Is Social Media Helpful or Harmful When It Comes To Dating?

Good Morning! I know I said I was going to post on Monday but I have had the hardest time trying to think of things to write. Same ish different day basically but I was talking to my therapist about needing things to talk about and she suggested that I discuss how social media has affected dating in modern times. As a social media marketer, I know how important social media is as far as promoting businesses and services as well as staying connected to family and friends that you may not get to see often. As far as dating goes though, I never thought about the effect it may have on relationships especially since the last guy I was seeing didn’t have any social media pages (or so he says lol) so that was never an issue for me. I started thinking about the pros and cons of social media as it relates to dating and while social media has been beneficial in building friendships and professional relationships, I think it has done more harm than good on the dating front.  I’ve seen my fair share of drama on social media and sad to say, the majority of the drama was relationship related.

One of the reasons why I think social media has been a hinderance on dating is because you lose a lot of the excitement of getting to know someone without checking their Instagram or Facebook page to get a feel of who they are. I feel that social media isn’t a true reflection of a person but instead, a calculated and curated image of how he or she wants to be perceived. Perception doesn’t always equal reality so instead of trying to decipher what certain quotes mean or falling in lust over a heavily filtered image, step away from your computer or phone and allow yourself to get to know someone without any preconceived notions based on their profiles.

Another problem with dating while on social media is that many people use likes, comments and statuses as validation. If a guy/girl doesn’t change their relationship status publicly or post pics on social media of them being in a relationship, suddenly there’s an issue because the other person is looking for social media acceptance and/or approval. Your relationship isn’t “real” unless everyone knows about it. Facebook/Instagram/Twitter should not be the deciding factor on whether your love is real or feelings are mutual. Now I’m not saying that it’s okay for your significant other to intentionally not post pics or follow you because he/she doesn’t want anyone to know that they are involved but it should be a natural progression and based on the person’s comfort level. There are people who aren’t into posting their daily lives on social media because it is outside their comfort zone and that should be respected. Navigating the social media space can be tricky but how a relationship should be shared should be decided between two people not the world-wide web.

The biggest issue I have with social media and dating is the disconnect that comes when people become dependent on social media interactions instead of face to face connections. Personally, I don’t want Facebook messages or dms on Instagram to become a main form of communication when getting to know someone. If you are interested in me, show it by asking me for my number and talking to me on the phone so we can set up a real date. Liking my pics or commenting with heart emojis don’t mean as much as sending flowers and notes. It’s the thought and effort that counts and social media interactions require little thought and effort but actions speak volumes. Even if the connection may start online, the face to face interactions are what will build and strengthen the connection that will hopefully last beyond the confines of cyberspace.

I don’t know of any instances where relationships built off of social media input and suggestions have stood the test of time but I could be wrong. I just don’t think that creating a potential reality show or melodrama for your social media followers is the way to longevity in a relationship. There should be balance and everyone including myself( in my next relationship!) have to find that social media/real-life balance that works for them and their relationship. Have you had social media drama that came at the expense of your relationship? Let me know in the comments below (yup I’m nosy lol). I’ll be back on Friday with another dating related post so stay tuned! As always, remember to love and live luxuriously!

 

 

 

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Is Online Dating Worth The Hassle?


Hey lovelies! I told myself that I was going to be completely honest with you guys about what’s going on in my life this time around so I decided to share something that I was kind of embarrassed about. Then I said eff it and decided to share my dating struggles. I’ve talked about the issues with the last guy I was seeing back in March (here’s the link to that post! https://amoreluxe.com/2018/03/14/shattering-my-rose-colored-glasses/) and that situation is dead lol but I wanted to step back out into the dating world but had difficulty because I don’t meet different types of guys in my neighborhood. At my last job, I only dealt with kids, staff and parents (and I’ve never gotten involved with a parent lol) and don’t frequent the types of places where I can meet different types of men so my only option was to resort to online dating. I’ve tried online dating in the past and even started seeing a guy that I met online but things did not work out. (Check out this post for details on that situation! https://amoreluxe.com/2016/10/14/forgiveness/) I was very hesitant to try it again but my bff Krystal suggested I try it again to see if things would be different the second time around. She told me to have an open mind but to always go with my gut because ignoring it could lead to serious consequences. If something doesn’t seem right about a guy when talking to him, don’t ignore that feeling and end it if things are being said or done that makes you feel super uncomfortable or seems suspect. I am not anxious to jump in a relationship or commit to anything serious at this moment but if I meet someone and we click, I won’t reject it out of fear either. With all of that being said,I felt like I was ready to try again so I decided to reactivate my account for “OkCupid”. I also signed up for a dating app called “Coffee Meets Bagel” and a site I’ve never heard of called “Hinge”. Here’s my thoughts and ratings on the sites/apps:

 

OkCupid

I joined OkCupid back in 2014 and liked it alright but I am very selective with who I choose to talk to so I ended up talking to a few guys but only had a real connection with 2 of them. I am still friends with one of them to this day (you know who you are 😉) and I am so happy that him and I support each other in our endeavors. The other guy who I ended up meeting in person and attempted to build something exhibited narcissistic tendencies and shady behavior and the latter was the main reason our situation ended. Needless to say, he was the reason that I was hesitant about reactivating my account but I told myself that I am wiser and that finding someone would be the icing on the cake and not the cake itself. Since there is no pressure, I could go into this with an open mind and just have fun! I realized that I’m just as picky as I was before but not just when it comes to looks. Most of the men I find attractive on the site seem to lack conversation and besides a “Hey what’s up?” and “What are you doing?”, it’s like pulling teeth to get them to say anything even though their profiles seem to have substance to them. One guy even hit me up after midnight when we hadn’t talked all day and tried to steer the conversation into a sexual direction so I had to shut that down quick! I’m not going to delete the app just yet but I am wary about the men that send me messages on there. This app gets a 2 out of 5 stars for now but hopefully I’ll meet a man who will change my mind.

Coffee Meets Bagel

Coffee Meets Bagel is different from OkCupid as far as the type of guys that frequent the site. I’ve noticed that more professional types (businessmen, doctors, lawyers) frequent this site than on OkCupid. These men also seem to be looking for something serious in contrast to OkCupid where many of the guys are looking for hookups and casual types of situations. Coffee Meets Bagel doesn’t let you browse through a large number of guys unless you pay for additional points or beans as they are called on the app. I REFUSE to pay for dating services of any kind so I deal with the limitations of the free services. I have begun conversations with a coupled of the guys I matched with but so far, nothing has materialized. The conversations only stay open for a couple of weeks unless you reopen it for 30 days so I’m guessing they expect you to make connections quickly and connect outside the app which I have yet to do. I will give this app 3.5/5 stars because I see it’s potential and I feel that some good prospects are out there just waiting for me lol

Hinge


Now this is a site/app I’ve never heard of until my therapist suggested it to me. This app is different from OkCupid and Coffee Meets Bagel in its simplicity. You only have to answer 3 random questions and connect your account to Instagram to create a profile. Even though there’s only 3 questions on the profile, they are interesting and the answers I’ve read have given me a bit of insight into what the guy is like. Like Coffee Meets Bagel, the guys on this app seem to be looking for something serious and the guys I’ve had conversations with so far seem have intrigued me. Not to mention that I am more attracted to the guys on this app as a whole compared to the other two! I haven’t made a real connection yet but I just downloaded it last week so there’s no rush. I am giving this app 4/5 stars and if I meet someone and it leads to something, I’ll be the first to promote this app all over my social media 😂

 

 

Have you tried online dating? What have been your experiences? And for the fellas, have you had similar experiences with women on these apps? I wanna know ALL the tea 😛

Sound off in the comments section and be sure to like and share this post!

 

Stay tuned for a new post either on Friday or Monday depending on how my week goes lol…until then be sure to love and live luxuriously!

My Year End Post: Master of My Fate

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul.
          Invictus by William Ernest Henley

IMG_0410-0Merry Christmas Eve everyone! I wanted to write a post before the new year came in and since I have off from work for a few days, I figured that I would write my end of year post today. I have thought a lot about this year and all the ups and downs that have brought me to the place where I am today.

The beginning of the year started off well and I had big plans for the site and life in general. Things rarely go as planned so when my father suddenly became ill and died a few weeks later, my world was turned upside down. Nothing made sense anymore and I felt lost. His death was a wake up call for me and I started seeing everything in my life for what it really was instead of what I wanted it to be. After having a conversation with my publicist, I decided to relaunch the site under a new name that was more in alignment with my message of confidence being the foundation that everything else in life is built upon. “Amore Luxe” was going to be a new beginning for me in many ways and I wanted to incorporate this fresh start into other areas in my life both professional and personal. I told myself that instead of feeling stuck in a situation that was going nowhere in regards to the man I was seeing, I would attempt to date. Once again, reality didn’t quite match up to my expectations.

When I joined the online dating site OkCupid.com this past summer, I thought I would interact with men who wanted the same things I did as far as building a friendship and working on being in a relationship. I found out that many of them were more interested in having a “friends with benefits” type of situation and while messaging and flirting was fun for me at first, I soon realized that I wanted more and the guys I was interacting with weren’t ready and/or able to be open to the possibility of what that entailed. Even the one guy who I thought I had made a connection with from OkCupid turned out to be a flake who never made good on his word and it made me realize that even though online dating is different from real face to face interaction, disappointment when things don’t work out still hurts just the same.

While in the 4th quarter of 2014 after getting disappointment after disappointment over situations and people who had let me down , I told myself that I would focus on things that o could control and let everything else just fall into place. Focusing on “Amore Luxe” was definitely on that list but I needed financial stability so I could take things to the next level. Unfortunately, finding a job related to my major (marketing) was easier said than done. I went on a few interviews that didn’t pan out and with the holidays coming up, I knew that retail work would be something I could do until I was able to do what I really wanted. I talked about my job in my last post so I won’t get into that but working there has made me realize that my purpose is greater than my current situation and that it is up to me to use this as motivation to get me where I need to be.

As I sit here writing this semi long post(if you read up to this point, I am pleasantly surprised and appreciative!) I see now that I am the “master of my fate and the captain of my soul” meaning that no outside power or force can have control over me unless I allow it. Trials and tribulations are a part of life but it is up to me to stay strong and to pick myself up when I fall down. I can’t let fear of the unknown or disappointment run my life and I can’t let others opinions of me deter me from my destiny. 2015 is a week away and although I can’t be 100% certain of what to expect in the weeks and months to come, I can say that I am trying a different approach this time around that has nothing to do with changing physical attributes related to myself or “Amore Luxe”. Instead, I am focusing on becoming a better blogger, vlogger, businesswoman and most importantly, a better human being that can help others master their fate and become captains that can change the world.

Thank you to all who have been on this amazing journey with me…we have so much more to do so stay tuned:)

Always remember to love and live luxuriously!

 

Random Thoughts Webisode 1

Hey everyone! I have racked my brain all last month trying to figure out how to post more consistently and last week, I finally came up with a great idea: get back to vlogging. Back when  the site was called “The Angielala Experience”, I would do monthly ustreams/Spreecast chats and would record YouTube videos where I would rant about a particular topic. Unfortunately, I felt pressured to think of topics to discuss and lost interest in doing the video part of the site but I realized that there is no pressure when I share events from my life and all the things going on inside my head. I figured that doing a “Random Thoughts” webisode series would be the best way to stay connected with you guys and hearing your opinion would give me ideas on what to talk about in future videos and posts. This first “Random Thoughts” webisode is basically an intro and my current dating life lol…Check out the video below and let me know what you think!

 

 

Love and live luxuriously!