Disconnect

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“So how come when I reach out my fingers, it seems like more than distance between us?”

Good Afternoon! I’ve tried to think of something to write about all weekend but nothing came to mind. So I gave up and decided to watch “Luke Cage” on Netflix at the suggestion of one of my friends Saturday night. I’m not a comic book fan so I didn’t think I would be able to get into the show but Saturday night turned into Sunday morning and then after sleeping and running errands, I finished the season Sunday evening. I really love the idea of a black superhero wearing a hoodie in the Black Mecca that is Harlem. The premise alone had me hooked but there was one conversation Luke had with his friend/potential love interest that sealed the deal. Luke was talking about a woman that he loved but ended up betraying him and was reminiscing on all that they went through. Here’s how part of the conversation went:

Luke: You ever hold someone in your arms.Hear them breathing against your chest. And you’re in one emotional place and they’re in another and you have absolutely no idea what they’re thinking?

Claire:  It’s called having a boyfriend.

I had to stop and rewind that scene because those lines hit home for me. Even though Claire was being funny, she was on point as it relates to trying to understand your significant other. I know what it feels like to feel like the person that you are with really isn’t in tune to how you are feeling. Your feelings for this person are so strong and you are in this moment with them and you are physically close because of your embrace but mentally, the two of you couldn’t be further apart. There is a disconnect and you lie there wondering how did you guys get to this point and is there any coming back from it.

There were many instances where I felt this way with the last guy I was seeing. My feelings ran deep and it just felt like no matter what I said or did, it wasn’t resonating with him the way everything he did resonated with me. It was like looking at a blank canvas sometimes because I couldn’t tell if we were on the same page or if he felt anything real for me at all. It was frustrating being with someone who didn’t seem to care one way or the other about my feelings because instead of seeing the love and pain that lied deep within myself reflected in his eyes, I saw nothing. Over time, I became fed up and started to mimic his behavior and that included disconnecting from him. Less intimate touches and embraces but more importantly, I no longer tried to understand what was going on inside of his head and didn’t care what he thought about my lack of emotion. Talking soon ceased and I stopped initiating contact with him.  The physical disconnect finally reflected the mental disconnect that had lingered between us for as long as I could remember. Even though it took a minute to realize that this wasn’t healthy, it taught me a lot about myself. Some of us tend to keep pushing and trying to figure their partner out but when someone has checked out of the relationship, there is nothing you can do. You end up become a watered down version of yourself putting more time and effort into a situation and the actions are not being reciprocated. It took a series of disappointments and withdrawal from both sides to realize that we were stagnant and it was best to leave before I ended up becoming “disconnected” permanently.  Every lesson is a blessing and this experience taught me that sharing a real connection with your significant other is essential for the relationship to grow and thrive. Disconnection leads to disappointment so make sure you address those behaviors before it’s too late. Now that I know better, I’ll do better in my next relationship. Hopefully it will be the last! fingers crossed

 

Let me know what you think by liking/commenting/sharing! I’m trying to post at least 3x a week so stay tuned for my next post coming tomorrow. Much love to you all!

 

Always remember to love and live luxuriously!

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Self(ie) Discovery Series

 
Good Morning! Over the past week, I was thinking about an activity I could do that would be creative, fun and most importantly, eye opening for myself as well as everyone involved. I was on Instagram looking for inspiration and what I found were selfies lol…. Celeb selfies (Rihanna and Nicki Minaj to name a few), selfies of folks with their kids, beautiful background location selfies and while I enjoyed looking at all of them, I couldn’t think of how taking selfies would help someone to become a more confident person. People usually take selfies when they are in a good mood so confidence is already there for them at that moment. But then I started thinking: What IF we took a pic of ourselves at various moments of the day whether whether we are smiling it not? They say a picture is worth a thousand words and are there to capture a moment in time whether it’s good or bad so why not take a pic of yourself and explain your current situation. The picture may conjure up negative emotions but those have to be handled for you to truly enjoy the amazing things in store. Faking a smile for Instagram may fool others but you have to be honest to the one person that truly matters: Yourself. 

This particular picture is one I took a few minutes ago while I was stuck in traffic on my way to work. I’ve been very vocal about my dislike for my morning job but this pic is how I feel on most days while I’m there. I fake a smile got the customers and enjoy talking to some of the associates but for the most part, I’m over it and I know a lot of it has to do with me not feeling like I’m not where I’m supposed to be. I know this is only a pit stop and not my final destination but I need to make moves FAST because I want more for myself and my life. 

My goal for the self(ie) discovery series is for everyone who participates to grow and learn from the moments they capture. At the end of the day, the experiences you go through make you who you are so focus on getting to where you want to be by being honest with yourself and making the proper adjustments. Can’t wait to see everyone’s selfies!
Always remember to love and live luxuriously!

Unapologetic(on my Rihanna ish!)

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Been listening to Rihanna’s new album a lot lately…I actually purchased it and I DON’T buy albums like that lol but I like most of the songs on it especially Phresh Off The Runway, Love Without Tragedy/Mother Mary and Looooove Song(minus Future’s part!)

I think the reason why her album speaks to me so much its because she’s a mess and not afraid to admit it…from the songs about her and Chris Brown(especially the duet they did together) she’s letting the world know that she has fucked up and she isn’t sorry because it’s her life. For the first time in a long time, she’s vulnerable without playing the victim. You can be the good guy in some situations and the bad guy in others but know that it’s YOU that has to live with every decision you make. The world may never understand what’s going on in her head(I stopped trying a long time ago) but she is living her life with no regrets and I respect her for that.

Never apologize when you aren’t sorry…I’m definitely not sorry for anything that has happened because without those experiences, I wouldn’t be here today 🙂 

Love.Live.Life.

Love: Chris Brown/Rihanna/Karruche Love triangle

I didn’t want to tackle this love triangle at first because I knew that every gossip/relationship blog would be talking about this for the next few months but I have very strong opinions on their issues especially since they are public figures so I had to put my two cents in…well more like a quarter cause I have a lot to say but you know what I mean!

Okay let me start off with Chris and Rihanna. After the whole domestic violence incident and Rihanna throwing him under the bus for publicity, I assumed that he would be shamed forever and she would move on. This proved not to be the case and rumors of them creeping around have been going on for months now. After the restraining order was lifted, it seems as if they didn’t give a damn and felt like they could do whatever. Unfortunately they can’t get away with creeping because of the paparazzi and what not…just not happening

Throw Chris Brown’s former girlfriend Karruche in the mix( I’m not gonna butcher her name like most bloggers do because she’s been through enough!) seeing the train wreck the public has been exposed to and so much more…having Rihanna throw shade in songs at her (sweeter than the rice cake) and having her mentions flooded with Chris Brown fans and random people who felt like she was an opportunist with no talent. To add to all of this misery, Chris is just doing whatever and she is letting him get away with it is crazy to me!  As soon as the “Birthday Cake” remix was released, that would have been my sign to exit this relationship because it is obvious that they still deal with each other on a personal level.

It seems like both Rihanna and Karruche have issues letting go of Chris. It took Chris to publicly humiliate both of them for them to leave (battered pics of Rihanna leaked all over the internet and video of him being in love with 2 women for Karruche to get the point) and 3 years later, Rihanna ends up back in his arms…literally! Now I’m not saying he’s going to lay hands on her up again or anything like that but obviously they had issues way before the incident occurred. Forgiving someone is one thing, that is what you have to do to move on but to go back to the person is giving a chance for history to repeat itself.  Rihanna and Karruche deserve to be happy but I think that they need to find it within themselves, not in someone who shows no stability or security.  For any ladies who are going through something similar: You have to do better! Let him go because going back doesn’t lead to growth. You will remain stagnant in the relationship which will affect other areas of your life. Love is a powerful feeling and it isn’t logical but loving yourself first is what is most important and will help you focus on what is most important. The moral of the story: Move forward to the future and leave the past in the past.