Being Brutally Honest With Myself

I know it’s been a minute but I had a lot of things to get off my chest so forgive me if this post is a bit all over the place but I wanted it to be read in its purest and rawest form without trying to sound perfect or profound. I’ve been MIA for a lot of reasons mainly because I was feeling uninspired/unmotivated/depressed/down on my luck, etc. I wanted to present the best version of myself and I felt that until I could do that, I was going to stay away from blogging and mainly lurk on social media with the occasional snap or ig flick. As a result, I gained social media envy and just felt like my whole life was a complete failure compared to that of my former classmates, family, friends and influencers. I knew deep down inside that you can’t take everything on social media at face value and that people usually  present the best versions of themselves but I still allowed it to control the way I felt about my life and all the losses that had occurred.  At the end of last year, I started going to therapy after my grandmother died because I was feeling lost and unsettled. My life felt like it was in shambles and I had no control over it. I was at a job that I didn’t like and I felt like I was settling and being complacent. My therapist made me realize that I had to take a leap of faith to see change so I decided the first thing that I had to let go of was the comfort and security of my job.  I left my full-time job to follow my dreams of being an entrepreneur (social media marketing maven/blogger) but those old feelings of inadequacy came creeping back in. Though I was gung-ho at the beginning of the year and initial launch of “Amore Luxe Media”, the energy and steam wore off when I didn’t receive immediate results and the cycle of feeling uninspired and unmotivated started yet again. What made it worse was that I didn’t have a good excuse to not try harder. My closest friends were making moves, taking chances and pushing themselves past their comfort zones. They were living their lives unapologetically and even though sacrifices had to be made, they knew that the result would be worth it. If you watch the hit HBO show, Insecure, I felt like I was Issa and Issa is me. She was the one in the group of her friends that was at a job that didn’t fulfill her and was watching her life spin into chaos while the ones closest to her were living their best lives. I didn’t wanna be the “Issa” of the group so I had to have a brutally honest conversation with myself to figure out what to do to not suck in life lol

 

The “Insecure” scene that changed everything .I REFUSE to be the Issa in my group of friends 😂 😂😂

I came to the conclusion that I need to set out specific goals for myself, attack them ONE at a time and be consistent and persistent. I am the type of person who expects to see instant results instead of being patient and continuing to put the work in even when I may feel like wanting to give up or feel like I am heading towards failure. Between watching Oprah and Will Smith inspirational videos, I’ve learned that failure is inevitable but it is how you handle to  that makes you a true contender in life. I was running away from my challenges in fear of failure and not attempting to give it my all is worse than any feeling that failure brings. I know that it’s a journey and it’s going to have its bumps and battles but giving up can no longer be an option. Excuses no longer cut it and while perfection is ideal, it shouldn’t be the main focus of everything that I set out to do. In order to live, I have to learn and embrace whatever is coming my way. I am strong enough to fight the battles and smart enough to know that failure or rejection isn’t the end but just another challenge I have to overcome to get what it is that I dream of. I have so much that I want to accomplish and normally I would list it all but for now, I’m keeping a few things to myself and will share them with you all as I make them happen.

  “You don’t become what you want, you become what you believe.”

     ― Oprah Winfrey

 

“Fear is not real. The only place that fear can exist is in our thoughts of the future. It is a product of our imagination, causing us to fear things that do not at present and may not ever exist. That is near insanity. Do not misunderstand me danger is very real but fear is a choice.”

― Will Smith

 

For those who have supported me since “The Angielala Experience” days, I love you and I appreciate everything from the positive feedback, constructive critiques and every like/share/comment on social media. I am still in the process on what direction I want “Amore Luxe” to go in because I feel like it’s all over the place at the moment but I know that I still want confidence to be the focus and I hope that this post and all that follow it inspire and urge my readers to take chances to make the necessary changes in life.  I know it’s tough but you can do it and I believe in you just as much as you believe in me and going forth, I promise that I will make sure to provide content that will help you be the best you. Let me know what you think about this post by liking/commenting/sharing. Much love to you all and always remember to love and live luxuriously!

 

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Shattering My Rose Colored Glasses

Good Morning! I am back with another post like I promised (go me!) and this topic came naturally to me. I started thinking about what “epiphany” moment has had the biggest impact on my life in 2018 so far and I realized it was when I finally got through my head that just because I see the potential in someone and want more from that person, that doesn’t mean that the potential will come to fruition.  When it comes to others thoughts and actions, I need to see them for who they are and not who I want or imagine them to be. In other words, I need to take off the rose-colored glasses that are blocking my vision and my grip on reality. Before I discuss my epiphany moment, let me give you guys some back story!

There was this guy I was seeing for a minute ( 4 years to be exact!) before I broke things off at the end of 2015. I’ve talked about him in earlier posts so I won’t get into all of that but we wanted different things and I didn’t wanna settle I ended it. I spent 4 years of my time with him in a “situationship” that he was content with but as I approached 30, I wanted more so I ended it and thought he would just disappear or stay cool from a distance.  That’s not what he wanted so he was persistent as far as keeping the lines of communication open with me for all of 2016.  Finally in the summer of 2017, I figured I would give him a chance on a trial basis (well trial basis in my mind!) since his persistence meant that he may be ready for the changes that I wanted to happen in our relationship.  I told myself that I would give him 2 months to show me that things would be different and even though I knew better, I still had hope well more like I was still wearing my rose-colored glasses and wanted to see something more than what was really there. 2 months passed and things started going back to the way they were and I WAS NOT having it! I cut it off as soon as I felt like we were slipping back into the same routine and we started this pattern of him lingering around again. Finally a few weeks ago when I last saw him, I tested him (again this test was never said aloud!) to see if there was a glimmer of hope (those rose-colored glasses had me creating delusions of grandeur lol) and asked him for a simple favor that he couldn’t do. Something that would show that I was a priority instead of an option and after all the persistence and waiting around, he still couldn’t match up to the potential that I foolishly insisted was there. It was then in that moment that my rose-colored glasses were shattered and even though he couldn’t see them break, the actions that followed (me politely walking him out) showed that this time, I could see him for who he really was and although he isn’t a terrible guy, he is definitely not the guy for me. I was no longer blinded by the “potential” or “hope” that hindered me from moving on completely and since that day, I’ve never looked back.

In that “epiphany”moment, I felt liberated and it didn’t take me crying my eyes out or going through a long drawn out conversation where I remix what I’ve said in the past to try to convince him that my feelings were valid. None of it mattered anymore because when I realized I wasn’t valued the way I should have been, everything else was irrelevant.  I didn’t discuss my issues with my friends because they weren’t wearing the glasses so their vision was crystal clear. You can’t fully see things from another person’s perspective with the rose-colored glasses on. The glasses give you a false sense of reality. This doesn’t just apply to relationships but for any situation when you make excuses or pretend that things aren’t as bad as they are. The truth is distorted, your vision is blocked and when this occurs, you become stagnant and passive when you should be moving forward and assert yourself especially when it comes to things in your life that you have control over. Shattering the glasses can take time but when you do, you will realize how much power you have over your own life and will be able to make better decisions in the future.  With the destruction of those rose-colored glasses led the creation of a new life for myself. One where not only am I a priority to someone else but most importantly, making myself a priority in my life.

One of the first things on my list of doing right by myself is to constantly promote Amore Luxe Media (see what I did there!) If you haven’t heard about my new social media company, scroll down to the previous post or click on the Amore Luxe Media tab at the top of the page to find out all about it. I hope you all make decisions that help you shatter the rose-colored glasses that may have blocked your true vision to your purpose! Please be sure to like/comment/share and look out for my next post coming Friday 🙂 Have a Happy Hump Day and always remember to love and live luxuriously!

New Year’s Eve Reflections

Trey, vacays and learning how to truly live: 2017 in a nutshell!

Good Evening! It has been over 6 months since my last post and there is a very good reason for that: I really didn’t know what I wanted to do with “Amore Luxe” or if I even wanted to blog anymore. I feel like I have been pretty honest with you guys as it relates to what’s going on in my life and my feelings about everything but for the past couple of years, it just feels like I have gone through the motions and living life with no real passion or purpose. I still wanted to help others be the best versions of themselves by sharing my stories and experiences but because I wasn’t in a good place mentally, I was just going with the flow instead of finding new experiences that would help me feel more confident in myself and give me the passion and fulfillment that I craved.  My full-time job as a Director of a daycare center wasn’t what I envisioned for myself and as a result, I felt like a failure.  I wasn’t being an entrepreneur I feel that I am destined to be because I felt stuck in a 9-5 position where I wasn’t growing or evolving. This brought about negative thoughts and feeling and because I was miserable, I wasn’t able to be the best version of myself for the children. parents and staff that depended on me. I would come home emotionally drained and dread doing the same thing the following days ahead.I knew that there was more to life than what I was experiencing and an epiphany moment right before Thanksgiving was the catalyst that helped me restart my life in a different direction and  led to me make a few life altering decisions.

I thought about where I was in life, where I wanted to be and what steps I would need to take to get there. I was at a job that I stumbled into instead of working hard to get to that position and while I was a diligent and reliable employee, that passion and purpose that I desperately needed wasn’t there and when I realized that, I knew I had to move on.  I decided that December 22nd would be my last day because I didn’t want to start 2018 in the same space physically or mentally. After making that step, I knew I would have to figure out how to supplement unemployment with other sources of income. I manage social media platforms for businesses on the side and help college students with their essays/terms/thesis papers and plan on promoting these hustles more because it is something that is flexible and beneficial as it relates to what I want to do with my life. The last step was getting my mind right. I lost my paternal grandmother in October and her death added to the deaths of my other grandparents and father in the past few years was a breaking point emotionally. I just felt like I had no control over anything in life and didn’t know how to properly cope with the fear of that. I finally womaned up (lol) and decided to go to therapy. While I never judged anyone that chose to seek counseling, I always thought that I would have to be suicidal or at rock bottom in general to even consider talking to someone about my issues. I don’t have a problem sharing my issues with others but I always thought that in itself was therapy and I could fix things by just thinking positively and hoping for the best. When that failed time and time again, I felt like therapy was the only way out because I didn’t want things to get any worse than they already were before I got myself together. It turns out that therapy was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. I am able to talk to an objective source about my life and my issues and receive feedback from someone who knows what they are talking about and does not judge based on someone’s current circumstances. My therapist helped me understand that a lot of my issues stem from things I never really dealt with in the past. I would talk about whatever was bothering me with someone and then that would be it. I would push it in the back of my mind and try not to think about it instead of tackling my emotions head on and being okay with things not being okay. I hate silence unless I am reading or doing work so sitting there for a minute or two and absorbing what had been said. It was a different approach to handling my issues and it has proven itself to helpful in all areas of my life.

Now that I’m in a better space mentally, I want to also work on the physical so I plan on joining a gym within the next couple of days. I feel like this is the perfect time to do so not only because of all the New Year’s promotions going on but I have the free time to commit to it and can also work on eating healthy to make sure that I will be in the best shape of my life! I’ll be honest with you guys, I am still unsure of exactly what direction I want to go with the site but it will still be confidence based but I’m in more of a vlogging than blogging space so expect more Snapchat/Instagram videos that will be reposted on here in addition to live chats and a podcast that I’m working on with a friend of mine 😉

2017 was a transition year for me and I am looking forward to the new beginnings that 2018 has in store for my life. Thank you so much for your support and always remember to love and live luxuriously!

 

 

Eliminating Negative Energy

Good Morning! Still working on this consistent posting thing lol  but I do have something that I wanna talk about that has weighed on my mind for the past few days that I wanted to share with you guys. As I was scrolling through my Instagram feed, I stopped on a post by Cardi B of Love and Hip Hop fame (I think her posts are so entertaining so don’t judge me!) and she posted a pic of herself in a unique outfit and most of the comments were giving her praise posting things like:

girl you are working it!

beautiful!

heart emoji

big smiley emoji

kiss emoji

You get the picture!

Unfortunately, one person decided to write a comment that had nothing to do with the actual picture but choosing to comment instead on a rumor going around about her dumping a rapper she’s been seeing because he was going to charge her to be featured on a song of hers. Never mind that the rumor wasn’t true but it must have upset her so much that this was the ONLY comment that she replied to. Out of hundreds of positive comments/praise,  she chose to respond to the ONE person that brought negativity to her page and responded with anger saying something like:

“B-word” you don’t know what you’re talking about!

In that moment, I realized that many of us do the same thing on and offline and what starts out as being something positive and uplifting has turned into anger or resentment that weighs the soul down.

Instead of focusing on the “likes” or positive things happening in our lives, we choose to focus and respond to the negative; who doesn’t like us or why we don’t have this or that and dwelling on all the negative circumstances draws more negative energy our way.  You are what  you attract and instead of being concerned with that type of energy in the form of unnecessary criticism, harsh judgment or opinions that do not add to your life, focus on the people and things that make you happy and bring joy to  your day. Now I am not saying that there needs to be people who compliment you 24/7 to feed your ego or confidence but being around people who see the best in you and want the best for you is the easiest way to attract the things you want. If there are people in your life that focus more on the negative than the positive, you  may need to reevaluate these connections and find others that are like-minded and will help you in your journey to being the best version of  yourself. It is easier said than done but your peace of mind will thank you later for it;)

I’m working on being the best version of myself this summer by starting a 45 day fitness journey with a few of my friends, reading/listening to inspirational and motivational books/speeches, participating in a 90 day workshop with a group of inspiring and motivated women who also want to work on themselves and doing a bit of traveling for fun and celebration! Needless to say, I will have a lot to discuss in upcoming posts so make sure you always come back here to see what I am up to! Look forward to sharing my journey with you this summer and beyond!

Take care and always remember to love and live luxuriously!