Forgiveness

img_0318Good Afternoon! Writing 3x a week has been a difficult task for me to say the least! It’s not that I don’t have ideas but I don’t ever want my posts to come across as insincere or contrived. My goal is to always be genuine, honest and direct while writing and I hope that everyone that reads my posts can gain something from it whether its clarity on a specific situation or a sense of relief because they know that they are not alone. I had an idea for a post that I started to write yesterday but then someone from the not so distant past contacted me out of nowhere and inspired me to switch things up in hopes that my story could help/inspire all of you.

The guy that contacted me out of the blue taught me a very valuable lesson.  “MIA” (you will understand the reason for the nickname in a moment) was someone I was introduced to via an online dating site. I was very weary  of joining one but was having bad luck dating people I met by chance so I decided to go a different route. When MIA and I started messaging each other, he seemed too good to be true. He appeared to be honest, forthcoming and genuine, something that was lacking from my earlier situations. Unfortunately, he left as quickly as he came and went missing in action one day (hence the nickname MIA) without warning. I never had anyone go ghost on me and it was not only disappointing but frustrating because you can’t voice your anger/irritation/sadness to someone who isn’t there. It is hard to find closure on a situation that ended out of nowhere with no reasons why it happened. This had never happened to me before so I wasn’t sure of how to deal with it. I was understandably angry but holding that anger in is the same as drinking poison and expecting the other person to suffer. Over time, the anger slowly subsided but I still hadn’t found the closure I craved. I couldn’t figure out why until one day I realized that in order for me to find closure, I had to let go of what happened between us in the past and learn to forgive him, not for him but for my peace of mind and well-being.

Forgiveness is easier said than done but I knew that I was capable of it once I stopped trying to figure out his reasons or motives. Instead, I started directing my energy on working on the things that I could control in my life and learning how to follow my intuition . I really didn’t expect to hear from him so when he messaged me yesterday, surprise was an understatement. Normally if I’m still harboring feelings of anger and resentment towards someone, having the person contact me in any way gets me riled up and ruins my mood for the day. When I saw that MIA had messaged me however, after the initial shock wore off ,I didn’t really feel anything at all. I wasn’t upset with him anymore because his actions were a reflection of the kind of person he was and had nothing to do with me. He apologized profusely and although I thought it was a nice gesture, it wasn’t needed because I had already forgiven him months ago and no longer needed closure in the form of an apology or explanation from him. There is a saying that goes, “Always forgive, but never forget, Learn from your mistakes but never regret.” Even though I’ve forgiven MIA, I won’t forget the hurt he caused and I don’t think that we could ever get back to the way things were before. I don’t regret meeting him though because that experience taught me a lot about myself. It made me look at all the choices I have made with men and made me realize that I need to work on becoming the best version of myself instead of seeking validation from someone else. I am single for the first time in a long time but I no longer feel the need to find love because as corny as it may sound, I am learning to love myself and let go of anyone or anything that isn’t worthy of my love and attention. Every lesson is a blessing!

Life is unpredictable so while I like to know what I am going to write beforehand, I don’t know what the future holds so make sure you come back on Monday to see what comes to mind! Also be sure to like/comment/share if you enjoyed this post:) Have a great weekend!

 

Always remember to love and live luxuriously!

 

 

Day 3: Something I need to forgive myself for

Hey everyone! I didn’t forget to do Day 2 of the 30 days of truth because it is very easy for me to be truthful about what I love about forgivemyself. I love that I am driven, passionate and when I set my mind to getting what I want, I give my all. This site is the perfect example of that. It started out as a way to vent but myself and others saw that it could be something greater and 3 years later, I have gotten to meet so many people and interview celebrities and I am not even 30 yet! I am so blessed and thankful for never limiting myself to others’ expectations but to grow and evolve, I need to be honest with myself and let some things in the past go. I had a crazy dream last night about someone from my past and I felt that this would be the perfect story to share and hopefully in sharing it, I could let the situation go and forgive myself in the process.

 

There was this guy in high school that i had a massive crush on. He seemed to like me but not as strongly as I felt for him but unlike experiences with guys in the past, he always complimented me and encouraged me to believe in myself.  A few years later when my ex and I were going through problems, I met up with my former crush when he was doing business in Atlanta and one thing led to another and we slept together. After that, everything changed. We would run into each other at various events through a mutual acquaintance and the guy that I once thought had my back ended up talking about me behind my back. He had this image of me based off of past experiences with this mutual acquaintance as well as the perception that many people saw but I thought he was able to see past those things for the person I really was. I ended up feeling like an idiot and although we hashed things out and made peace, there is something in the back of my mind that makes me feel like I have to prove myself to others to show that I am not the naive, insecure little girl I used to be. Although this guy didn’t have anything to do with my insecurities, thinking about how things ended between us opens up old wounds and after the dream I had with him last night (which felt like high school all over again) I realized that I wasn’t as over the situation as I previously believed. My former crush is a representation of me looking for acceptance and approval in others and when I don’t receive it, I start thinking less of myself.  I have to forgive myself for the things that I allowed to happen in the past to grow and move on. Most importantly, I can’t let him or anyone else make me feel inferior. I haven’t seen my former crush in years but if ever we meet again, I will make sure to be unapologetic in my thoughts and actions by being true to myself and if it isn’t seen as “acceptable” to him or anyone else, they all can kick rocks! (that’s the PG version of what I really want to say :p)

Let me know what you think of the questions for the 30 days of truth exercise so far! As always, hit me up on here or on Twitter (@angielala) or Facebook (The Angielala Experience). Talk to you soon!

love.laugh.live.life