Motivation Monday: The Importance of Self-Awareness

Happy Monday everyone! I actually stopped working on an assignment for one of my client’s to write this post because I wanted to make sure that it was up first thing this morning! I have been doing a lot of self-reflection (as I hope has been seen in my previous posts) and what I realized is that I am slowly but surely getting my life to a point where I am happy, secure and fulfilled as it relates to my relationships both personal and professional, my mental and physical well-being and working on being financially secure. It is definitely a process but I wanted to share how self-awareness was the catalyst that reignited my passion and helped me move forward.

I realized that I have to be my own biggest fan (check out my  post to read more about that journey here) and focusing on being positive and motivating myself to live up to my potential meant that I had to remove toxic energy out of my life whether it came from my own self-doubts and insecurities or from any negative energy around me. My friends and family have been supportive of my goals and have always encouraged me to be the best version of myself and that’s why they are so dope! I haven’t been in a toxic relationship/situationship in over a year and while I am open to dating, I realized that I will never settle again. Looking back on how I allowed men to treat me in the past was a direct reflection of how little I valued myself and after the last situation ended, I promised myself that I would NEVER allow anyone in my life that doesn’t know my worth.  I am still working on the diet aspect so you won’t see any fitness/health posts until I get it together in that area but I’m reaching a point where I can’t just eat anything I want and not gain weight as seen in my post “Thick Girl Blues( Spanx Not Included)” so I am trying to be more conscious of what enters my body. As far as getting how self-awareness has benefitted me from a financial standpoint, I started thinking about  what skills I possess that will help me earn more income. In addition to the social media management, I started focusing more on obtaining clients for the writing composition services part of “Amore Luxe Media” and I have a few consistent clients that have been helpful to earning extra income. I also started working at the daycare again but only on the administrative side of the business and I get to make my own hours which I’ve realized has given me freedom and not let me feel restricted or trapped in a position that doesn’t suit my needs or help me reach  my goals. By having multiple streams of income, I am able to save more so I can create a nest egg that I can use towards getting my own place, a car or investing in my business which wasn’t possible when I was making excuses instead of moves.  I’ve realized that being self-aware is very important because for so long, I was feeling sorry for myself and where I was in life and wanted to make excuses and blame everyone but once I became self-aware, I was able to take responsibility for the choices I’ve made (or didn’t make) that made an impact on where I was in my life at that point.  I’m not where I want to be but I am a lot better than where I used to be and I am so proud of myself for getting this far!

What steps have you taken in order to be more self-aware? Sometimes it can be as simple as writing down your goals and what you need to change internally and externally in order to accomplish those goals. I’d love to read your thoughts so be sure to comment below or hit me up on social media at @amoreluxe_ on Instagram or @Angela Cherai on Facebook. New post coming Wednesday! I hope everyone has an amazing week and makes sure that they love and live luxuriously!

 

Toxic Relationship Types

Good Morning! I’ve realized that a lot of the inspiration behind many of my recent posts have come from something I’ve witnessed in person or online and today’s topic is no different. One of my FB friends shared a post that highlighted the 7 different types of toxic men in relationships. You have the good guy, the player, the inconsistent guy, the no initiative guy, the insecure guy, the emotionally draining guy and the Netflix and chill guy. I was laughing so hard to myself because I have definitely dated a few of these types of men which I will get into later but right after I shared the post on my page and saw some of the comments to it, they made one for 7 (actually 6) different types of toxic women including the curve queen, the heartless girl. the pick me, the user, the head over heels girl and the insecure girl. I’m not sure if it was because its more difficult to be objective when thinking about yourself or because I didn’t see myself as a “toxic” type but after rereading and being completely honest with myself, I saw that I was a mixture of two types and because of that, I may be part of the reason why I haven’t had success in past relationships.

As far as the types of toxic men I’m attracted to, I usually attract the inconsistent man because I’m pretty chill at the beginning and when the guy seems to show some interest, I start falling for him and it seems that at that exact moment that I catch feelings, he decides to fall back. It happened with the last guy I was seeing and it’s happened in the past with guys I was into. It has been so frustrating and I initially wondered what exactly was it that I was doing wrong and it took me a minute but I was able to figure out what my issue was. Somewhere in my subconscious, I am attracted to men that are afraid to comment. When I start having feelings for a man and he falls back a bit, instead of taking the hint and falling back after realizing that he wasn’t really as interested as I initially assumed or we weren’t on the same page as far as what we wanted from each other, I would see his nonchalant ways as a challenge of sorts and try to persuade him to want what I wanted. When that didn’t work, eventually I would fall back and then the guy would appear to show real interest once again and the vicious cycle continued. A lot of this stemmed from my own insecurities but also because of my pickiness which has led to toxic patterns and  behaviors that I exhibit in relationships that led me to the inconsistent men in my life.

I realized that I am a mix of the curve queen and the head over heels girl depending on who approaches me. If I am not really into a guy, I can be the curve queen because I’ll suggest meeting up but never actually put the effort into making plans lol. I also make excuses because I don’t want to hurt the person’s feelings even though I am not interested at all in talking or hanging out with them. On the other hand, when I am into someone, I am the head over heels girl because when I am into someone, I give them my all. I ignore red flags (as you can see from me being attached to the inconsistent guy lol) and I love the idea of love but haven’t always been patient enough or loved myself enough to not settle out of fear of failing and the fear of loneliness. After the last situation went sour, I decided that I have to be completely honest with myself, by myself and work on my mental, spiritual and physical (well I’m not quite there yet with the physical lol) in order to eliminate the toxic habits within myself that attract the toxic temporary men that may try to enter my life. They may have been able to come through before but now they will get denied at the first sign of flakiness and wishy washy behavior!

Which type(s) do you attract and which type(s) do you fall under? Let me know in the comments. I know its difficult to see your behaviors as toxic but you will learn a lot about yourself when you are completely honest with yourself. New post coming Friday. Until then, remember to love and live luxuriously!

Fearless Friday: My Blind Dating Experience

Good Morning! I had another idea for a post that I plan on discussing in the future but as soon as I saw the video of a project I was involved in on YouTube, everything changed! Last summer, I decided to step outside of my comfort zone (see what I did there!) and go out on a blind date. Simone and her co-producers created a dating docuseries called “Date to Date” and interviewed a group of people (including myself) in their 20’s and 30’s in the NYC area and asked about our dating preferences. After recording the information, they matched us up with people who they felt fit the desired traits that we mentioned previously and set up 2 dates with the chosen person in hopes that we would get to know each other a bit better and possibly connect on a deeper level. And they would be there to capture it all on film! I was matched with a really sweet guy named Wesley. Our first date consisted of us talking and creating our own salads. Simple enough right! We discussed our dream vacation spots, qualities we like in the opposite sex and a bit about our past relationships. You can view highlights from our date by watching the episode below (I have it cued to where my part starts bur I encourage you to watch the entire episode because its really good!)

 

I know you guys want to know what happened after our date and if I made a love connection. If you know me personally, you already know the deal but if you don’t you can check out today’s posts on my IG (@amoreluxe_) and FB (Angela Cherai) to find out the answer;) Special thanks to Simone, Essence and Malcolm of For Art’s Sake 125 for this interesting experience! New post coming Monday so be on the lookout for that! Until then, have an amazing weekend and be sure to love and live luxuriously.

My List of “Non-Negotiables”

Good Morning! At this point in my life, I am the epitome of a “work in progress” and one of the things I’m working on is being more consistent. I am frustrated with myself for not posting as consistently as I would like but it is something I continue to work on by brainstorming and not being afraid to ask others for advice. With that being said, the topic of this post came from my therapist who suggested I share some of the things that I’ve discussed with her during our sessions. I have discussed my past relationship with her in great detail (and with you guys as well!) and focusing on the areas where I settled and compromised when it went against everything I wanted and stood for. She suggested that I create a list of “non-negotiables”, basically a list of things I am not willing to compromise on in a future partner. My list is kinda long lol so I won’t share every non-negotiable but here are the top 3 non-negotiables that apply to my dating life which I feel that many of you can relate to as well!

My future partner will not be involved in any social media drama (or any drama for that matter!)

In my previous post, I spoke about how social media can be harmful in a relationship in my last post and although I’ve never dealt with any drama personally, I’ve seen how it can ruin relationships from viewing other people’s drama on my feed. I told myself that I would never be involved with anyone that will let the perception of social media distort their reality and I wouldn’t go back and forth publicly with anyone on social media especially if it’s regarding my personal life. Anyone who thrives off of internet drama is someone who needs to stay as far away from me as possible because I am all about maintaining positive vibes in 2018 and beyond!

My future partner is open to a committed relationship that will lead to marriage

Now this was something that I knew I wanted but was afraid to admit because I didn’t want it to seem like I was being forceful or asking for too much but my therapist made me realize that wanting more out of a relationship and being upfront about it is the mature thing to do. I realized that by settling for behaviors like not making plans in advance, not meeting family or friends and not talking about the future did not demonstrate that I wanted a committed relationship and when I would mention these things in my last relationship, it was either brushed off or excuses were made which showed that he did not want the same things I did. I told myself that in my next relationship, I would be clear about what I wanted and if my needs could not be met, then there would be no need for us to go any further! Being honest with your partner is important but being honest with yourself should be your number one priority!

My future partner is willing to be completely honest, transparent and open

Now this one is the most important to me because I dealt with someone who was vague, indirect and secretive when it came to talking about himself. I understand that some people have trust issues and aren’t going to open up right away and that is fine but when you are involved with someone for a several years and you feel like you really don’t know the essence of who they are, then you have a problem. Knowing the basics is a given but if a real connection is to happen, I feel like certain truths have to be shared that may be uncomfortable to talk about or may leave you feeling vulnerable. If your partner is holding back things from you or you feel that you have to be “Inspector Gadget” to find out what’s going on with him/her, chances are they aren’t ready for that next level and you have to respond accordingly…in other words: MOVE ON!

The most important thing I’ve learned from creating my non-negotiables list is that the qualities, traits and behaviors I want from my future partner will be shown in time and when someone shows you who they are, you have to believe them and take their actions at face value. My non-negotiables list has helped me to be completely honest with myself and what I want and is a guideline for the things I should look for in my next relationship. Everyone’s list will be different but regardless of what is included, always stay true to yourself and what you want from your partner. Most importantly, you have to be able to also be able to possess those same qualities and traits that you are requiring from your partner. It is so easy to stay complacent in a relationship or situation that isn’t going anywhere but being firm on your standards and not settling will be much more rewarding in the end. Until then, I’m just focusing on “AmoreLuxe.com (Of course!) Amore Luxe Media, and improving my mental, physical and emotional well-being. I will continue to keep you updated 🙂

What are your non-negotiables? I’m curious especially since I can always add to my list! Feel free to share them in the comments section below. Until my next post, always remember to love and live luxuriously!