlightening nonetheless, everything finally started to sense. One of the friendships that stuck out in my mind was the one I have with my best friend Felesha especially given our history. We met through an online Usher group back in 2001 (don’t judge us!) and connected instantly. We could relate to each other on so many levels from dealing with insecurities as far as our looks, “daddy” issues and of course our mutual love for Usher! We seemed to have so much in common so becoming best friends was inevitable. We were young and optimistic but over time, our differences started to overshadow the common experiences that helped our friendship blossom. She was very blunt, borderline rude at times while I could be overly sensitive and tried my best to think before I spoke. She grew up in a big family with many siblings and desired to have children. I only had my brother and the desire to have children decreased over time especially seeing how much work raising a child is after working in a daycare environment for over 7 years. She was content with having a minimalist middle class lifestyle that would be enough for her and her family. I on the other hand craved luxury and opulence and wanted wealth more than starting a family. These are a few of the differences that stood out to me after an emotional conversation we had a few months back after being offended by her tone and language. I wondered what happened to my best friend that I was so close to. Why did I no longer feel like I could talk to her about things going on in my life without feeling judged and criticized because we had different perspectives on how the future should be? Was she always this way but youth and naivety blinded my vision or was it just a matter of time before life and our own unique experiences would leave an imprint that would forever change the course of our friendship? Whatever it was, I knew that things had changed but what I didn’t realize until this epiphany was that I placed a lot of the blame on her instead of admitting that I was also at fault. Ultimately it came down to realizing that we both changed  because change is inevitable. We can’t think and act like the teens we were when we met because there would be no growth or progression. Life experiences mold us into unique individuals and the traits that may be seen as negative in some aspects can also be seen as positive depending on the situation. I realized that I needed to let go of the young girls we once were and work on strengthening the friendship between the women we have become. It’s still a work in progress (see what I did there!) but I have a feeling that our friendship will survive the test of time because we are able to see things as they are and not what we imagined them to be when we were young. That clarity has made me love and appreciate her even more than I did before.

I saw a quote on Facebook that really resonated with me that said “When you begin to truly trust and like yourself, you tap into an immense amount of power.” I am learning to trust myself and love myself and embrace the stronger, outspoken woman who I am becoming. Becoming that woman means accepting harsh truths and understanding that I can’t be the person I used to be. The goals I want to achieve requires me be greater than I used to be while still remaining true to the essence of who I am. I can finally accept that I have indeed changed and can honestly say it is for the better!

Let me know what you think in the comments section below and share your experiences as well! Have a lovely weekend:)

Always remember to love and live luxuriously!

I’m Back!: Life Updates, Facebook Live Chat and more!

Good Afternoon everyone! I know its been over 3 months since my last post but I’ve been working on a masterpiece that needs to take time and develop in order for greatness! I am not talking about a particular object or idea but I realized that for this site and everything else in my life to work, I have to be the best version of myself and I can honestly say that I haven’t been for much of this year. A lot of it was throwing pity parties and feeling sorry for myself because things weren’t working out the way that I expected them to and I just felt like I was trapped in this never-ending cycle of a bad situationship and that no one could truly understand or relate. As a result, I isolated myself from people most of the time. In addition to all of that, I was holding anger towards people who I felt wronged me and envious of those who I felt were doing better than me in life and I was letting all of this negative energy consume me. It got so bad that my anxiety started to build and I would have trouble sleeping at night worrying about everyone and everything except what was most important. At that point, I knew that I had to make a change. Talking about it while I was at the worst of it wouldn’t help because it wasn’t that I didn’t know what my issues were or why I had them. I needed to tune out the doubts that festered within and focus on my life and what I need to do to get to where I want to be instead of letting my past and all those involved deter me from achieving my goals. Life is not a race where only those who are ahead will find success but it is a journey that everyone has to take and travel in their own way at their own time.

If you would have asked me a few years ago where I saw my life once I turned 30, I would have told you that I would be a successful marketing/pr executive, my site would have thousands of monthly views AND I would be a YouTube star on the verge of hitting a million followers (dream big or not at all right!) but life is funny in that way because things don’t always turn out the way you expect them to. In the past, I’d throw yet another pity party and grumble to myself while lurking on social media and wishing I had the career and all the materialistic things to show for it. Now I know that feeling sorry for myself only keeps me stagnant and I will be successful even though I have altered my goals just a bit to align with the modified vision I have. I am not as focused on views or hits but more about creating content that resonates with women so we can create a dialogue and learn from each other. As far as becoming a marketing/pr exec, I would rather focus on being an entrepreneur and build the “Amore Luxe” brand by sharing my experiences through various online avenues (YouTube, Facebook, blog, etc.). The most important part in doing that is to not put so much stress on quantity but quality. If one person can leave “Amore Luxe” feeling more confident and inspired, then I will have done my job and fulfilled my purpose.

I know this is a longer post than usual but I have 3+ months worth of things to say! For those of you who aren’t following me on Facebook, (and if you aren’t, you can add me on here: http://www.facebook.com/angelacherai) I streamed live for the first time in a LONG time last Wednesday. The topic of the stream was “Work In Progress” and I will post it down below so you can view and let me know what you think! Thanks to my producer Lance for making sure everything went smoothly behind the scenes!

Okay if you have read up to this point, BLESS YOU! I just have one more update. I will be live on Facebook again on Wednesday October 26th at 8pm EST. The topic will be “Eliminating Limitations”. I have LOTS to say on this subject and I can’t wait to read everyone’s comments so definitely tune in! If you are not able to log on while I am live, the video will be on my Facebook page as well as on here so you won’t be out of the loop!

As I stated in my Facebook live stream, I am a work in progress and have a long way to go but I am happy that I am in a better place mentally and spiritually than I was at the beginning of 2016. Still working on the physical lol but I will get there…eventually! Thank you all so much for sticking with me through all the craziness and trust me, the best is yet to come!

Until next time,

always remember to love and live life luxuriously!

 

My Healthy Lifestyle Journey: Part Deux

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My goal is to look like this give or take 5 pounds!

Good Morning! I told myself that 2016 would be the year where I would give 100% to everything that I set out to do. Like the saying goes: Go big or go home and that’s what I intend on doing. I told myself that instead of waiting around for jobs to call me back for positions that I really don’t have the passion for, I’d do freelance work and control my schedule by working from home. I decided to do social media consulting from the luxury of mi casa and I work as director at the daycare center for a few hours in the morning and afternoon. I told myself that I would abstain from any sexual activity until I was in a committed relationship and I’ve been celibate for a few months now so I’m proud of myself. After I started getting my mind right and my finances in order, I knew I had to start working on my physical health and I could afford to do so since I have more time and a bit more $$$ in my pocket!

Yesterday marked the first day that I started working out and eating healthier. I started the PiYo Workout DVD from Beachbody. It is a workout that combines Pilates and Yoga techniques and I love both forms of exercise so I figured I’d try it out. The first workout I did yesterday was a bit intense but rewarding so I’m looking forward to the workout challenges that will come. As far as eating goes, I wasn’t really hungry so I didn’t eat much but the little that I did eat was healthy for the most part. I told myself that today would be better and I vow to keep that promise. My goal is to have a leaner and toned figure by my 30th birthday on May 31st. I’m going on a cruise to the Bahamas so my goal is to look right in my bikini!

I’ve realized that I have to think about the result instead of my current situation for me to stay determined and motivated. This goes for my fitness regimen but also applies to all of my personal and professional goals. When all is said and done. I want to live the best life possible and that will only happen if I push myself and stop creating limitations. Anything is possible and I intend for my life to be a shining example of that.

 

I will update you all on my healthy lifestyle journey and plan on showing you guys a before and after picture on my birthday so make sure you keep checking back to see my progress!

 

Always remember to love and live luxuriously!