Good Afternoon! I wanted to post my 3rd Quarantine Entry a few days ago but I am all about being honest and didn’t want to post about a topic where I couldn’t give you any advice on what worked for me because I was still dealing with a particular dilemma or issue. In this case, the issue is anxiety. I have discussed my anxiety issues in the past and how I’ve tried to stop catastrophizing situations and speak positive thoughts into my life. Being quarantined has made doing these things a bit more difficult and as a result, my anxiety has been coming in full force. Dealing with the tightness in my chest and heart palpitations are one thing but the never-ending negative thoughts are what really drive me crazy. Everything is always worst case scenario and in every scenario, I am the reason why certain things are happening even when I really have no control over the actual events that are taking place. In order for me to handle my anxiety, I had to figure out the root cause of why I was feeling the way I was.
Many of the thoughts that kept popping up were related to loneliness and frustration because I felt like the life I once had was gone forever. That life included me seeing my boyfriend on a regular basis and being able to make plans with friends. Even though I know that I am not the only one having a tough time with all of the pandemic related situations we have been forced in, my responses to them were extreme and I couldn’t understand why until I took a deep look at what usually triggers my anxiety. It was then that I realized that my personal insecurities were the contributing factor and they were having a serious effect on how I perceived situations. I read way too much into things people would say and feel slighted by their actions even if that was not their intention. I made mountains out of molehills and then the mountains created avalanches in my mind that kept spiraling out of control. It was my feelings of inadequacy that was the foundation of all of my inner conflict and frustration and once I realized that, I was able to handle my anxiety better by looking at situations for what they were instead of creating worst case scenarios in my mind. By just focusing on the facts and logic and not letting emotions cloud my judgment, I was able to see that in many instances, I was either overreacting, allowing my insecurities to exacerbate situations or just worrying about situations that were unlikely to happen because I was unable to see the bright side of the situation.
Anxiety is something that I deal with on a regular basis and in extreme situations like quarantine, the feelings hit me like a mack truck. I’m learning that when they do appear, I need to take a deep breath, assess the situation and think objectively in order to gain a better perspective on things. Most importantly, allowing insecurities to creep in every time something happens that comes off as a trigger feels like I’m playing the victim and although I have no control over what others say or do, I have complete control over how I think and respond and heading into negative territory does more harm than good. I am a work in progress but I am happy that I am learning how to combat the anxiety and worry right when it happens instead of letting it linger on for hours and days at a time. One good thing that has come out of being in quarantine is self-reflection which has allowed me to really hone in on what needs to be worked on in my life in order to have the life I want. In addition to improving my mental well-being, I am determined to improve my physical well-being by working out and eating better. I’ve started on my health and wellness journey and in the coming weeks, I will update you on my progress so stay tuned for that 🙂
Are there any tips or techniques you use to deal with anxiety? Share them in the comments below! I will be back next week with another quarantine diary entry but until then, I hope you have a great weekend and remember to love and live luxuriously!
Good Morning! I had another post ready to go but after having a conversation with a special someone, I realized that the topic that I had previously chosen really didn’t resonate with me and the writing process felt forced. I started thinking about what I have been dealing with and I realized with all that is going on in my life, I have been making excuses for not doing the things I said I was going to do. I know that if I really want something, I do whatever it takes to get what it is that I desire but lately, I have been making excuses for not achieving the goals I set out to do whether it is promoting “Amore Luxe Media” more, working out 2-3 times a week, drinking more water, etc. I don’t have any valid reasons why I can’t accomplish my goals but I have placed the feelings of comfort and contentment above the fear of failure and disappointment instead of focusing on the end result that will lead to happiness and fulfillment by accomplishing my goals.
My ultimate goal is to become stronger mentally, physically and spiritually. In order to accomplish this, I have to work on the things that are holding me back from being the best version of myself. Going to therapy has helped me improve my mental well-being but I have to do the work after my sessions which means that I need to use the tools that I learned in therapy such as positive thinking, decatastrophizing and meditation/breathing exercises in order to reap the benefits of what I have learned without making excuses that result into the old ways of thinking. As far as my physical well-being, I need to stop making excuses about not drinking water, eating healthier or going to the gym since they are attainable (especially since I pay for a monthly gym membership that is going to waste lol) Not messing up my hair or not wanting to drink water because of the taste isn’t a good enough excuse for me not to do the things that will improve my overall health. My father’s side of the family has a high risk of heart disease and making excuses solely because I don’t want to inconvenience myself is not only stupid but it is putting my health at risk. A temporary inconvenience should not be a deterrent from being in peak physical condition. Excuses are for those who lack the passion and drive to change their life and I refuse to continue to be part of that group!
As far as my professional goals are concerned, I am working on “Amore Luxe Media” holiday promo specials so be on the lookout for that! I also plan on doing a couple of panels and discussions for 2020 so if you are in the NYC/NJ area, definitely stay tuned for that. Most importantly, I just want to remain true to myself and my vision and “Amore Luxe” is a big part of that so thank you for your continued support. It means the world to me! I am in a pretty good place in my life right now and I can’t wait to see what the end of 2019 and the beginning of 2020 bring. I will be sure to keep you all updated every step of the way! I’ll be back with a new post on Friday or Monday depending on my schedule but until then, always remember to love and live luxuriously!
Good Morning! I want to get right into today’s blog post topic because I have been seeing links and posts related to this topic for the past week and it has been on my mind heavy to discuss my personal experiences as it relates to being the fixer in relationships. After going to a men’s only discussion this past Saturday, I realized that when men aren’t ready to be in a committed relationship, they will not put in the time and effort it takes for the relationship to work. Some may stick around for the sex or convenience of the relationship but their actions makes it clear as to what their intentions really are. In the past, instead of paying attention to their actions, (or lack of inaction in many cases) I would try to “fix” whatever I saw that was broken in them or their situation in hopes that they would come to the light and realize that I was the woman of their dreams. Now I don’t need to tell you how that worked out lmao but what I realized that instead of trying to fix someone else, I needed to fix what what broken inside of me.
Growing up, I always had self-esteem issues. I felt inadequate and less than all throughout high school because I was the quintessential geek (had the glasses, braces and awkwardness that goes with it!) even though I thought that I could start fresh by moving to Atlanta for college, those insecurities still lingered and exposed themselves when I entered into a relationship with my first boyfriend while in college. He was my first everything and because I thought that I didn’t deserve because him of his good looks and accomplishments, I ignored the warning signs that he exhibited early on. He had a terrible temper and would get mad at me for the littlest things and would be emotionally manipulative in order to deflect from his is flaws and misgivings. I was young and naive and didn’t realize how he used my inexperience and insecurities to his advantage so instead of speaking up for myself and knowing my worth, I attempted to fix whatever it was that was broken inside of him because I felt responsible for his actions (crazy right!). So when he would get mad at me for getting a flat tire after leaving the movies, (even though he knew the tire was already losing air and the trip to the movies was on my dime) I would accept responsibility and apologize profusely. When he accused me of flirting with another man even though I was having a casual conversation with the husband of one of my friend’s guests, I would get defensive and try to explain myself not realizing that this was his guilt coming out because he was cheating on me. My own brokenness and insecurities blinded me from the truth and when I finally saw the relationship for what it was and decided to leave, the damage had already been done.
In the relationships and situation ships that followed, I excelled at being “Ms. Fix It”. One of the guys I was talking to even nicknamed me “Angel’ because he felt that I was a bright light in his life and someone that he could lean on for support when things weren’t going right. In my last situationship, I desperately tried to get the man I was seeing to open up to me and let me in. He was obviously broken and because I loved him and wanted to see him happy, I settled and put my feelings and needs aside to accommodate him. It became a relationship of convenience because everything was fit around his time and schedule. I felt like an option and an afterthought and the insecurities that continued to linger from all those years ago started to come out and confrontations about why he wasn’t able to fully commit to me went nowhere. This was emotionally draining and went on for years until I finally realized that the only broken person I am responsible for fixing is myself. I cannot control what anyone else says or does but I can control the access I let them have into my life. When I decided to let him go and make myself a priority, a weight was lifted off of me. I was able to start doing the work that was necessary in order to rebuild my life and my self-worth and although I am not where I want to be, I am definitely doing a whole lot better than I used to. Relinquishing the title of “Ms. Fix It” has been liberating and rewarding and unlike the times in the past, I am the one that benefits from putting in the work!
I know that many of you are guilty of being the fixer in your lives. Fixing is not limited to romantic relationships either because so many of us try to fix our family and friends that are broken and we end up losing pieces of ourselves in the process. When your know better, you do better so I hope that anyone who is going through this understands that you should have to break yourself down to build someone else up. Much love to you all and I will be back with a new post next week. Have a great weekend and remember to love and live luxuriously!
Good Morning! I planned on posting on Monday about my weekend and a men only discussion panel that I went to with friends on Saturday but things didn’t go as planned. I didn’t have the time to work on the post and properly articulate my thoughts so I pushed it to the back of my mind and focused on the tasks at hand. It wasn’t until I was on hold with my bank (who I need to get rid of but that’s another story!) that I was becoming inconsistent once again with posting but unlike in the past, I had a lot to say but didn’t have the time to sit down, reflect on my day/week and just take a breather so that I could get in the right frame of mind to be able to create quality content. In other words, I needed to give myself some time to just relax and get my mind right.
When I was in a stagnant place financially and career wise, I kept asking God to make changes in my life so I could get to where I wanted to be. I wanted to be motivated enough to go after what I wanted and I wanted to acquire new clients for “Amore Luxe Media” so I could have the funds I needed to do the things that would help me achieve my goals. God answered my prayers but I wasn’t prepared for what he had in store! In 3 months time, I started a podcast with my homie, started posting consistently on “Amore Luxe”, went back to working at the daycare center in a solely administrative role AND acquired 3 consistent new clients and a few others. Needless to say, I felt blessed but overwhelmed. My days consist of doing light paperwork at the daycare and working on various assignments for my clients. Once a week, I head out to NYC to record the podcast with my homie DJ (visit http://www.weekendfriendz.com for more information on how to listen!) as well as my weekly therapy sessions on Wednesdays which are helpful but can be an inconvenience with my already busy schedule. In the midst of all of that, I joined the gym and wanted to go at least twice a week after work to get in shape but so far, that hasn’t been working out. My brain is fried and I feel tired and overwhelmed. While I am thankful that I am no longer unmotivated or feeling stagnant, I feel like I am being pulled at both ends and even though I try to plan my schedule accordingly, I just feel like there’s not enough time in the day to do all of the things I want to do. I started feeling anxious about everything and decided instead of going down that rabbit hole of worry and self-doubt, I needed to take a moment to myself to get my mind and spirit right so I can be the best version of myself when finishing all of these tasks. Doing this was easier said than done but it was absolutely necessary.
First, I had what I like to call a “mini meditation moment”. I sat down, closed my eyes and inhaled/exhaled for about 5 minutes. After I have my moment to myself, I recited positive affirmations to myself (“You got this” “You are capable of doing anything you put your mind to” etc.) and watched YouTube videos . Once I felt like I was in a better frame of mind, I focused on the most important task off of my list which was working on an assignment for one of my clients. After being satisfied with the amount of work I put in towards the assignment, I started getting ready for bed and settled in with enough time to have another mini meditation moment before going to sleep. I realized that while I work well under pressure, I am not a robot and need to take some “me time” in order to recalibrate and perform at the highest level. Everyone’s version of “me time” is different but these tips worked for me but regardless of what method/actions you take to get your mind right, make sure you do it because it is essential for your overall health and well-being!
I plan on talking about the men only discussion panel I attended in my next post on Friday so be on the lookout for that. Until then, make sure you continue to be the best version of yourself in all aspects of life and remember to love and live luxuriously!