Photograph

Pic of me and my brother on his 7th birthday:)

Good Afternoon! Yesterday after posting my last blog entry, I was worried that if I didn’t post regularly, I would become inconsistent once again and start to fall off which has been my biggest concern as it relates to “Amore Luxe”. I had a few ideas swimming around in my head but nothing stuck out to me until I really sat down and gave myself a pep talk. Now I didn’t say these things aloud (although I’m known to talk to myself from time to time lol) but I told myself that I need to stick to writing what I know instead of trying to put on a positive front or write what I think people expect from me. Once I told myself that, I instantly knew what I wanted to write about. Pictures or as I like to call them. photographs.

I’m fascinated by photographs, old ones in particular. When I was younger,  I would go to my grandparents house and spend hours looking at old photographs of my grandparents, my dad and my uncles when they were young and even pics of myself when I was younger with my brother and cousins. These pictures gave me so much joy because it took me back to those moments in time. Even though I wasn’t around when my dad was a child (obviously!) looking at the pictures that went along with the stories that my grandma shared warmed me up inside. My grandpa would take pics with his Polaroid  camera and that was exciting because not many people had them at that time. I would wait a few minutes (which felt like eternity) and could see my image and reflected in that photo and add it to the pile of pics that I could look at every time I went to my grandparents house. I also remember my mom taking pics of me when I was younger. She had this slim pink camera that she would buy film for and take random pics of me around the house or at special events like Kindergarten graduation. I loved taking pics and although I had to wait a few days to see what they looked like, (remember those days!) I was anxious and excited because my mom was able to freeze moments in time. Moments that I cherished. Moments that I could never get back.

As time passed, my mom didn’t really care about taking pictures anymore. My grandpa stopped taking pics with his Polaroid camera and I didn’t care to look at the old pictures as often as before. I guess the present moments became a priority and looking at the past became redundant and pointless. When I lost my grandfather 4 years ago and my father 2 years after that, I craved to look at those pictures again but my grandma was in Florida and had all the pictures with her. I wanted her to e-mail them but that takes time and she didn’t know how to scan pictures to the computer and honestly, it just wasn’t the same. I needed her to be here to tell me the stories that lied behind the black and white photographs because the stories are what made the photographs special to me. Fortunately for me, she moved back to Jersey in September and I got a chance to visit her and look at all the photographs that I spent hours looking at during my childhood and even some that I had never seen before like her wedding pics. Needless to say, I was on cloud nine and looking back at these photographs made me somewhat sad because some of the people who were in them are no longer around but happy as well because without them, I wouldn’t be here to have my own photographs that will add to the story of my life. Take the time to enjoy each moment and capture it when you can. Don’t do it to stunt for social media or solely because it’s what’s expected of you but because your children and grandchildren may look at those photographs years from now and you can share your own unique story about what that moment in time meant to you. That’s what I’m going to try to do from now on! And maybe the occasional selfie or two:p

 

Next post will be up on Friday so stay tuned!

 

Until then, always remember to love and live luxuriously!

 

 

 

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Disconnect

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“So how come when I reach out my fingers, it seems like more than distance between us?”

Good Afternoon! I’ve tried to think of something to write about all weekend but nothing came to mind. So I gave up and decided to watch “Luke Cage” on Netflix at the suggestion of one of my friends Saturday night. I’m not a comic book fan so I didn’t think I would be able to get into the show but Saturday night turned into Sunday morning and then after sleeping and running errands, I finished the season Sunday evening. I really love the idea of a black superhero wearing a hoodie in the Black Mecca that is Harlem. The premise alone had me hooked but there was one conversation Luke had with his friend/potential love interest that sealed the deal. Luke was talking about a woman that he loved but ended up betraying him and was reminiscing on all that they went through. Here’s how part of the conversation went:

Luke: You ever hold someone in your arms.Hear them breathing against your chest. And you’re in one emotional place and they’re in another and you have absolutely no idea what they’re thinking?

Claire:  It’s called having a boyfriend.

I had to stop and rewind that scene because those lines hit home for me. Even though Claire was being funny, she was on point as it relates to trying to understand your significant other. I know what it feels like to feel like the person that you are with really isn’t in tune to how you are feeling. Your feelings for this person are so strong and you are in this moment with them and you are physically close because of your embrace but mentally, the two of you couldn’t be further apart. There is a disconnect and you lie there wondering how did you guys get to this point and is there any coming back from it.

There were many instances where I felt this way with the last guy I was seeing. My feelings ran deep and it just felt like no matter what I said or did, it wasn’t resonating with him the way everything he did resonated with me. It was like looking at a blank canvas sometimes because I couldn’t tell if we were on the same page or if he felt anything real for me at all. It was frustrating being with someone who didn’t seem to care one way or the other about my feelings because instead of seeing the love and pain that lied deep within myself reflected in his eyes, I saw nothing. Over time, I became fed up and started to mimic his behavior and that included disconnecting from him. Less intimate touches and embraces but more importantly, I no longer tried to understand what was going on inside of his head and didn’t care what he thought about my lack of emotion. Talking soon ceased and I stopped initiating contact with him.  The physical disconnect finally reflected the mental disconnect that had lingered between us for as long as I could remember. Even though it took a minute to realize that this wasn’t healthy, it taught me a lot about myself. Some of us tend to keep pushing and trying to figure their partner out but when someone has checked out of the relationship, there is nothing you can do. You end up become a watered down version of yourself putting more time and effort into a situation and the actions are not being reciprocated. It took a series of disappointments and withdrawal from both sides to realize that we were stagnant and it was best to leave before I ended up becoming “disconnected” permanently.  Every lesson is a blessing and this experience taught me that sharing a real connection with your significant other is essential for the relationship to grow and thrive. Disconnection leads to disappointment so make sure you address those behaviors before it’s too late. Now that I know better, I’ll do better in my next relationship. Hopefully it will be the last! fingers crossed

 

Let me know what you think by liking/commenting/sharing! I’m trying to post at least 3x a week so stay tuned for my next post coming tomorrow. Much love to you all!

 

Always remember to love and live luxuriously!

My last post of 2015!

Hey everyone! I’m making this last post of 2015 short and sweet. I have had a lot of ups and downs this year but I am happy to say that I’m ending the year on a positive note.  I passed my road test the second time around last Tuesday and just got my license this past Saturday! Also, I have a new part-time morning job in addition to my current part-time job so you know what that means: Mo Money, Mo Money, Mo Money!!!! I finally feel like things are starting to turn around and I can’t wait to see what the new year brings.

With that being said, this will be my last post of 2015. I just want to enjoy the holiday season and create realistic plans for the site, my career and my life. I have a few things in the works for 2016 including a “New Year, New Me Makeover that I am involved with (click here for more info on the makeover: New Years Makeover )  so stay tuned!

Thank you as always for your support and Happy Holidays!

 

Always remember to love and live luxuriously! 

Wisdom Wednesday: Believe In Yourself

believeinyourselfGood Morning! It’s been almost 3 weeks since my last post and I told myself that I couldn’t keep going weeks without posting but it’s been tough. I’ve got so much on my mind and I feel like I’m being repetitive if I keep talking about the same issues over and over. I wanted to make a post when something interesting/exciting happened but my life feels like it’s been at a standstill just going through the motions instead of living life to the fullest. I knew that the only person stopping me was me but I have tried to figure out what my problem is and I’ve realized that it’s my outlook on life. If I am in a positive state of mind, I’m going to attract positive energy. The same goes for being negative. It’s difficult to think positive when it seems like nothing is going right but sometimes, that’s all you’ve got!

I’m learning that in order for me to get to where I need to be, I have to convince myself that no matter what happens, as long as I’m persistent and consistent, I will get to where I want to be. Trying to force or convince others to feel a certain way about me or what I’m trying to accomplish is pointless because it’s saying that my belief in myself isn’t strong enough to withstand criticism or judgment. When you believe in something enough, no one can tell you otherwise and before I can go after all of my goals and dreams full force, I’ve got to use that positive energy and start truly believing in myself and my gifts/abilities. Once I master that, I will be unstoppable:)

I’ve got a few things that I want to do before the end of the year and I’ll be sure to let everyone know about them when the time is right. Much love and happiness to everyone and I’ll talk to you guys soon!
Always remember to love and live luxuriously!