Being Brutally Honest With Myself

I know it’s been a minute but I had a lot of things to get off my chest so forgive me if this post is a bit all over the place but I wanted it to be read in its purest and rawest form without trying to sound perfect or profound. I’ve been MIA for a lot of reasons mainly because I was feeling uninspired/unmotivated/depressed/down on my luck, etc. I wanted to present the best version of myself and I felt that until I could do that, I was going to stay away from blogging and mainly lurk on social media with the occasional snap or ig flick. As a result, I gained social media envy and just felt like my whole life was a complete failure compared to that of my former classmates, family, friends and influencers. I knew deep down inside that you can’t take everything on social media at face value and that people usually  present the best versions of themselves but I still allowed it to control the way I felt about my life and all the losses that had occurred.  At the end of last year, I started going to therapy after my grandmother died because I was feeling lost and unsettled. My life felt like it was in shambles and I had no control over it. I was at a job that I didn’t like and I felt like I was settling and being complacent. My therapist made me realize that I had to take a leap of faith to see change so I decided the first thing that I had to let go of was the comfort and security of my job.  I left my full-time job to follow my dreams of being an entrepreneur (social media marketing maven/blogger) but those old feelings of inadequacy came creeping back in. Though I was gung-ho at the beginning of the year and initial launch of “Amore Luxe Media”, the energy and steam wore off when I didn’t receive immediate results and the cycle of feeling uninspired and unmotivated started yet again. What made it worse was that I didn’t have a good excuse to not try harder. My closest friends were making moves, taking chances and pushing themselves past their comfort zones. They were living their lives unapologetically and even though sacrifices had to be made, they knew that the result would be worth it. If you watch the hit HBO show, Insecure, I felt like I was Issa and Issa is me. She was the one in the group of her friends that was at a job that didn’t fulfill her and was watching her life spin into chaos while the ones closest to her were living their best lives. I didn’t wanna be the “Issa” of the group so I had to have a brutally honest conversation with myself to figure out what to do to not suck in life lol

 

The “Insecure” scene that changed everything .I REFUSE to be the Issa in my group of friends 😂 😂😂

I came to the conclusion that I need to set out specific goals for myself, attack them ONE at a time and be consistent and persistent. I am the type of person who expects to see instant results instead of being patient and continuing to put the work in even when I may feel like wanting to give up or feel like I am heading towards failure. Between watching Oprah and Will Smith inspirational videos, I’ve learned that failure is inevitable but it is how you handle to  that makes you a true contender in life. I was running away from my challenges in fear of failure and not attempting to give it my all is worse than any feeling that failure brings. I know that it’s a journey and it’s going to have its bumps and battles but giving up can no longer be an option. Excuses no longer cut it and while perfection is ideal, it shouldn’t be the main focus of everything that I set out to do. In order to live, I have to learn and embrace whatever is coming my way. I am strong enough to fight the battles and smart enough to know that failure or rejection isn’t the end but just another challenge I have to overcome to get what it is that I dream of. I have so much that I want to accomplish and normally I would list it all but for now, I’m keeping a few things to myself and will share them with you all as I make them happen.

  “You don’t become what you want, you become what you believe.”

     ― Oprah Winfrey

 

“Fear is not real. The only place that fear can exist is in our thoughts of the future. It is a product of our imagination, causing us to fear things that do not at present and may not ever exist. That is near insanity. Do not misunderstand me danger is very real but fear is a choice.”

― Will Smith

 

For those who have supported me since “The Angielala Experience” days, I love you and I appreciate everything from the positive feedback, constructive critiques and every like/share/comment on social media. I am still in the process on what direction I want “Amore Luxe” to go in because I feel like it’s all over the place at the moment but I know that I still want confidence to be the focus and I hope that this post and all that follow it inspire and urge my readers to take chances to make the necessary changes in life.  I know it’s tough but you can do it and I believe in you just as much as you believe in me and going forth, I promise that I will make sure to provide content that will help you be the best you. Let me know what you think about this post by liking/commenting/sharing. Much love to you all and always remember to love and live luxuriously!

 

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Insecure

Yup, that's me with the poofy hair and glasses lol
Yup, that’s me with the poofy hair and glasses :p

Hey everyone! Before I get into today’s topic, I just want to let everyone know that I will be live on Facebook a week from today on the 26th. The topic is “Eliminating Limitations” and I will be discussing how I am trying to eliminate all the limitations that have stood in my way. I want to hear your thoughts on the subject so hit me up and I will share them on air next Wednesday! Now back to today’s topic! I am OBSESSED with YouTube vlogger and now TV star Issa Rae and her new show “Insecure” If you haven’t seen it, here’s a summary of what the show is about:

Created by Issa Rae and Larry Wilmore, the comedy series Insecure explores the black female experience. Rae stars as Issa and Yvonne Orji stars as Molly. Over the course of the season, Issa attempts to figure out what she wants out of life and how to take control of it, while fumbling her way through this journey. Molly, a corporate attorney who appears to have everything together professionally, struggles inside as she looks for external ways to fix her life.

Meanwhile, Issa’s boyfriend, Lawrence (Jay Ellis), who has fallen victim to complacency, works to get his own act together. Frieda (Lisa Joyce), Issa’s overeager white co-worker, whose enthusiasm is both annoying and endearing, is at the crux of Issa’s racial frustrations at work. 

Issa Rae wrote the New York Times bestseller The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl, which was published in 2015. Her web content has garnered more than 25 million views and over 200,000 subscribers on YouTube. In addition to making the Forbes 30 Under 30 list twice and winning the 2012 Shorty Award for Best Web Show for her hit series Awkward Black Girl, she has worked on web content for Pharrell Williams, Tracey Edmonds and numerous others.

Insecure was created by Issa Rae and Larry Wilmore; executive produced by Issa Rae, Prentice Penny, Melina Matsoukas, Michael Rotenberg, Dave Becky and Jonathan Berry. (courtesy of hbo.com)

 

I watched the premiere episode last month on demand and I was instantly intrigued. It’s rare that I find characters that I can relate to on television especially ones that put their insecurities on display. As a teen in the late 90’s/early 2000’s, I grew up watching shows like Family Matters, Fresh Prince of Bel Air, 90210 and Boy Meets World among others. Even though there was teenage angst, the teens on these shows always solved their issues in one episode and looked flawless while doing so. If only real life were that easy! Their insecurities seemed so insignificant compared to mine and being young and naive, I thought that I was the only one that had issues with my looks and overall demeanor. Like Issa, I was an “awkward black girl”  but my awkwardness consisted of a skinny frame, glasses and braces. If I was cast on a tv show, I’d be the quintessential geek that always seemed to fade into the background. The geek on tv wasn’t the one that had the attention of the opposite sex so she usually just stayed to herself and buried herself in her books (or in my case my Usher VHS tapes and magazines). In my mind, no one could relate to what I was going through so especially since all the black girls on tv were beautiful and cool I kept my struggles to myself. Then a few years later when I was in my early 20’s, blogging and social media sites became mainstream and my life changed forever. Through blogging, I was able to share my stories and connect with others who had been through similar experiences. I could spread the word through sites such as Twitter and Facebook and I could even stream live and post videos on YouTube. This took the Internet to a whole new level and I had the opportunity to meet people who I would never come in contact with under normal circumstances and was able to express my thoughts and feelings as well as enjoy others forms of expressions. Now this is where Issa Rae comes in!

I was familiar with Issa’s YouTube series “The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl” but didn’t really pay attention until I heard about her semi-autobiographical series “Insecure” being picked up on HBO. I thought to myself “Who is this woman and how did she get a series deal with HBO?” I just had to investigate and find out more. Through my investigation, I found a woman who was perfectly imperfect. She was quirky and weird but it worked for her. I admired her honesty and transparency and although it was content created for YouTube and television, it was authentic and most importantly, I could relate to all of it. I too tend to talk to myself when I need to vent. I also feel like everyone is doing better in life than me and as far as relationships go, I’ve had bad luck with men just like Issa (that’s why I’m abstaining from all things related to the opposite sex for now lol) Finally, I found someone who gets it, who gets me and even though I can only see her through my laptop/phone/tv screen, I know she is speaking to me and other women like myself who embrace our quirks, awkwardness and even our insecurities and not let these things hold us back from feeling confident, beautiful and successful. Issa is a prime example of how being who you are and not fitting any particular mold is the right way to go in all aspects of life! One of my goals is to tell her all of this in person so stay tuned for that epic moment 😀 Dream big or not at all!

 

You can view the trailer for Issa’s new HBO series “Insecure” below  and check back on Friday for my next post! Much love to you all and always remember to love and live luxuriously!