Is Social Media Helpful or Harmful When It Comes To Dating?

Good Morning! I know I said I was going to post on Monday but I have had the hardest time trying to think of things to write. Same ish different day basically but I was talking to my therapist about needing things to talk about and she suggested that I discuss how social media has affected dating in modern times. As a social media marketer, I know how important social media is as far as promoting businesses and services as well as staying connected to family and friends that you may not get to see often. As far as dating goes though, I never thought about the effect it may have on relationships especially since the last guy I was seeing didn’t have any social media pages (or so he says lol) so that was never an issue for me. I started thinking about the pros and cons of social media as it relates to dating and while social media has been beneficial in building friendships and professional relationships, I think it has done more harm than good on the dating front.  I’ve seen my fair share of drama on social media and sad to say, the majority of the drama was relationship related.

One of the reasons why I think social media has been a hinderance on dating is because you lose a lot of the excitement of getting to know someone without checking their Instagram or Facebook page to get a feel of who they are. I feel that social media isn’t a true reflection of a person but instead, a calculated and curated image of how he or she wants to be perceived. Perception doesn’t always equal reality so instead of trying to decipher what certain quotes mean or falling in lust over a heavily filtered image, step away from your computer or phone and allow yourself to get to know someone without any preconceived notions based on their profiles.

Another problem with dating while on social media is that many people use likes, comments and statuses as validation. If a guy/girl doesn’t change their relationship status publicly or post pics on social media of them being in a relationship, suddenly there’s an issue because the other person is looking for social media acceptance and/or approval. Your relationship isn’t “real” unless everyone knows about it. Facebook/Instagram/Twitter should not be the deciding factor on whether your love is real or feelings are mutual. Now I’m not saying that it’s okay for your significant other to intentionally not post pics or follow you because he/she doesn’t want anyone to know that they are involved but it should be a natural progression and based on the person’s comfort level. There are people who aren’t into posting their daily lives on social media because it is outside their comfort zone and that should be respected. Navigating the social media space can be tricky but how a relationship should be shared should be decided between two people not the world-wide web.

The biggest issue I have with social media and dating is the disconnect that comes when people become dependent on social media interactions instead of face to face connections. Personally, I don’t want Facebook messages or dms on Instagram to become a main form of communication when getting to know someone. If you are interested in me, show it by asking me for my number and talking to me on the phone so we can set up a real date. Liking my pics or commenting with heart emojis don’t mean as much as sending flowers and notes. It’s the thought and effort that counts and social media interactions require little thought and effort but actions speak volumes. Even if the connection may start online, the face to face interactions are what will build and strengthen the connection that will hopefully last beyond the confines of cyberspace.

I don’t know of any instances where relationships built off of social media input and suggestions have stood the test of time but I could be wrong. I just don’t think that creating a potential reality show or melodrama for your social media followers is the way to longevity in a relationship. There should be balance and everyone including myself( in my next relationship!) have to find that social media/real-life balance that works for them and their relationship. Have you had social media drama that came at the expense of your relationship? Let me know in the comments below (yup I’m nosy lol). I’ll be back on Friday with another dating related post so stay tuned! As always, remember to love and live luxuriously!

 

 

 

Advertisements

Life Updates: New Job Opportunities, Healthier Lifestyle and Focusing On Myself

Good Morning! I have been struggling with writer’s block once again but I told myself that I wouldn’t let it get to me like it always has in the past. I didn’t want to write a post where the focus is on having writer’s block lol so I decided to make this post a life update because as much as I discuss my life on here, I tend to avoid discussing my life on social media. Weird I know since my specialty is social media marketing but I don’t like sharing my life 24/7 especially since I don’t think that it’s that exciting but I do promote “Amore Luxe” and “Amore Luxe Media” more so it’s a start! I’m learning that I have to create the life that I want and stop waiting for opportunity to knock at my door. I also told myself that I wouldn’t settle and because of my commitment to myself, I have been slowly but surely seeing results in various areas of my life.

My goal is for “Amore Luxe Media” to be one of the biggest social media management companies out there. I am very passionate about how social media management can have a positive impact on building brand awareness and increasing sales for a business. I have been a freelance social media manager for a couple of businesses for years now but when I decided to take it seriously earlier this year, I wanted to make sure that I could offer great service and have a mutually beneficial relationship with my clients. I am always reading and trying to learn more about social media marketing and digital media and have received valuable advice from people I trust. I am acquiring new clients more regularly as well as promising job opportunities with other companies where I can assist and learn on the job. I feel that this is the path that will lead me to complete financial independence and lay a stronger foundation for “Amore Luxe Media” to stand on and thrive.

As far as my multiple attempts at a healthier lifestyle, I’ve tried and failed so much that I feel like I’ve wasted time and money without sticking to a diet and exercise routine to see results. The bad thing is that I know better! I know how to eat properly and what exercises need to be done to achieve the fitness goals I desire but when things get touch, I give in to temptation and unless I am committed to this lifestyle 100% mentally, the physical changes that I want to happen will not come to fruition. I am a very impulsive person who makes many decisions on a whim. Sometimes it’s helpful because I am not indecisive but as it relates to health and fitness, it’s been harmful because I haven’t been able to thoroughly plan and take things one step at a time instead of trying to dive in head first and overwhelming myself in the process. I’ve decided that I am going to implement little changes in my diet and exercise routine that will lead to bigger changes over time. One of the main things I want to do is to drink more water. Anyone who knows me knows that I don’t care for water and I know that our bodies are made of water and I should crave it and all of that but I just don’t care for it unless I am extremely hot and the water is extremely cold. I have to force myself to drink it and while adding things like lemons and strawberries helps, it still doesn’t make me want to drink it any more than I already do. I figured if I can drink at least three 20 ounce bottles a day on a regular basis, I can do anything! One goal at a time, one step at a time is the new mantra for my health and fitness journey. I will update you in future posts on my progress so wish me luck 🙂

I know I was gung-ho about online dating (read my post about that here) but now I’m starting to reconsider my decision. The recent news story about the online dating serial rapist/killer has added to my hesitance along with the fact that most of the guys I’ve found attractive are either looking for a “friends with benefits” situation or are just weird or lack conversation. I haven’t connected with anyone on any of the apps yet and I know that these things take time but I’m at a point now that I’d rather focus on what I can control and leave the rest in God’s hands. I’ve said “The Serenity Prayer” every night before bed and I want to stay true to its words. That means no stressing about my love life and choosing to direct that energy to becoming the best version of myself. I don’t think I’m going to delete the apps but I won’t actively search through profiles either. Whatever happens, happens and I’m perfectly fine with that!

What are your current goals and what steps are you taking to achieve them? Let me know in the comments section below. Working on ideas for my next post that will either be up on Wednesday or Thursday so stay tuned for that. Until then, remember to love and live luxuriously!

Is Online Dating Worth The Hassle?


Hey lovelies! I told myself that I was going to be completely honest with you guys about what’s going on in my life this time around so I decided to share something that I was kind of embarrassed about. Then I said eff it and decided to share my dating struggles. I’ve talked about the issues with the last guy I was seeing back in March (here’s the link to that post! https://amoreluxe.com/2018/03/14/shattering-my-rose-colored-glasses/) and that situation is dead lol but I wanted to step back out into the dating world but had difficulty because I don’t meet different types of guys in my neighborhood. At my last job, I only dealt with kids, staff and parents (and I’ve never gotten involved with a parent lol) and don’t frequent the types of places where I can meet different types of men so my only option was to resort to online dating. I’ve tried online dating in the past and even started seeing a guy that I met online but things did not work out. (Check out this post for details on that situation! https://amoreluxe.com/2016/10/14/forgiveness/) I was very hesitant to try it again but my bff Krystal suggested I try it again to see if things would be different the second time around. She told me to have an open mind but to always go with my gut because ignoring it could lead to serious consequences. If something doesn’t seem right about a guy when talking to him, don’t ignore that feeling and end it if things are being said or done that makes you feel super uncomfortable or seems suspect. I am not anxious to jump in a relationship or commit to anything serious at this moment but if I meet someone and we click, I won’t reject it out of fear either. With all of that being said,I felt like I was ready to try again so I decided to reactivate my account for “OkCupid”. I also signed up for a dating app called “Coffee Meets Bagel” and a site I’ve never heard of called “Hinge”. Here’s my thoughts and ratings on the sites/apps:

 

OkCupid

I joined OkCupid back in 2014 and liked it alright but I am very selective with who I choose to talk to so I ended up talking to a few guys but only had a real connection with 2 of them. I am still friends with one of them to this day (you know who you are 😉) and I am so happy that him and I support each other in our endeavors. The other guy who I ended up meeting in person and attempted to build something exhibited narcissistic tendencies and shady behavior and the latter was the main reason our situation ended. Needless to say, he was the reason that I was hesitant about reactivating my account but I told myself that I am wiser and that finding someone would be the icing on the cake and not the cake itself. Since there is no pressure, I could go into this with an open mind and just have fun! I realized that I’m just as picky as I was before but not just when it comes to looks. Most of the men I find attractive on the site seem to lack conversation and besides a “Hey what’s up?” and “What are you doing?”, it’s like pulling teeth to get them to say anything even though their profiles seem to have substance to them. One guy even hit me up after midnight when we hadn’t talked all day and tried to steer the conversation into a sexual direction so I had to shut that down quick! I’m not going to delete the app just yet but I am wary about the men that send me messages on there. This app gets a 2 out of 5 stars for now but hopefully I’ll meet a man who will change my mind.

Coffee Meets Bagel

Coffee Meets Bagel is different from OkCupid as far as the type of guys that frequent the site. I’ve noticed that more professional types (businessmen, doctors, lawyers) frequent this site than on OkCupid. These men also seem to be looking for something serious in contrast to OkCupid where many of the guys are looking for hookups and casual types of situations. Coffee Meets Bagel doesn’t let you browse through a large number of guys unless you pay for additional points or beans as they are called on the app. I REFUSE to pay for dating services of any kind so I deal with the limitations of the free services. I have begun conversations with a coupled of the guys I matched with but so far, nothing has materialized. The conversations only stay open for a couple of weeks unless you reopen it for 30 days so I’m guessing they expect you to make connections quickly and connect outside the app which I have yet to do. I will give this app 3.5/5 stars because I see it’s potential and I feel that some good prospects are out there just waiting for me lol

Hinge


Now this is a site/app I’ve never heard of until my therapist suggested it to me. This app is different from OkCupid and Coffee Meets Bagel in its simplicity. You only have to answer 3 random questions and connect your account to Instagram to create a profile. Even though there’s only 3 questions on the profile, they are interesting and the answers I’ve read have given me a bit of insight into what the guy is like. Like Coffee Meets Bagel, the guys on this app seem to be looking for something serious and the guys I’ve had conversations with so far seem have intrigued me. Not to mention that I am more attracted to the guys on this app as a whole compared to the other two! I haven’t made a real connection yet but I just downloaded it last week so there’s no rush. I am giving this app 4/5 stars and if I meet someone and it leads to something, I’ll be the first to promote this app all over my social media 😂

 

 

Have you tried online dating? What have been your experiences? And for the fellas, have you had similar experiences with women on these apps? I wanna know ALL the tea 😛

Sound off in the comments section and be sure to like and share this post!

 

Stay tuned for a new post either on Friday or Monday depending on how my week goes lol…until then be sure to love and live luxuriously!

Forgiveness

img_0318Good Afternoon! Writing 3x a week has been a difficult task for me to say the least! It’s not that I don’t have ideas but I don’t ever want my posts to come across as insincere or contrived. My goal is to always be genuine, honest and direct while writing and I hope that everyone that reads my posts can gain something from it whether its clarity on a specific situation or a sense of relief because they know that they are not alone. I had an idea for a post that I started to write yesterday but then someone from the not so distant past contacted me out of nowhere and inspired me to switch things up in hopes that my story could help/inspire all of you.

The guy that contacted me out of the blue taught me a very valuable lesson.  “MIA” (you will understand the reason for the nickname in a moment) was someone I was introduced to via an online dating site. I was very weary  of joining one but was having bad luck dating people I met by chance so I decided to go a different route. When MIA and I started messaging each other, he seemed too good to be true. He appeared to be honest, forthcoming and genuine, something that was lacking from my earlier situations. Unfortunately, he left as quickly as he came and went missing in action one day (hence the nickname MIA) without warning. I never had anyone go ghost on me and it was not only disappointing but frustrating because you can’t voice your anger/irritation/sadness to someone who isn’t there. It is hard to find closure on a situation that ended out of nowhere with no reasons why it happened. This had never happened to me before so I wasn’t sure of how to deal with it. I was understandably angry but holding that anger in is the same as drinking poison and expecting the other person to suffer. Over time, the anger slowly subsided but I still hadn’t found the closure I craved. I couldn’t figure out why until one day I realized that in order for me to find closure, I had to let go of what happened between us in the past and learn to forgive him, not for him but for my peace of mind and well-being.

Forgiveness is easier said than done but I knew that I was capable of it once I stopped trying to figure out his reasons or motives. Instead, I started directing my energy on working on the things that I could control in my life and learning how to follow my intuition . I really didn’t expect to hear from him so when he messaged me yesterday, surprise was an understatement. Normally if I’m still harboring feelings of anger and resentment towards someone, having the person contact me in any way gets me riled up and ruins my mood for the day. When I saw that MIA had messaged me however, after the initial shock wore off ,I didn’t really feel anything at all. I wasn’t upset with him anymore because his actions were a reflection of the kind of person he was and had nothing to do with me. He apologized profusely and although I thought it was a nice gesture, it wasn’t needed because I had already forgiven him months ago and no longer needed closure in the form of an apology or explanation from him. There is a saying that goes, “Always forgive, but never forget, Learn from your mistakes but never regret.” Even though I’ve forgiven MIA, I won’t forget the hurt he caused and I don’t think that we could ever get back to the way things were before. I don’t regret meeting him though because that experience taught me a lot about myself. It made me look at all the choices I have made with men and made me realize that I need to work on becoming the best version of myself instead of seeking validation from someone else. I am single for the first time in a long time but I no longer feel the need to find love because as corny as it may sound, I am learning to love myself and let go of anyone or anything that isn’t worthy of my love and attention. Every lesson is a blessing!

Life is unpredictable so while I like to know what I am going to write beforehand, I don’t know what the future holds so make sure you come back on Monday to see what comes to mind! Also be sure to like/comment/share if you enjoyed this post:) Have a great weekend!

 

Always remember to love and live luxuriously!