Motivation Monday: Setbacks to Comebacks

tumblr_mle4lt1siv1qm99efo1_500Happy Monday! I was thinking about my life and how things aren’t the way I thought they would be. By 30, I figured that I would be a successful love and relationship blogger/vlogger with thousands of views. I just knew that I would be in a committed relationship on the road to marriage and that for the first time in a long time, everything would start to make sense.  Instead, I’m rebuilding my website that focuses on confidence related issues and trying to entice readers and viewers with content that will entertain and inspire. As far as my love life is concerned, I just ended a 4 year situationship and vowed to stay celibate until I find a man who wants the same things I want out of a relationship. Needless to say, I’m still single! I can’t act like I am not partly at fault for the way things are but I wondered why everyone else seemed to be ahead of me in life. I know things could be much worse and I am grateful for what I have but why couldn’t things be better? Why when it feels like I am getting to where I need to be, life throws another curveball. Why am I not attracting the right kind of people into my space instead of the commitment phobic men that keep creeping up? It took me awhile to understand but I think that all the challenges are preparing me for something bigger, something greater than I could ever imagine.

I have to go through trials and tribulations to find the light at the end of the tunnel. I had to see what I didn’t want from a man and out of a relationship to appreciate the qualities that I should be looking for in a partner. I have to know what it feels like to fail to truly appreciate the feeling of success. The struggle is my motivation because I know that I don’t want to stay in the place I am in so I have to push past all the obstacles that are in my way to get to where I need to be. Setbacks lead to comebacks as long as you keep moving forward. It is easier said than done but I know that I am destined for greatness so while the past is a great teacher that will help me in my future, I can’t let it define me. One day at a time:)

I will be live on Facebook on Wednesday night at 8pm EST. The topic is “Eliminating Limitations” and I have lots to say so make sure you tune in! Check back here for my next post on Wednesday as well.

 

Always remember to love and live luxuriously!

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Fear vs. Faith

fear6Good Afternoon! I’ve racked my brain all weekend trying to figure out what to write about. I had a few ideas in my head but none of them were about anything that really resonated with me. If I didn’t feel strongly about it, I knew that would come through in my writing so I told myself I wouldn’t write unless it would be beneficial to myself and others. Even if its something that I’m uncomfortable with, I’d write about it because I know that I could speak for those who may not have the courage now to talk about what bothers them. Although I am working on my confidence, there has always been one thing that I never felt confident doing even after I faced my biggest fear related to it: Driving.

I didn’t get my license until I was 29 (at the end of last year) and that was because I was scared to drive on the road with others because I feared being involved in an accident. I also feared failing the road test because I had failed it a few years earlier and felt like an idiot afterwards. I would always ask myself “Why is this skill that comes so easily to others so hard for me to achieve?” and  “Is there something wrong with me because I can write a 20 page paper in 2 days and get an A on it but I can’t do left turns on busy intersections without tensing up and getting sweaty palms!” I know it’s because I am not confident in my driving abilities but I’ve overcome things that were once tough for me like speaking in front of a crowd full of people, maintaining eye contact and most recently, being honest about my feelings and learning to let go of situations that no longer helped me grow. These were challenges that I didn’t overcome easily but I was able to do it. So why does this fear of driving still plague me even after getting my license.  I kept asking this question to myself until I finally figured it out. I am afraid of dealing with things that I cannot control.

When I write a paper, I know that my grade is dependent on the work I do. If I put a lot of effort into researching and writing, I will get a good grade. If I don’t, the grade will show that. I am in control of the results. Same thing goes with socializing and being able to connect with people. If I show interest and work on my social skills, most people will have a positive response to what I am saying and pay attention. Driving is a different thing altogether. Even the best drivers get into accidents or encounter situations beyond their control. They can’t guarantee that someone else on the road hasn’t been drinking or that the rain won’t hinder them from getting them where they need to go. I don’t do well with things that are completely out of my control and my mind always goes to the worse case scenario. It’s the pessimist in me that needs to fade into the background but that pessimist has been nurtured by fear. The only way to eliminate that fear is by doing the complete opposite. I need to be confident in my abilities but most importantly, I need to have faith.

I have discussed conquering my fears in the past by believing in yourself and going as hard as you can to achieve your goals but I never mentioned the role that faith plays in overcome fear. In the Bible it says “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” In other words, you have to believe in something even though it may not be visible to you at that very moment. I have to believe in myself and my abilities even though I am not able to predict the future to know that everything will work out. People step out on faith all the time and make extraordinary things happen. Why should something as simple as driving be any different? I am working on strengthening my faith every day by praying and meditating, saying  positive affirmations and understanding that everything happens the way its supposed to and certain things are inevitable. The future is unknown but as long as I step out one with and emit positive energy into the atmosphere, that same positive energy will bounce back to me. This applies to all facets of my life and it definitely will help me when I start driving.

Is there anything you are fearful of that is hindering you from becoming the best version of yourself? Are you taking any steps to conquer that fear and letting faith take over? I have learned that fear limits you but faith is limitless and for me to get to where I need to be in life, my faith has to be stronger than any lingering fear or doubt in my heart. I always say this but I am a work in progress and everyday is a new day to learn something new and make sure that I get out of my own way!

Make sure you tune in next Wednesday October 26th at 8pm EST because I’ll be live on Facebook! The topic is “Eliminating Limitations” and this whole thing on fear vs. faith is a big part of it. Looking forward to chatting with everyone:)

 

Check back here on Wednesday for my next post and have an amazing day and always remember to love and live luxuriously!

Forgiveness

img_0318Good Afternoon! Writing 3x a week has been a difficult task for me to say the least! It’s not that I don’t have ideas but I don’t ever want my posts to come across as insincere or contrived. My goal is to always be genuine, honest and direct while writing and I hope that everyone that reads my posts can gain something from it whether its clarity on a specific situation or a sense of relief because they know that they are not alone. I had an idea for a post that I started to write yesterday but then someone from the not so distant past contacted me out of nowhere and inspired me to switch things up in hopes that my story could help/inspire all of you.

The guy that contacted me out of the blue taught me a very valuable lesson.  “MIA” (you will understand the reason for the nickname in a moment) was someone I was introduced to via an online dating site. I was very weary  of joining one but was having bad luck dating people I met by chance so I decided to go a different route. When MIA and I started messaging each other, he seemed too good to be true. He appeared to be honest, forthcoming and genuine, something that was lacking from my earlier situations. Unfortunately, he left as quickly as he came and went missing in action one day (hence the nickname MIA) without warning. I never had anyone go ghost on me and it was not only disappointing but frustrating because you can’t voice your anger/irritation/sadness to someone who isn’t there. It is hard to find closure on a situation that ended out of nowhere with no reasons why it happened. This had never happened to me before so I wasn’t sure of how to deal with it. I was understandably angry but holding that anger in is the same as drinking poison and expecting the other person to suffer. Over time, the anger slowly subsided but I still hadn’t found the closure I craved. I couldn’t figure out why until one day I realized that in order for me to find closure, I had to let go of what happened between us in the past and learn to forgive him, not for him but for my peace of mind and well-being.

Forgiveness is easier said than done but I knew that I was capable of it once I stopped trying to figure out his reasons or motives. Instead, I started directing my energy on working on the things that I could control in my life and learning how to follow my intuition . I really didn’t expect to hear from him so when he messaged me yesterday, surprise was an understatement. Normally if I’m still harboring feelings of anger and resentment towards someone, having the person contact me in any way gets me riled up and ruins my mood for the day. When I saw that MIA had messaged me however, after the initial shock wore off ,I didn’t really feel anything at all. I wasn’t upset with him anymore because his actions were a reflection of the kind of person he was and had nothing to do with me. He apologized profusely and although I thought it was a nice gesture, it wasn’t needed because I had already forgiven him months ago and no longer needed closure in the form of an apology or explanation from him. There is a saying that goes, “Always forgive, but never forget, Learn from your mistakes but never regret.” Even though I’ve forgiven MIA, I won’t forget the hurt he caused and I don’t think that we could ever get back to the way things were before. I don’t regret meeting him though because that experience taught me a lot about myself. It made me look at all the choices I have made with men and made me realize that I need to work on becoming the best version of myself instead of seeking validation from someone else. I am single for the first time in a long time but I no longer feel the need to find love because as corny as it may sound, I am learning to love myself and let go of anyone or anything that isn’t worthy of my love and attention. Every lesson is a blessing!

Life is unpredictable so while I like to know what I am going to write beforehand, I don’t know what the future holds so make sure you come back on Monday to see what comes to mind! Also be sure to like/comment/share if you enjoyed this post:) Have a great weekend!

 

Always remember to love and live luxuriously!

 

 

Letting Go and Loving Life

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working on following these especially #6!

Good Afternoon! I told myself that as soon as I bought a new laptop and started going out more that I would start posting more often. I am typing on my MacBook as we speak and I have been busy these past few weeks especially around my birthday but my last post was over a month ago as you can see! I wasn’t sure what the issue was at first but then I realized that I haven’t been able to sit down and focus on everything that has gone on. Hindsight is really 20/20 and I am starting to see people for who they are instead of who I expected them to be.Growing apart from someone can be difficult but for me to become the best version of myself, I have to learn how to let go.  I am realizing that everyone’s journey is different as well as their destination and comparing myself to others is only holding me back. I need to focus on what’s in store for me and focus on radiating positive energy.

 

After looking at my Facebook memories from a year and 2 years ago today, I realized that I had a more positive outlook on life at that time even when I was dealing with a toxic relationship and the loss of my father. After dealing with the pain that comes from losing someone, I became stronger and more determined because I know that pain is inevitable but suffering is optional. Wallowing in self-pity is a form of self-induced suffering and I can no longer be that person that has a “woe is me” attitude especially when I have overcome a lot in my life and became a better woman because of it. I know that I don’t have all the answers but I am always seeking inspiration and guidance from other sources and one of my new goals is to surround myself with people who have a similar positive mindset. Everything else is irrelevant if it isn’t something that will bring me closer to where I want to be in life. If you feel the same way, rock with me!

 

Thinking about doing a Facebook Live Stream either tonight or tomorrow night so stay tuned for that!

 

Until next time always remember to love and live luxuriously!