In the past, I’ve had writer’s block and I always used the excuse of not having anything going on in my life to write about. I realized that the issue wasn’t that I had run out of things to write about but the real issue was because I put restrictions on my writing. I wanted my posts to focus on triumph and overcoming obstacles without actually discussing the process. For example, I wanted to post about having a healthier lifestyle without actually discussing where I am health wise now and what occurred in my life to get to this point. Even though I am anxious to get to the finish line, I have to acknowledge what is happening in the present and be completely honest with my readers and most importantly, myself.
I’ve been considered “thin” ever since I could remember. I could eat what I wanted without gaining weight and although I didn’t have a super flat stomach, it was flat enough for me not to have to suck it in while putting on jeans and I could wear tight clothes without having the appearance of a pudge. Although I always wanted to be a bit thicker especially when I was younger and was teased for being skinny, I eventually came to terms that I would never be super curvaceous and I was okay with that for the most part. When I turned 30 though, things started to change.
I started gaining weight slowly but surely. It wasn’t that noticeable to anyone but I could see the difference. My clothes started to fit a bit tighter and I went up a bra size but it was still manageable and because I was still technically thin, it wasn’t a big deal. However, between the Summer/Fall of 2017 and Winter 2018, it’s like my body went through a crazy change and I put on an extra 15 pounds which hit my boobs, stomach and thighs the hardest. Leggings didn’t look as good on me anymore in a size small and although my favorite pair of jeans still fit because they were super stretchy, holes developed in the thigh area from rubbing together. I came to find out that a lot of thicker women have this problem but I always had a thigh gap so I was oblivious to this issue. My boobs went up another size and although I’m still small compared to a lot of my friends, I’m definitely not flat chested like I was in my younger years. This new body that felt like it came out of nowhere was foreign to me and I wasn’t completely comfortable in my own skin anymore. I had to buy new jeans, bras and even a pair of Spanx because with the new weight in my boobs and thighs came an unwanted present in my stomach area in the form of a pudge/gut whatever you want to call it! I know that a lot of women gain weight as they get older but my mother was always small and so are many of the women in my family so I felt like an oddball of sorts. I can’t say that anyone made me feel bad about my weight because I’ve received a lot of compliments on how good the weight gain looked on me and when I did the 10 year challenge (as seen in the pic above) I realized that the extra weight makes me look more mature and womanly. Even though most of my old clothes don’ fit me anymore, I do like the fact that the new clothes I’ve bought enhance my curves and make me feel sexy/cute/mature etc. depending on what I’m wearing. With that being said, although I don’t want to go back to the size that I was in my 20’s, I do want to be fit and more toned and for that to happen, I have to eat better and exercise more. I walk a lot but I eat terribly (dairy, pasta, bread and rice are my weaknesses!) and I don’t drink enough water (can’t stand the taste or lack thereof!) I’ve been on diets, cleanses and changed my eating habits but usually around the 2 week mark, I give up. I know it’s mind over matter but I haven’t been completely ready mentally yet to let go of comfort foods and bad habits in order to get to my goal of being slim/thick lol
This post is definitely not a pity party cause I do work with what I have and I like what I see for the most part when I look in the mirror at my shape. I am not at the love stage yet and I know that diet and exercise aren’t the only things that have to change for me to completely embrace the new me. I have to stop comparing myself to others (especially on social media) and while it is good to always work on yourself, being overly critical will keep negative energy around me and I definitely don’t need that. I always say that I am a work in progress and when I get this whole healthy lifestyle journey together, I will definitely share it with you guys! If you have any suggestions on what has worked for you, let me know in the comments:)
I’ll be back on Friday with a new post but until then be sure to love and live luxuriously!