Toxic Relationship Types

Good Morning! I’ve realized that a lot of the inspiration behind many of my recent posts have come from something I’ve witnessed in person or online and today’s topic is no different. One of my FB friends shared a post that highlighted the 7 different types of toxic men in relationships. You have the good guy, the player, the inconsistent guy, the no initiative guy, the insecure guy, the emotionally draining guy and the Netflix and chill guy. I was laughing so hard to myself because I have definitely dated a few of these types of men which I will get into later but right after I shared the post on my page and saw some of the comments to it, they made one for 7 (actually 6) different types of toxic women including the curve queen, the heartless girl. the pick me, the user, the head over heels girl and the insecure girl. I’m not sure if it was because its more difficult to be objective when thinking about yourself or because I didn’t see myself as a “toxic” type but after rereading and being completely honest with myself, I saw that I was a mixture of two types and because of that, I may be part of the reason why I haven’t had success in past relationships.

As far as the types of toxic men I’m attracted to, I usually attract the inconsistent man because I’m pretty chill at the beginning and when the guy seems to show some interest, I start falling for him and it seems that at that exact moment that I catch feelings, he decides to fall back. It happened with the last guy I was seeing and it’s happened in the past with guys I was into. It has been so frustrating and I initially wondered what exactly was it that I was doing wrong and it took me a minute but I was able to figure out what my issue was. Somewhere in my subconscious, I am attracted to men that are afraid to comment. When I start having feelings for a man and he falls back a bit, instead of taking the hint and falling back after realizing that he wasn’t really as interested as I initially assumed or we weren’t on the same page as far as what we wanted from each other, I would see his nonchalant ways as a challenge of sorts and try to persuade him to want what I wanted. When that didn’t work, eventually I would fall back and then the guy would appear to show real interest once again and the vicious cycle continued. A lot of this stemmed from my own insecurities but also because of my pickiness which has led to toxic patterns and  behaviors that I exhibit in relationships that led me to the inconsistent men in my life.

I realized that I am a mix of the curve queen and the head over heels girl depending on who approaches me. If I am not really into a guy, I can be the curve queen because I’ll suggest meeting up but never actually put the effort into making plans lol. I also make excuses because I don’t want to hurt the person’s feelings even though I am not interested at all in talking or hanging out with them. On the other hand, when I am into someone, I am the head over heels girl because when I am into someone, I give them my all. I ignore red flags (as you can see from me being attached to the inconsistent guy lol) and I love the idea of love but haven’t always been patient enough or loved myself enough to not settle out of fear of failing and the fear of loneliness. After the last situation went sour, I decided that I have to be completely honest with myself, by myself and work on my mental, spiritual and physical (well I’m not quite there yet with the physical lol) in order to eliminate the toxic habits within myself that attract the toxic temporary men that may try to enter my life. They may have been able to come through before but now they will get denied at the first sign of flakiness and wishy washy behavior!

Which type(s) do you attract and which type(s) do you fall under? Let me know in the comments. I know its difficult to see your behaviors as toxic but you will learn a lot about yourself when you are completely honest with yourself. New post coming Friday. Until then, remember to love and live luxuriously!

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YouTube Rant: Emotional Manipulation and Lack of Self-Respect

Good Morning! I decided that I wanted to do a vlog of sorts today and was inspired by the conversations I overheard from a couple who were having relationship issues. I found out a lot of information from the 2 conversations (some may say TMI because they were shouting all of their personal business freely for the world to hear lol) but most importantly, I started thinking about the honest and heartfelt advice I’d want to hear if I was in a similar position. I know it is easy to comment from the outside looking it but sometimes it takes an outside, objective perspective to see things for what they really are instead of what you imagined they would be. Watch the video below to find out the backstory behind my rant and my thoughts on what happened.

Sound off in the comments below because I’d really love to hear everyone’s take on this situation. If you have any ideas for topics I should discuss in future rants, let me know! I’ll be back on Wednesday with another post. I hope everyone has an amazing week and always be sure to love and live luxuriously!

QOTD: What Constitutes As Lying?

Good Morning! I said in my previous post that today’s post would be based on a question that I posted on social media. For those of you who missed it, here is what I wrote:

QOTD: Should lying by omission be considered lying?

Ex: Your significant other asks who you’re hanging out with tonight. You say you are hanging out with your boys/girls but fail to mention that your ex will be there as well. Should you be at fault for not telling the whole truth?

The responses I received were interesting mainly because most women thought that lying by omission should be considered lying and many of the guys who replied felt that it shouldn’t be considered lying especially if information was withheld to avoid any future issues. Even though I can understand both arguments, I think that a lie by omission is still a lie because by withholding information, you allow the other person to create outcomes based off of the details you give. In the example I posted above, if you say that you are hanging out with your boys/girls but fail to mention that your ex will be at the same place and say that place is a bar, getting intoxicated around someone who you used to have a relationship with may create a situation that can lead to serious consequences. Many people would argue that just because someone is hanging around their ex doesn’t mean that they have feelings for them or that they want to get back into a relationship with them and while I wholeheartedly agree, if there is nothing to worry about. why hide the fact that the ex will be there in the first place? If the reason is to avoid drama in the form of accusations or jealousy, I feel that there are deeper issues in the relationship that need to be addressed. If you trust your partner completely, you should be secure in your relationship and most importantly, secure with yourself and what you bring to the table.

I feel that it all boils down to effective communication with your partner and respect for his/her feelings. If you know that hanging around your ex is going to be an issue, talk about what the specific issue is. If the issue stems from the ex causing issues in the past within your relationship, then maybe its best not to be around him/her even in a group setting. If the issue is mainly with your partner and their own insecurities, that is something that he/she needs to work on outside of the relationship especially if your actions have not warranted that type of behavior. I have dealt with men in the past that have omitted details from a situation and when I found out about them later, I was upset, not because of the actual detail being omitted but the fact that he deliberately failed to mention a detail because he wanted to avoid any type of confrontation or disagreement made me wary and suspicious of his behavior. Even if I would have felt some kind of way about the situation knowing all the details, I would have respected his honesty because honesty is very important to me in all of my relationships both personally and professionally. I can’t speak for everyone but I feel that if there is open communication and honesty within the relationship, omitting details would be unnecessary because trust would be established which would be stronger than any potential bs from outside sources.

Working on my first vlog/rant of 2019 for my next post and it’s gonna be a good one so stay tuned for that. In the meantime, I’d still love to read your feedback on this question so  make sure you let me know your thoughts in the comments below! Thanks to everyone for all of the positive feedback. I am really enjoying blogging for the first time in YEARS so know that I am just getting started! Until my next post, remember to love and live luxuriously!

Motivation Monday: Step Outside Your Comfort Zone

Happy Labor Day! Since today is a holiday, I know a lot of people are off from work/school but tomorrow is the start of a brand new work week and the start of school for a lot of individuals so I wanted to start the week off with an inspirational post. I want everyone to aspire to be the best versions of themselves and one way to do that is to take risks and step outside of your comfort zone to attain the things that you desire. Many times, we become so complacent in life and are used to our everyday routine that we are afraid to step out on faith and believe that we deserve so much more than we are currently receiving that we settle and mistake being content for being happy. It can take a life changing experience for us to see things the way they really are and at that point, it is clear that a major change needs to be made in order to see different results.

My bff Felesha recently lost her job of 5+ years unexpectedly. Even though it wasn’t her dream job, she made decent money and was content in the role and place she was in at this point in her life. It took being fired to reignite the fire and passion inside of her to push her to challenge herself. She was so used to settling for what she thought was okay when in reality, she knew that the knowledge, skills and experience she has meant that she could ask for more not only from a career standpoint but in all aspects of her life. She was upset for a day or two but brushed herself off and went on the job hunt. Within a week after losing her job, she interviewed for another position and was offered the job. This position paid almost double compared to what she was earning before which will help her in accomplishing other goals she has. Her being fired was definitely a blessing in disguise and it took Felesha being outside of her comfort zone of having job security and unsure of what her future held for her to go after what she really wanted. Even though being fired is one way for you to end up outside of your comfort zone, that extra push may not come unexpectedly from things outside of your control. Sometimes, not being satisfied with your current circumstances and life choices is enough to inspire big changes that will shake things up!

I was stuck in a position where I was unhappy with my life and I took steps to get to the point where I am now. Settling for “just okay” was the worst thing I could do and being okay in fact was miserable. I wasn’t able to be the best version of myself because I wasn’t living to my fullest potential. I had to leave a toxic job, a toxic situationship and go to therapy in order to find clarity and purpose. I am well on my way to achieving everything that I dreamed of but I have experienced many uncomfortable moments along the way including loneliness, uncertainty and the absence of funds (being broke is a mentality so I don’t want to use that phrase anymore lol) but I know that being uncomfortable means that I am on the right path because nothing worth having comes easy!

I want all of you to step outside your comfort zone (if you haven’t already) to find happiness/love/success or whatever it is that you desire! I have discussed some of the things I’ve done to get on track to achieving my goals (check out my previous posts on going to therapy and being my own biggest fan for more details) but I plan on talking about more of those steps in future posts so be on the lookout for that. My next post on Wednesday will be based on a question that I posted on my social media so check me out on IG (@amoreluxe_) or on Facebook (Angela Cherai) if you want to share your thoughts on the particular topic;) I hope you have a great week and always make sure to love and live luxuriously!