Do Better

71-2Good Afternoon everyone! I hope everyone enjoyed their weekend. I really didn’t do much besides watch tv and surf the internet and lurked a bit on social media. In fact, a Facebook conversation I had with my ex inspired me to write this post. It wasn’t drama filled really but I had an epiphany moment that I wanted to share with you all in hopes that you can gain just as much insight as I did.

Here is a bit of our back story before I get into last night’s Facebook conversation: My ex who shall remain nameless was my first everything: first love, first person I was intimate with and the first person who broke me down before he broke my heart. I was 19 when we met and was an insecure college student with no direction or purpose. I was living in Atlanta with my then friend from college and I wanted something new and exciting to happen to me like I saw on tv and in the movies. As I was leaving Wal-Mart on Labor Day in 2005, I saw this guy who was just too cute for words. He had the trendy attire on for that time (oversized white tee and baggy shorts), strategically placed tats on his arms and a fitted that completed the look. This insanely cute guy was right there in the middle of Wal-Mart’s parking lot and he was giving me the same lustful look that I was giving him. “How could this be?” I’m thinking to myself. I’m still skinny with braces and although I ditched the glasses for contacts by this time, I am still just as awkward as I was in high school so he couldn’t be remotely interested in me but indeed he was. We exchanged numbers and that was the beginning of a very stressful, emotionally volatile relationship. He knew about my insecurities because I was open and honest about my past and how I felt about myself. He used my weaknesses to manipulate me and would threaten to break up with me over petty things that he didn’t like. This happened for about 9 months and then when tragedy struck in my life right before my 20th birthday, he was cold and distant and it was then that I knew that I couldn’t be with him anymore. I had already had a lot of drama in my life from having to move 3 times to being low on funds in a place where I had almost no family and the one person I depended on, the one person who meant so much to me was emotionally (and physically) MIA. That’s when I knew that this wasn’t the man I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with. As much as I loved him, I had to love myself more.

Surprisingly, we kept in touch over the years. I would see him from time to time when I would go back to Atlanta and he visited me a few times up in Jersey but I never let myself get emotionally attached like I had previously. He apologized for the way he treated me when we were together but his actions and attitude hadn’t changed. My biggest fear was getting sucked back in to the drama and messiness that existed 10 years ago so I attempted to have boundaries in place so I wouldn’t make the same mistakes. I still wanted to stay cool with him (big mistake) so I’d entertain conversations but last night’s conversation was the nail in the coffin that really cemented the ending of any relationship that ever existed between us.

For the past year, I have been adamant about not settling for any type of non-committed relationship. In other words, I am not trying to have a friend with benefits, f*ck buddy, or be involved in a “situationship”. The next relationship I will enter will be a monogamous and committed one and we will both be on the same page as it relates to what we want from each other. Until that happens, I’ve vowed to be celibate. When I tried to explain this to my ex, he accused me of being “stuck up” and acting like I was better than him. In the past, I was guilty of fooling around with him when I wasn’t involved with anyone but once I told him that this was no longer an option, he became irate. The angry and manipulative person that I was used to seeing showed up once again and instead of continuing to explain myself to someone who never added anything positive to my life, I decided to end the conversation and wished him well. I’ve realized that to be a better person, you have to do better for yourself. Engaging in a war of words with him was not only pointless but brought me down to his level. Actions speak louder than words so instead of talking about what I want and what I will and will not tolerate, I will let my actions speak for themselves. I have nothing to prove to him or anyone else so my goal is to no longer invest time or energy into people or things that won’t benefit me physically, mentally or spiritually in the long run. Even though things between my ex and I didn’t work out, he taught me a lot about myself and helped me to see that a shared past and mutual attraction are not enough to build and sustain a meaningful and beneficial relationship. Every lesson is a blessing and I’ve learned a lot from my ex and now know that I need to let the past stay in the past.

Have you ever been in a similar situation with an ex? How did you handle it? Let me know in the comments section below! Also, be sure to like and share this post if you enjoyed reading! Check back on Wednesday for my next post 🙂

 

Until then, always remember to love and live luxuriously!

 

 

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Getting My Body (and mind) Right!

fitpic

Happy Labor Day everyone! While most of us are off from work/school and enjoying the day out at barbeques, parades and festivals, I’ll be at home focused on eating right and exercising. Why you ask? I chose today to start off my new fitness routine which includes eating things like egg whites, almond butter and oatmeal (not the kind with all the sugar in the instant packets but the plain oats lol) and doing an at home workout plan that consists of crunches, sit ups and squats. I am not really big on cookout food so I don’t miss not eating burgers and hot dogs but pasta and white bread are my weaknesses so I am going to miss my baked ziti and buttered rolls for dinner once a week lol. I decided that even though most of the foods I like taste really good, they aren’t good for you. Last summer, I was having really bad stomach issues. I was bloated, constipated and in pain for most of July 2014 and taking laxatives didn’t help much. Things eventually went back to normal but I didn’t understand why I felt so terrible. I ended up telling the doctor about my past issues at my last checkup and she told me that it was because of my diet. The bread and cheese weren’t digesting properly and I wasn’t drinking enough water to cleanse my system out so I became backed up. She suggested that I incorporate more fruits and veggies in my diet and eat pasta and bread in moderation. I knew she was right but I wasn’t sure where to start. Then I saw a pic of my friend on Instagram that changed everything for me.

My childhood friend Nedeline and I  lost touch after she moved away in 3rd grade. Fast forward to about 20 years later through the magic of Facebook, we were able to reconnect. The little girl I remembered had changed drastically. While my friend was always thin, she wasn’t the fit and fabulous woman who I see today. I couldn’t believe that she was in such amazing shape. She looked like one of those women that I see on commercials for workout dvds. I was blown away and I wanted to know exactly how she did it. It turns out that she is a “fitness entrepreneur” who has her own company called “Hardgirlz”.  She’s entered fitness competitions and through “Hardgirlz”,  helps people with their own fitness journeys. I started making a lot of changes in my life that were good for the mind and soul but along the way, I stopped focusing so much on my body. Seeing a pic of her on my Instagram feed was a sign that I needed to make a major change that would not only help me to become a healthier and more active person but would allow me to take back the control that I let food have over me. My family has a history of heart disease and for me to have a better chance at a longer life, I need to improve my eating and exercise habits now while I am still young so my body will thank me later. With Nedeline’s help, I feel that I will be very successful in maintaining this new lifestyle. I will be updating you all on my journey so you will see pics and all of that as the weeks progress so stay tuned!

Follow Hardgirlz on Instagram (@_hardgirlz) for inspiring pics and how to start your own fitness journey!

 

Always remember to love and live luxuriously!