Wisdom Wednesday: Getting My Mind Right Again

Good Morning! I planned on posting on Monday about my weekend and a men only discussion panel that I went to with friends on Saturday but things didn’t go as planned. I didn’t have the time to work on the post and properly articulate my thoughts so I pushed it to the back of my mind and focused on the tasks at hand. It wasn’t until I was on hold with my bank (who I need to get rid of but that’s another story!) that I was becoming inconsistent once again with posting but unlike in the past, I had a lot to say but didn’t have the time to sit down, reflect on my day/week and just take a breather so that I could get in the right frame of mind to be able to create quality content. In other words, I needed to give myself some time to just relax and get my mind right.

When I was in a stagnant place financially and career wise, I kept asking God to make changes in my life so I could get to where I wanted to be. I wanted to be motivated enough to go after what I wanted and I wanted to acquire new clients for “Amore Luxe Media” so I could have the funds I needed to do the things that would help me achieve my goals. God answered my prayers but I wasn’t prepared for what he had in store! In 3 months time, I started a podcast with my homie, started posting consistently on “Amore Luxe”, went back to working at the daycare center in a solely administrative role AND acquired 3 consistent new clients and a few others. Needless to say, I felt blessed but overwhelmed. My days consist of doing light paperwork at the daycare and working on various assignments for my clients. Once a week, I head out to NYC to record the podcast with my homie DJ (visit http://www.weekendfriendz.com for more information on how to listen!) as well as my weekly therapy sessions on Wednesdays which are helpful but can be an inconvenience with my already busy schedule. In the midst of all of that, I joined the gym and wanted to go at least twice a week after work to get in shape but so far, that hasn’t been working out. My brain is fried and I feel tired and overwhelmed. While I am thankful that I am no longer unmotivated or feeling stagnant, I feel like I am being pulled at both ends and even though I try to plan my schedule accordingly, I just feel like there’s not enough time in the day to do all of the things I want to do. I started feeling anxious about everything and decided instead of going down that rabbit hole of worry and self-doubt, I needed to take a moment to myself to get my mind and spirit right so I can be the best version of myself when finishing all of these tasks. Doing this was easier said than done but it was absolutely necessary.

First, I had what I like to call a “mini meditation moment”. I sat down, closed my eyes and inhaled/exhaled for about 5 minutes. After I have my moment to myself, I recited positive affirmations to myself (“You got this” “You are capable of doing anything you put your mind to” etc.) and watched YouTube videos . Once I felt like I was in a better frame of mind, I focused on the most important task off of my list which was working on an assignment for one of my clients. After being satisfied with the amount of work I put in towards the assignment, I started getting ready for bed and settled in with enough time to have another mini meditation moment before going to sleep. I realized that while I work well under pressure, I am not a robot and need to take some “me time” in order to recalibrate and perform at the highest level. Everyone’s version of “me time” is different but these tips worked for me but regardless of what method/actions you take to get your mind right, make sure you do it because it is essential for your overall health and well-being!

I plan on talking about the men only discussion panel I attended in my next post on Friday so be on the lookout for that. Until then, make sure you continue to be the best version of yourself in all aspects of life and remember to love and live luxuriously!

Thick Girl Blues (Spanx Not Included!)

Me in 2008 and me in 2018…crazy right!

In the past, I’ve had writer’s block and I always used the excuse of not having anything going on in my life to write about. I realized that the issue wasn’t that I had run out of things to write about  but the real issue was because I put restrictions on my writing. I wanted my posts to focus on triumph and overcoming obstacles without actually discussing the process. For example, I wanted to post about having a healthier lifestyle without actually discussing where I am health wise now and what occurred in my  life to get to this point. Even though I am anxious to get to the finish line, I have to acknowledge what is happening in the present and be completely honest with my readers and most importantly, myself.

I’ve been considered “thin” ever since I could remember. I could eat what I wanted without gaining weight and although I didn’t have a super flat stomach, it was flat enough for me not to have to suck it in while putting on jeans and I could wear tight clothes without having the appearance of a pudge. Although I always wanted to be a bit thicker especially when I was younger and was teased for being skinny, I eventually came to terms that I would never be super curvaceous and I was okay with that for the most part. When I turned 30 though, things started to change.

I started gaining weight slowly but surely. It wasn’t that noticeable to anyone but I could see the difference. My clothes started to fit a bit tighter and I went up a bra size but it was still manageable and because I was still technically thin, it wasn’t a big deal. However, between the Summer/Fall of 2017 and Winter 2018, it’s like my body went through a crazy change and I put on an extra 15 pounds which hit my boobs, stomach and thighs the hardest. Leggings didn’t look as good on me anymore in a size small and although my favorite pair of jeans still fit because they were super stretchy, holes developed in the thigh area from rubbing together. I came to find out that a lot of thicker women have this problem but I always had a thigh gap so I was oblivious to this issue. My boobs went up another size and although I’m still small compared to a lot of my friends, I’m definitely not flat chested like I was in my younger years. This new body that felt like it came out of nowhere was foreign to me and I wasn’t completely comfortable in my own skin anymore. I had to buy new jeans, bras and even a pair of Spanx because with the new weight in my boobs and thighs came an unwanted present in my stomach area in the form of a pudge/gut whatever you want to call it!  I know that a lot of women gain weight as they get older but my mother was always small and so are many of the women in my family so I felt like an oddball of sorts. I can’t say that anyone made me feel bad about my weight because I’ve received a lot of compliments on how good the weight gain looked on me and when I did the 10 year challenge (as seen in the pic above) I realized that the extra weight makes me look more mature and womanly. Even though most of my old clothes don’ fit me anymore, I do like the fact that the new clothes I’ve bought enhance my curves and make me feel sexy/cute/mature etc. depending on what I’m wearing. With that being said, although I don’t want to go back to the size that I was in my 20’s, I do want to be fit and more toned and for that to happen, I have to eat better and exercise more. I walk a lot but I eat terribly (dairy, pasta, bread and rice are my weaknesses!) and I don’t drink enough water (can’t stand the taste or lack thereof!) I’ve been on diets, cleanses and changed my eating habits but usually around the 2 week mark, I give up. I know it’s mind over matter but I haven’t been completely ready mentally yet to let go of comfort foods and bad habits in order to get to my goal of being slim/thick lol

This post is definitely not a pity party cause I do work with what I have and I like what I see for the most part when I look in the mirror at my shape. I am not at the love stage yet and I know that diet and exercise aren’t the only things that have to change for me to completely embrace the new me. I have to stop comparing myself to others (especially on social media) and while it is good to always work on yourself, being overly critical will keep negative energy around me and I definitely don’t need that. I always say that I am a work in progress and when I get this whole healthy lifestyle journey together, I will definitely share it with you guys! If you have any suggestions on what has worked for you, let me know in the comments:)

I’ll be back on Friday with a new post but until then be sure to love and live luxuriously!

Wisdom Wednesday: Priority vs. Option

priorityoptioneditGood Afternoon! I told myself that 2016 would be different in many ways. I would stay on my grind and make sure that nothing takes my focus off what I want to do and where I want to be in the next few years. In order for me to do that, I’d have to drop distractions that  hold me back from my goals and that includes the dead-end “situationship” that I was in for 4 years. I would often ask myself how did I get to a point where I was willing to settle for things I didn’t want or deserve solely because I was afraid of losing someone who I fell so hard for. I ended up losing someone and it wasn’t the man I was in love with but the person I should have focused on first in my life: ME.

My “epiphany” moment came from Facebook surprisingly enough. I saw a list that one of my friends posted that was titled “15 signs you are an option not a priority in a relationship. When I went through the list and thought about the signs that applied to our situation, I realized that most of them (11 to be exact) were signs that I simply ignored or was too blinded by my feelings to see the reality of the situation. Two signs that really stuck out was lying about insignificant things and acting secretive and/or suspicious. These were issues that I always had with the man I was involved with and it really bothered me because I consider myself to be a pretty honest person who wears their heart on their sleeve. It baffled me that the person that I was so crazy about didn’t feel comfortable or secure enough to do the same with me. I expressed this multiple times but it seemed pointless because he wasn’t willing to open himself up to me in that way. I realized that even though I would voice my frustrations and complain, my actions did not match my words. I still put up with things I didn’t agree with and still allowed him to treat me as an option instead of a priority. It wasn’t until that moment when I started to see things as they are instead of how I imagined them to be.

When I started becoming distant physically and mentally, that was when he finally understood that I was serious. Unfortunately, that wasn’t enough for him to want to change his ways and it was in that instant that I realized that you can’t say or do anything to make anyone want to change. Change comes from within and this is where I always failed in my past relationships. I thought that if I was patient and loving enough, the man would see this and want to change so he wouldn’t lose me. This was not the case. Instead, I would be the one going through all the changes and end up compromising or giving in completely so I wouldn’t rock the boat. Bitterness and anger built up inside and when I finally reached my breaking point, he was blindsided. The boat had finally been rocked!

I have no regrets about our situation. I realize that I have patterns that have been harmful to my emotional growth and well-being and I need to work on myself before I consider getting into another relationship. I remember hearing the saying “Treat others in the way you want to be treated” . I agree with this but I also think that I need to treat myself the way I want to be treated. That means leaving a dead-end situation before getting in too deep, making sure that I’m being true to myself and what I want out of my life and most importantly, only allowing myself to be treated as a priority, never an option.

Always remember to love and live luxuriously!