Good Morning! The topic of today’s post came to me kind of suddenly but not really because it’s been on my mind for awhile now but I wasn’t sure how to articulate my thoughts into a comprehensible post. I had a long phone chat with my friend Kimmy over the weekend (hey girl!) and we were talking about how our thoughts and words carry so much weight and that you have to be careful yet intentional with how you think and what you say. Thoughts and words have power and you attract what you put out into the world (law of attraction and all of that!) so be mindful of what you say and do. I realize that even though I may say I want things to be a certain way, my thoughts do not match my words and as a result, the actions behind those words do not usually come to fruition. I always thought that it was solely based on my lack of confidence at times but after reflecting on our conversation as well as a previous conversation with my therapist, I finally figured out what the issue was that was holding me back from greatness and what needed to change in order to let go and move forward.
After talking to my therapist a few weeks back, I realized that I have a tendency to ‘catastrophize’ everything. By catastrophize, I mean that I always think about the worst things that can happen in every situation. If I go on a job interview, I think “What if I can’t demonstrate that I am the ideal candidate for the position?” or “What if I appear to be incompetent?” I’ve done in in the past when dating especially when things didn’t go my way. I’d think to myself, “What if he leaves as a result of our argument?” I always think about the ‘worst case scenario’ and that pessimism seems to linger in various parts of my life. I realize that my mother is the queen of catastrophizing and even though I know that many disappointing moments in her life have led her to always think the worst about people and situations, I also feel that her negative thoughts attract negative emotions and as a result, it is a never ending cycle of dread and fear. Some of those behaviors have trickled down to me and although I am not as pessimistic as my mother, I know that when bad things do happen, I have a tendency to let them consume me instead of dealing with my emotions in that moment but allowing them to pass and learn from what mistakes have occurred. My biggest fears are my fear of failure and fear of death and although I cannot control the latter, I can deal with my fear of failure by changing my perspective, Instead of seeing a failed job interview as a failure or loss, I can use the situation as a learning experience on what not to do. Instead of being fearful of losing someone I really care about based off of an argument, I should focus on the honesty of my words and never to minimize my thoughts or feelings even if it means losing someone in the process. If we aren’t able to get past the argument, that in itself should tell me all that I need to know. In other words, instead of thinking about the ‘worst case scenario’, I needed to shift my thinking to the ‘best case scenario’ and let my actions follow suit.
By thinking about the ‘best case scenario’, I will enter a situation with a positive mindset because I will be able to see the bright side of any outcome and use it to push me closer to my goals instead of seeing the experience as another way of holding me back. There are many things that are out of my control but I can control the way I view the situation and most importantly, how I respond to it. I’m going to try this ‘Best Case Scenario’ mindset approach and I will be sure to let you know how it goes. I believe that it’s definitely going to improve my life going forward 😉 (see what I did there!)
What do you do to ‘decatastrophize’ a situation? I’d love to hear your thoughts on this so leave them in the comments below or on my social media (IG:@amoreluxe_ FB: Angela Cherai) so I can learn a few things from you guys! My next post should be up on Wednesday but if not then, I’ll definitely have something for you on Friday. I hope everyone has an amazing week and until the next time, always remember to love and live luxuriously!
Good Morning Lovelies! Back in 2016, I planned on doing a #FearlessFriday post every Friday where I would share something that I was fearful of or that held me back from reaching my full potential. It could be something as extreme as conquering my fear of riding on airplanes without having a mini panic attack before takeoff or something as minor as going outside of my comfort zone and trying something new like online dating for example (check out my previous post to read more about that!). Today I wanted to discuss something that has held me back from being the best version of myself because of my own personal insecurities. The thing is, I do not take criticism well AT ALL. Like its to the point where I become defensive or embarrassed and lose the motivation and passion to do what I initially set out to do. At first, I didn’t understand why I was this way towards people who were just trying to help me out. As I thought about it and went deeper into my past, I realized that criticism for me was a way of pointing out my flaws and failures which in turn meant that I wasn’t worthy of whatever it is that I desired.
It all goes back to having low self-esteem as a child and teenager and although I have grown and changed drastically since then, some of the doubts and triggers linger from those times that create doubt and wariness as an adult. Back then when I was picked on, I took it personally not realizing that kids prey on weakness and can sense it from a mile away. My insecurities were a weakness that held me back from speaking my mind and embracing everything that makes me, me quirks and all. Even though I learned that self-confidence is essential to do well in life and to gain respect from others, constructive criticism still felt like a punch in the gut and instead of using critiques like “You need to post more content that will appeal to a wider demographic.” or “Your inconsistencies with your blog come across as laziness and you need to do better” as motivation and encouragement, I looked at it from a pessimistic point of view as me not being good enough. These critiques and suggestions that came from my friends were only meant to help but instead I turned it into a ‘woe is me’ party and didn’t heed their advice. Needless to say when the light bulb finally went on in my head, a lot of time had been wasted that could have been used to create content and achieve my goals. When you know better, you do better and now that I get it, I’m going full speed ahead!
Now let me be clear, constructive criticism is totally different from being negative, petty or just a certified hater. If someone you know is being critical just because of their personal preferences, do not offer any solutions to the issue that they are being critical about or are coming from a place of negativity, anger or resentment, that is NOT constructive criticism but is destructive and toxic. Limit or avoid these kinds of people because they will only bring you down in the end. Constructive criticism should be helpful and beneficial to your life and if the critique doesn’t offer a solution or valid reason for your problem or concern, you might want to take a second look at the person that is offering their unwanted opinion.
To my friends, thanks for always providing me with love and support but most importantly, being truthful with me about things that I needed to improve. The truth can hurt but the constructive criticism has made me stronger and more determined than ever and for that, I am forever grateful 😘
I will be posting a book review from one of my favorite bloggers/motivational speakers on Monday so stay tuned for that! Have a great weekend and remember to love and live luxuriously!
Good Afternoon! I have been racking my brain on what I should write about. Writer’s block is no joke and it’s been a struggle but I thought about the things that have been heavy on my mind lately and I realize that I’ve been frustrated that I’m not living the life of my dreams yet. I know what I want out of life and the work that it will take to get there but it’s been tough just wishing and hoping that things will work out. That’s when I have my “aha” moment as Oprah likes to call it. If I’m actually putting in the work, I won’t have time to think about what I don’t have and what I’m not getting out of life. In order for me to want to do the work, it has to be something I’m passionate about and something I’m willing to wait for because I know that it will come true in time.
Passion and patience lead to greatness and I feel that both is needed for me to make all the visions on my vision board a reality. I can’t let pressure overwhelm me and as I stated in a previous post, I have to take things one day at a time. As long as I don’t lose sight of those goals and remain confident and excited about them, they will come to fruition. Every day is a new beginning so let this day be the start of something amazing! Be sure to keep me updated on your journey:)
Always remember to love and live luxuriously!
Good Morning! I have had an interesting week that has brought about a lot of changes. The excitement for the 30 Days of Confidence Challenge” as well as the “Confidence Campaign” overall has been amazing and I’m so appreciative for all of the likes and reposts that I’ve seen each day. I’m in the process of reworking my post content as well as the brand “Amore Luxe” overall. The foundation will always be based off of having confidence in yourself will have a positive impact on all areas of your life but I want to switch things up a bit so I’m falling back from the confidence challenges so I can bring something else that will excite and enlighten my followers. I’ll be working on it over the weekend so make sure you check back in with me next week to see exactly what I have in store 🙂
Much love to all of you and remember to love and live luxuriously!