Fearless Friday: What I Learned From Therapy

After receiving such great feedback on my last post, (click here if you haven’t read that post) I decided that transparency is my new thing. With that being said, I wanted to touch on something that I spoke about briefly in past posts but feel that this topic deserves its own post. I have been going to therapy on and off for 2 years and I feel that I have benefitted greatly from my sessions. It hasn’t always been easy and at one point I was hesitant to even admit that I needed help but I am at a point in my life where in order for me to become the best version of myself, I can’t be afraid of what others think or feel about the decisions I make that are in my best interest.

I started going to therapy 3 weeks after my grandmother passed away in 2017 and immediately questioned the decision. Even though I was depressed, I wasn’t suicidal or anything like that so why couldn’t I get out of the funk I was in? After many discussions with the therapist, it soon became clear to me that I was living in a state of constant fear and could not think about the future because I was too hung up on what happened in the past and how I was handling (or not handling) my emotions and how I responded to things out of my control. I always assumed that therapists were there to tell their patients what they should do but what I realized is that they are more like sounding boards where they listen to what you have to say and interject with questions that make you view the situation from different perspectives but they should never force any of their personal feelings on you. I’ve dealt with anxiety regarding my family, worries about relationships that have gone wrong and how I contributed to them and my fear of failure and feeling stuck and complacent in life instead of living it to the fullest.  I’ve had 3 therapists and with the exception of the second therapist, I have felt that I was being heard and that my feelings were valid which means a lot when you feel isolated from others because of the issues that your are grappling with. It’s okay not to be okay but don’t give up on yourself.

I feel like therapy is medicine for my mind and soul. Talking to an objective source who doesn’t know me personally outside of what I choose to share is comforting and has been helpful in easing my anxiety because I am able to share the things that I am stressed or anxious about without worrying about anyone judging me. It is medicine for my soul because every time I leave therapy, I feel lighter as if a weight has been taken off of my shoulders. Even if I leave without knowing exactly how I am going to confront an issue that I may be dealing with, I know that I am capable of handling it and just about anything else that comes my way. I don’t see myself going to therapy forever but it is an essential part of my life at this point especially since I am in a transitional period and being able to completely let go for those 45 mins each Tuesday has helped me to stay focused on my goals for the week. I hope that the stigma that’s attached to therapy can be eliminated in time especially within the African American community. Getting help from a qualified outside source for any issues you may be dealing with should not be perceived as weakness but strength because you know that you can be better and do better in life with a little assistance along the way.

How do you feel about therapy? What are your experiences if you’ve been to therapy before? Let me know in the comments! Side note: Make sure you subscribe to my new podcast with my homie DJ called “Weekend Friendz”. Click here to listen and subscribe! New post coming Monday but until then, always be sure to love and live luxuriously!

 

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Wisdom Wednesday: Finding Balance

imageGood Afternoon! I know it’s been a minute since my last post and I really have no other excuse besides the fact that I have a lot going on and haven’t found the time to post. I used to complain about not having anything going on and how I was frustrated with my lack of motivation. At the end of 2015, I made a promise to myself that I was going to start getting my life in order and work towards becoming a better me. So far, I’ve conquered my fear of driving by getting my license, got out of a toxic relationship (https://amoreluxe.com/2016/02/24/wisdom-wednesday-priority-vs-option/) and I was promoted at my part-time job which has required me to take on more responsibility. I am proud of myself for achieving these goals but feel overwhelmed at times because I have a hard time finding balance.

I know a lot of it has to do with learning how to manage my time wisely (Check out this post for tips that I’m working on: https://amoreluxe.com/2016/02/04/acquiring-time-management-skills/) but the majority of it has to do with me trying to play catch up and looking at my life as a race towards the finish line instead of a journey where I should pace myself and focus on the present as well as the future. The only person that I should be in competition with is myself and that everything that has happened in my life has happened for a reason. I may not be where I want to be but I am a lot further than I was and for that reason alone, I am thankful. As the saying goes, “Rome wasn’t built in a day” and I understand that greatness takes time. Learning how to live life to the fullest in the present while still making sure that you stay focused and prepare for your future is a balancing act in itself but I feel that it’s essential for me to maintain peace and sanity. I’ve been slipping as far as my diet and exercise routine but I’m not giving up! I also am working on going out more and trying new things instead of staying cooped up in the house because that’s when I get back into a rut! Slowly but surely, everything will come together and I will continue to take the necessary steps towards my goals. Stay tuned to see how I’m doing!

Let me know what you think by posting in the comments section below and thanks for your continued support:)

 

Always remember to love and live luxuriously!

 

 

Day 2 Confidence Challenge : Smile!

Good Morning! We are on Day 2 of the “Confidence Challenge” and I am so happy for the feedback I have been smilequotereceiving. Many challenges that I’ve seen online are usually ones that need people to do some type of physical activity such as the “30 Day Ab” and “30 day squat” challenges (I’ve done both and believe me, they were no fun at all!) and I realized that although implementing workout routines to change yourself on the outside is difficult, breaking bad habits that tear at your self-esteem is even  more difficult because they require a change in attitude and behavior. You can’t just go through the motions and expect to see results, you actually have to believe it and want to change.

With that being said, I wanted us to start with exercises that seem simple but have a deeper purpose. Today, I challenge all of us to smile. Easy enough right? Well I want you to smile even if your co-worker or boss says something you don’t like. I want you to smile through all the bickering your kids may do or if your significant other is being neglectful, try being positive and work through your issue while maintaining a smile. This is not to say to act like everything is okay because that is unrealistic but your smile is a way of telling yourself that everything will work itself out. It’s a way to restore balance and peace and most importantly, your smile can be contagious and change the mood of the people around you and overall atmosphere. Smile while walking down the street or while exercising. Do things that will make you smile like listening to your favorite song or watching your favorite scene from a movie or tv show. The point is to smile regardless of your current predicament because we are not focusing on the past or present but what we want in the future. Confidence is the way to get to where you need to be and exuding happiness by smiling is one of the first steps to becoming the best version of yourself. You are what you attract so start attracting positive energy.

I’ll be back to posting more challenges on Monday but over the weekend, I want you to think of some short-term goals you want to accomplish. I shared mine in Monday’s post (getting my license, getting into this MBA program and finding a job that will benefit me and “Amore Luxe”) but come up with a few of your own and think about not what you have to do to accomplish them but instead, what things need to change about you and your situations to attain the things you desire. Make sure to share all of your progress on here or on Instagram/Twitter/Facebook by using the hashtags #confidencechallenge and #confidencecampaign. We are gonna be even more awesome at the end of the 30 days so let’s keep moving forward:)

 

Always remember to love and live luxuriously!

Day 1 Confidence Challenge: Finding “Me Time”

metimeoprahquoteGood Morning Everyone!!! I am so excited about the response I received after posting about the “30 Days of Confidence” challenge yesterday. So many of you said you were all in for participating and wanted to know when we would start. Well TODAY is the day!!!! I have had multiple conversations with friends and family and so many of us feel blah about ourselves because we are overwhelmed with the pressure and unpredictability that life brings. Whether you are a mother or father working long hours to provide for your family or a college student trying to cram for 3 midterms, stress and the fear of  failure can make us feel like we are losing even before we start our day. No matter what is going on in your life, ALWAYS remember to take care of yourself. You have to be in a good mental and physical state for other areas of your life to fall into place. If you want that promotion at your job or want to earn an A on your next exam, you have to get your mind right and for you to do that, you have to mentally and physically recharge to be at your best. Finding time out to treat yourself, even if its 15-20 minutes out of your day doing something you like is essential to your overall well-being and definitely has a positive impact on the way you see yourself. Doing these things by yourself  also allows you to enjoy spending time with a person that should be valued and cherished:YOU! You are able to learn so many things about yourself when you are alone especially when its something you have never done before. I remember going to see a movie by myself for the first time last summer and I was so proud of myself because I did something that was outside of my comfort zone and enjoyed every moment of it. Something as simple as treating yourself out to your favorite meal or reading a chapter of a book you have been dying to read will have a profound effect on your mood and your overall outlook. If you pay close attention, you will notice that the most confident people are the ones who don’t need to be around a crowd every minute of the day. Their solitude speaks volumes and they can be alone without feeling lonely or insecure. It is a very powerful thing so I strongly suggest that you carve at least 15 minutes out of your schedule to do something fun/relaxing/entertaining for yourself by yourself. I plan on meditating while listening to the “Yoga and Meditation Playlist” on Spotify when I get home. It is relaxing and improves my mood and I told myself that I would start doing it more often so why not start on Day 1! Let me know what you plan on doing for your “Me Time” activity down below and make sure you do these things for you and  not anyone else:)

I will be posting Day 2-Day 5  Confidence Challenges tomorrow so make sure you are on the lookout for that!

 

Always remember to love and live luxuriously!