Lessons I Wish I Knew Before I Entered My 30’s

Good Morning! 2019 has been a year of self-reflection and making moves based on what makes me happy instead of what I feel is expected of me. I realized that in my 30’s, there is no more room for playing around. I have to get on my grind with no more excuses or apologies. Even though I have no regrets on any past decisions I’ve made, there are things I wish I knew before I entered my 30’s. Read on to see what my Top 3 life lessons are!

Your Journey Is Yours And No One Else’s
Ever since I could remember, I wanted to be part of the entertainment industry. I always assumed I was going to be behind the scenes doing A&R because I was shyer in my younger years and just wanted to work on artist development and help the artist reach his/her full potential. Around 2009, I started blogging on the Blogger platform and sharing my personal experiences as well as my poetry and someone suggested that I turn my blog into a website that goes into further detail about love, sex and relationships. I liked the idea and launched my website (then known as The Angielala Experience) in 2010. It was through the site that I realized that I enjoyed being in front of the camera especially when I was part of discussion panels and hosting events at my college. I  found my true calling and decided that I was going to become the Internet Oprah. I felt that I was on my way when I landed interviews with celebs such as Trey Songz, Chilli and Naturi Naughton as well as working for brands like Kodak while in college but by the time I hit 30, it felt like my career was at a standstill. I wasn’t fulfilled in my personal life or my professional life and it seemed like everyone had it together but me. By the time 2017 came around, I was at my lowest point.  I lost my father 3 years prior and my grandmother in October 2017 so that along with the fact that I felt stuck at my job made me feel like there was nothing to look forward to. After much thought along with the encouragement from my friends, I decided to go to therapy which was one of the best decisions I’ve made. Therapy made me realize that I don’t have to have it together right away and that as long as I was making the steps necessary to bring about change. Most importantly, I’ve learned that comparison is the thief of joy and that by focusing on what others are doing, I lose sight of my overall goals and treat the journey as a race when its a marathon. I am not where I want to be but I am much further than where I was when I was at my lowest point and that’s because I have tunnel vision and am only in competition with myself.

The One You Are Meant To Be With Will Come Along When The Time Is Right

I was never the type of woman who liked to date. When I like someone, I tend to get attached and want to settle down and be in a relationship. I am picky so if I fall for someone, its because I see something in them that makes them stand out. Unfortunately, the bad has outweighed the good especially in my last situationship and instead of letting go and moving on, I stuck around and tried to make things work because I didn’t want to be alone. As I stated previously, I don’t have any regrets but staying in that situation held me back from being the best version of myself. How can I promote confidence when I am in a situation that has me doubting myself and what I deserve? When you know better you do better so instead of trying to convince him or change his mind about us, I finally let him go and decided to use that energy to get my life together. It feels so refreshing to not worry about someone who in all honestly didn’t put that much energy and time into worrying about me. I know now that I can only focus on what I can control and that’s the decisions I make and how I see myself and once I realized that, things started to fall into place. I know that the right man will come along when I am ready to see him and receive him but until then, my physical, mental and emotional well-being are my priority and though I am single, I am not lonely because I am using this time to fall in love with myself!

 

You Have To To Make Self-Care A Priority

When I was in my 20’s I was thin and could eat just about anything without worrying about gaining weight but as soon as 30 hit, I noticed the pounds coming on and by the time I was 32 in 2018 , I had gained a good 15-20 pounds and while I love the extra weight in my boobs and thighs, the stomach pudge has got to go! I haven’t been as consistent with diet and exercise as I should have but I will get it together! Most importantly, I had to take time out to pamper myself like giving myself a mani/pedi and meditating to ease any anxiety and stress. Going to the spa helps as well and I’ve been a few times in the past few years and plan on making more trips. I also want to do yoga but I’m not trying to spend money so I’m considering doing it from home for now. Although these activities are nothing major, they make me feel better about myself and when I feel good about myself, I can conquer the world!

 

What are some life lessons you wished you knew before entering your 30’s? Let me know in the comments section below. New post coming on Friday so stay tuned for that! Until then, always remember to love and live luxuriously!

 

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Being Brutally Honest With Myself

I know it’s been a minute but I had a lot of things to get off my chest so forgive me if this post is a bit all over the place but I wanted it to be read in its purest and rawest form without trying to sound perfect or profound. I’ve been MIA for a lot of reasons mainly because I was feeling uninspired/unmotivated/depressed/down on my luck, etc. I wanted to present the best version of myself and I felt that until I could do that, I was going to stay away from blogging and mainly lurk on social media with the occasional snap or ig flick. As a result, I gained social media envy and just felt like my whole life was a complete failure compared to that of my former classmates, family, friends and influencers. I knew deep down inside that you can’t take everything on social media at face value and that people usually  present the best versions of themselves but I still allowed it to control the way I felt about my life and all the losses that had occurred.  At the end of last year, I started going to therapy after my grandmother died because I was feeling lost and unsettled. My life felt like it was in shambles and I had no control over it. I was at a job that I didn’t like and I felt like I was settling and being complacent. My therapist made me realize that I had to take a leap of faith to see change so I decided the first thing that I had to let go of was the comfort and security of my job.  I left my full-time job to follow my dreams of being an entrepreneur (social media marketing maven/blogger) but those old feelings of inadequacy came creeping back in. Though I was gung-ho at the beginning of the year and initial launch of “Amore Luxe Media”, the energy and steam wore off when I didn’t receive immediate results and the cycle of feeling uninspired and unmotivated started yet again. What made it worse was that I didn’t have a good excuse to not try harder. My closest friends were making moves, taking chances and pushing themselves past their comfort zones. They were living their lives unapologetically and even though sacrifices had to be made, they knew that the result would be worth it. If you watch the hit HBO show, Insecure, I felt like I was Issa and Issa is me. She was the one in the group of her friends that was at a job that didn’t fulfill her and was watching her life spin into chaos while the ones closest to her were living their best lives. I didn’t wanna be the “Issa” of the group so I had to have a brutally honest conversation with myself to figure out what to do to not suck in life lol

 

The “Insecure” scene that changed everything .I REFUSE to be the Issa in my group of friends 😂 😂😂

I came to the conclusion that I need to set out specific goals for myself, attack them ONE at a time and be consistent and persistent. I am the type of person who expects to see instant results instead of being patient and continuing to put the work in even when I may feel like wanting to give up or feel like I am heading towards failure. Between watching Oprah and Will Smith inspirational videos, I’ve learned that failure is inevitable but it is how you handle to  that makes you a true contender in life. I was running away from my challenges in fear of failure and not attempting to give it my all is worse than any feeling that failure brings. I know that it’s a journey and it’s going to have its bumps and battles but giving up can no longer be an option. Excuses no longer cut it and while perfection is ideal, it shouldn’t be the main focus of everything that I set out to do. In order to live, I have to learn and embrace whatever is coming my way. I am strong enough to fight the battles and smart enough to know that failure or rejection isn’t the end but just another challenge I have to overcome to get what it is that I dream of. I have so much that I want to accomplish and normally I would list it all but for now, I’m keeping a few things to myself and will share them with you all as I make them happen.

  “You don’t become what you want, you become what you believe.”

     ― Oprah Winfrey

 

“Fear is not real. The only place that fear can exist is in our thoughts of the future. It is a product of our imagination, causing us to fear things that do not at present and may not ever exist. That is near insanity. Do not misunderstand me danger is very real but fear is a choice.”

― Will Smith

 

For those who have supported me since “The Angielala Experience” days, I love you and I appreciate everything from the positive feedback, constructive critiques and every like/share/comment on social media. I am still in the process on what direction I want “Amore Luxe” to go in because I feel like it’s all over the place at the moment but I know that I still want confidence to be the focus and I hope that this post and all that follow it inspire and urge my readers to take chances to make the necessary changes in life.  I know it’s tough but you can do it and I believe in you just as much as you believe in me and going forth, I promise that I will make sure to provide content that will help you be the best you. Let me know what you think about this post by liking/commenting/sharing. Much love to you all and always remember to love and live luxuriously!

 

Passion and Patience 

Good Afternoon! I have been racking my brain on what I should write about. Writer’s block is no joke and it’s been a struggle but I thought about the things that have been heavy on my mind lately and I realize that I’ve been frustrated that I’m not living the life of my dreams yet. I know what I want out of life and the work that it will take to get there but it’s been tough just wishing and hoping that things will work out. That’s when I have my “aha” moment as Oprah likes to call it. If I’m actually putting in the work, I won’t have time to think about what I don’t have and what I’m not getting out of life. In order for me to want to do the work, it has to be something I’m passionate about and something I’m willing to wait for because I know that it will come true in time. 

Passion and patience lead to greatness and I feel that both is needed for me to make all the visions on my vision board a reality. I can’t let pressure overwhelm me and as I stated in a previous post, I have to take things one day at a time. As long as I don’t lose sight of those goals and remain confident and excited about them, they will come to fruition. Every day is a new beginning so let this day be the start of something amazing! Be sure to keep me updated on your journey:) 

Always remember to love and live luxuriously!

Day 7 Confidence Challenge: No Gossiping!

gossipGood Morning! Last night as I was deciding  what I wanted today’s challenge to be, I started thinking about the negative traits that I wanted to change about myself and one of them was gossiping. I am not as bad as some of my friends and family members but I still do indulge in gossip from time to time and that says more about my character than the person or people who I am speaking of. I can’t pretend that I like everything someone says or does but instead of focusing on the things that aren’t appealing or of interest of me when it comes to their appearance, behavior or overall personality, I could use that same time and effort into working on my life and the person I want to become. Gossip comes from a negative place and even though not all of it is meant to be malicious and hurtful (think about the funny and entertaining gossip blogs many of you read on a daily basis), it still demonstrates anger, envy, jealousy and other characteristics that are harmful to one’s mental well-being. They say misery loves company and a bunch of gossipers can spread misery and negative energy wherever they go.

I know how difficult it can be to stay away from gossip especially when your coworkers are talking about how much they can’t stand their boss or you turn on the television and watch yet another celebrity get bashed on TMZ but  today, try your hardest to refrain from engaging in the chatter. Change the subject or walk away once someone attempts to bring you into the negative conversation. Turn the channel on the television or close out of the window of the site that is feeding negative energy about someone. Engage in other activities that are uplifting to yourself and others and you will feel better about yourself and life in general. Instead of the possibility of guilt or remorse after bashing someone, your confidence will rise because you didn’t have to put someone down to feel better about yourself and that is what this challenge and overall campaign is about. Affecting others in a favorable way will bring about good energy in your own life and will be clear to anyone who encounters you.

I made a conscious decision not to post challenges everyday because I don’t want this challenge to feel like work. On the “off” days, I want everyone to reflect on their progress so far and create goals that will bring them into a more confident frame of mind. I want to thank everyone who made it through week one of the “30 Day Confidence Challenge” and for those who are just starting, here’s a recap of the challenges so far:

Day 1: Finding “Me Time” https://amoreluxe.com/2015/04/09/day-1-confidence-challenge-treat-yourself-to-some-me-time/

Day 2: “Smile” https://amoreluxe.com/2015/04/10/day-2-confidence-challenge-smile/

Day 3 and Day 4: Challenge Break to work on “Confidence Goals”

Day 5: “Think Positive” https://amoreluxe.com/2015/04/13/day-5-confidence-challenge-think-positive/

Day 6- Reflection on Confidence Progress so far

Sharing is caring! Share these posts on your social media pages (Twitter, Facebook, Instagram) and use the hashtags #confidencechallenge and #confidencecampaign while posting! I want to know how you guys feel about the campaign and the challenges that you are facing in your life as well so make sure you comment and keep me updated. I have so many things in store for “Amore Luxe” and the “Confidence Campaign” in the months ahead so stay tuned:)

Always remember to love and live luxuriously!