My List of “Non-Negotiables”

Good Morning! At this point in my life, I am the epitome of a “work in progress” and one of the things I’m working on is being more consistent. I am frustrated with myself for not posting as consistently as I would like but it is something I continue to work on by brainstorming and not being afraid to ask others for advice. With that being said, the topic of this post came from my therapist who suggested I share some of the things that I’ve discussed with her during our sessions. I have discussed my past relationship with her in great detail (and with you guys as well!) and focusing on the areas where I settled and compromised when it went against everything I wanted and stood for. She suggested that I create a list of “non-negotiables”, basically a list of things I am not willing to compromise on in a future partner. My list is kinda long lol so I won’t share every non-negotiable but here are the top 3 non-negotiables that apply to my dating life which I feel that many of you can relate to as well!

My future partner will not be involved in any social media drama (or any drama for that matter!)

In my previous post, I spoke about how social media can be harmful in a relationship in my last post and although I’ve never dealt with any drama personally, I’ve seen how it can ruin relationships from viewing other people’s drama on my feed. I told myself that I would never be involved with anyone that will let the perception of social media distort their reality and I wouldn’t go back and forth publicly with anyone on social media especially if it’s regarding my personal life. Anyone who thrives off of internet drama is someone who needs to stay as far away from me as possible because I am all about maintaining positive vibes in 2018 and beyond!

My future partner is open to a committed relationship that will lead to marriage

Now this was something that I knew I wanted but was afraid to admit because I didn’t want it to seem like I was being forceful or asking for too much but my therapist made me realize that wanting more out of a relationship and being upfront about it is the mature thing to do. I realized that by settling for behaviors like not making plans in advance, not meeting family or friends and not talking about the future did not demonstrate that I wanted a committed relationship and when I would mention these things in my last relationship, it was either brushed off or excuses were made which showed that he did not want the same things I did. I told myself that in my next relationship, I would be clear about what I wanted and if my needs could not be met, then there would be no need for us to go any further! Being honest with your partner is important but being honest with yourself should be your number one priority!

My future partner is willing to be completely honest, transparent and open

Now this one is the most important to me because I dealt with someone who was vague, indirect and secretive when it came to talking about himself. I understand that some people have trust issues and aren’t going to open up right away and that is fine but when you are involved with someone for a several years and you feel like you really don’t know the essence of who they are, then you have a problem. Knowing the basics is a given but if a real connection is to happen, I feel like certain truths have to be shared that may be uncomfortable to talk about or may leave you feeling vulnerable. If your partner is holding back things from you or you feel that you have to be “Inspector Gadget” to find out what’s going on with him/her, chances are they aren’t ready for that next level and you have to respond accordingly…in other words: MOVE ON!

The most important thing I’ve learned from creating my non-negotiables list is that the qualities, traits and behaviors I want from my future partner will be shown in time and when someone shows you who they are, you have to believe them and take their actions at face value. My non-negotiables list has helped me to be completely honest with myself and what I want and is a guideline for the things I should look for in my next relationship. Everyone’s list will be different but regardless of what is included, always stay true to yourself and what you want from your partner. Most importantly, you have to be able to also be able to possess those same qualities and traits that you are requiring from your partner. It is so easy to stay complacent in a relationship or situation that isn’t going anywhere but being firm on your standards and not settling will be much more rewarding in the end. Until then, I’m just focusing on “AmoreLuxe.com (Of course!) Amore Luxe Media, and improving my mental, physical and emotional well-being. I will continue to keep you updated ūüôā

What are your non-negotiables? I’m curious especially since I can always add to my list! Feel free to share them in the comments section below. Until my next post, always remember to love and live luxuriously!

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Is Social Media Helpful or Harmful When It Comes To Dating?

Good Morning! I know I said I was going to post on Monday but I have had the hardest time trying to think of things to write. Same ish different day basically but I was talking to my therapist about needing things to talk about and she suggested that I discuss how social media has affected dating in modern times. As a social media marketer, I know how important social media is as far as promoting businesses and services as well as staying connected to family and friends that you may not get to see often. As far as dating goes though, I never thought about the effect it may have on relationships especially since the last guy I was seeing didn’t have any social media pages (or so he says lol) so that was never an issue for me. I started thinking about the pros and cons of social media as it relates to dating and while social media has been beneficial in building friendships and professional relationships, I think it has done more harm than good on the dating front. ¬†I’ve seen my fair share of drama on social media and sad to say, the majority of the drama was relationship related.

One of the reasons why I think social media has been a hinderance on dating is because you lose a lot of the excitement of getting to know someone without checking their Instagram or Facebook page to get a feel of who they are. I feel that social media isn’t a true reflection of a person but instead, a calculated and curated image of how he or she wants to be perceived. Perception doesn’t always equal reality so instead of trying to decipher what certain quotes mean or falling in lust over a heavily filtered image, step away from your computer or phone and allow yourself to get to know someone without any preconceived notions based on their profiles.

Another problem with dating while on social media is that many people use likes, comments and statuses as validation.¬†If a guy/girl doesn’t change their relationship status publicly or post pics on social media of them being in a relationship, suddenly there’s an issue because the other person is looking for social media acceptance and/or approval. Your relationship isn’t “real” unless everyone knows about it. Facebook/Instagram/Twitter should not be the deciding factor on whether your love is real or feelings are mutual. Now I’m not saying that it’s okay for your significant other to intentionally not post pics or follow you because he/she doesn’t want anyone to know that they are involved but it should be a natural progression and based on the person’s comfort level. There are people who aren’t into posting their daily lives on social media because it is outside their comfort zone and that should be respected. Navigating the social media space can be tricky but how a relationship should be shared should be decided between two people not the world-wide web.

The biggest issue I have with social media and dating is the disconnect that comes when people become dependent on social media interactions instead of face to face connections. Personally, I don’t want Facebook messages or dms on Instagram to become a main form of communication when getting to know someone. If you are interested in me, show it by asking me for my number and talking to me on the phone so we can set up a real date. Liking my pics or commenting with heart emojis don’t mean as much as sending flowers and notes. It’s the thought and effort that counts and social media interactions require little thought and effort but actions speak volumes. Even if the connection may start online, the face to face interactions are what will build and strengthen the connection that will hopefully last beyond the confines of cyberspace.

I don’t know of any instances where relationships built off of social media input and suggestions have stood the test of time but I could be wrong. I just don’t think that creating a potential reality show or melodrama for your social media followers is the way to longevity in a relationship. There should be balance and everyone including myself( in my next relationship!) have to find that social media/real-life balance that works for them and their relationship. Have you had social media drama that came at the expense¬†of your relationship? Let me know in the comments below (yup I’m nosy lol). I’ll be back on Friday with another dating related post so stay tuned! As always, remember to love and live luxuriously!

 

 

 

Tips On How To Motivate Yourself

Good Morning! I know it’s been a little over a week since my last post and I’ve tried to balance my online duties with real¬†life ones and feeling overwhelmed as a result. Since I had a habit of going MIA on here, I didn’t want to fall back into those bad habits where I start feeling uninspired or frustrated and do a disappearing act. I knew I had to recalibrate before I could be useful so that’s exactly what I did! I’m in a better mental space now and wanted to share the three tips that gave me motivation and helped me push past the negative energy that attempted to hold me back.

Listening To Music

I love listening to music. It always puts me in a better mood and depending on the song, I feel like I can conquer the world. Songs like Beyonc√©’s “Formation”, Drake’s “Nice For What” and Ciara’s “Level Up” ¬†are girl power anthems but they are also the songs I dance to when I am all alone using the mirror as my own personal audience (don’t judge me!) The songs don’t have to have empowering lyrics but if the beat goes hard and makes me feel good, that’s motivation in itself! Music has a huge effect on mood so I tend to stay away from the sad songs (in other words, no Adele or Keyshia Cole songs unless I’m purposely trying to put myself in a funk lol) and I think that it has had a great impact on getting me pumped and ready to start the day.

Repeating Positive Affirmations

Now I know that repeating phrases like “I am worthy”, “I am beautiful”, “I can do anything I put my mind to” sounds very corny and ineffective but I can honestly say that if you say something over and over, you really do start to believe it. I guess that’s why pathological liars can be so convincing! In this case, I feel like it’s best to “fake it until you make it”. In other words, say phrases like this until you actually start to believe them. You can google “Positive Affirmations” or come up with your own if there is something in particular that you want to have embedded in your psyche. There are days that I may not feel like I am doing my very best but a positive affirmation is a great pick me up and helps me feel optimistic about my future.

Limiting/Eliminating Toxic Relationships

This is the most important tip because negative energy can be transmitted from one person to another and when it spreads, it’s hard to get rid of. Think of it as an annoying cold that won’t go away but instead of it being damaging to your physical well-being, it’s damaging your mental and emotional well-being. I’ve mentioned in multiple posts that being in a toxic relationship had a harmful effect on my self-esteem but the relationships that can be the most toxic aren’t always with the ¬†person you are dating. If you have toxic friends, family, coworkers, do you best to limit your interactions with them and if you can cut them out of your life, get to snipping! Once you are free from their negative energy, your spirit will feel so much lighter and focus on what you need to do to get to where you want to be.

These tips are the ones that have had the biggest influence on my motivation but there are plenty more that I’ll address in future posts. I would love to read yours as well so let ¬†me know what motivates you in the comments section below.

The “Amore Luxe Media” Summer Promo Specials¬†are still happening so you have until September 21st (the first day of Autumn) to take advantage of them! Specials include a free blog/website/social media page consultation, 25% off writing services and 15% off a basic marketing plan. Email me at angelacherai@gmail.com for more info. Make sure you come back on Thursday for my next post but until then, remember to¬†love and live luxuriously!

#FearlessFriday: Learning How To Take (Constructive) Criticism

Image result for constructive criticism quotesGood Morning Lovelies! Back in 2016, I planned on doing a #FearlessFriday post every Friday where I would share something that I was fearful of or that held me back from reaching my full potential. It could be something as extreme as conquering my fear of riding on airplanes without having a mini panic attack before takeoff or something as minor as going outside of my comfort zone and trying something new like online dating for example (check out my previous post to read more about that!). Today I wanted to discuss something that has held me back from being the best version of myself because of my own personal insecurities. The thing is, I do not take criticism well AT ALL. Like its to the point where I become defensive or embarrassed and lose the motivation and passion to do¬†what I initially set out to do. At first, I didn’t understand why I was this way towards people who were just trying to help me out. As I thought about it and went deeper into my past, I realized that criticism for me was a way of pointing out my flaws and failures which in turn meant that I wasn’t worthy of whatever it is that I desired.

It all goes back to having low self-esteem as a child and teenager and although I have grown and changed drastically since then, some of the doubts and triggers linger from those times that create doubt and wariness as an adult. Back then when I was picked on, I took it personally not realizing that kids prey on weakness and can sense it from a mile away. My insecurities were a weakness that held me back from speaking my mind and embracing everything that makes me, me quirks and all. Even though I learned that self-confidence is essential to do well in life and to gain respect from others, constructive criticism still felt like a punch in the gut and instead of using critiques like “You need to post more content that will appeal to a wider demographic.” or “Your inconsistencies with your blog come across as laziness and you need to do better” as motivation and encouragement, I looked at it from a pessimistic point of view as me not being good enough. These critiques and suggestions that came from my friends were only meant to help but instead I turned it into a ‘woe is me’ party and didn’t heed their advice. Needless to say when the light bulb finally went on in my head, a lot of time had been wasted that could have been used to create content and achieve my goals. When you know better, you do better and now that I get it, I’m going full speed ahead!

Now let me be clear, constructive criticism is totally different from being negative, petty or just a certified hater. If someone you know is being critical just because of their personal preferences, do not offer any solutions to the issue that they are being critical about or are coming from a place of negativity, anger or resentment, that is¬†NOT constructive criticism but is destructive and toxic. Limit or avoid these kinds of people because they will only bring you down in the end. Constructive criticism should be helpful and beneficial to your life and if the critique doesn’t offer a solution or valid reason for your problem or concern, you might want to take a second look at the person that is offering their unwanted opinion.

To my friends, thanks for always providing me with love and support but most importantly, being truthful with me about things that I needed to improve. The truth can hurt but the constructive criticism has made me stronger and more determined than ever and for that, I am forever grateful ūüėė

 

I will be posting a book review from one of my favorite bloggers/motivational speakers on Monday so stay tuned for that! Have a great weekend and remember to love and live luxuriously!