Being Brutally Honest With Myself

I know it’s been a minute but I had a lot of things to get off my chest so forgive me if this post is a bit all over the place but I wanted it to be read in its purest and rawest form without trying to sound perfect or profound. I’ve been MIA for a lot of reasons mainly because I was feeling uninspired/unmotivated/depressed/down on my luck, etc. I wanted to present the best version of myself and I felt that until I could do that, I was going to stay away from blogging and mainly lurk on social media with the occasional snap or ig flick. As a result, I gained social media envy and just felt like my whole life was a complete failure compared to that of my former classmates, family, friends and influencers. I knew deep down inside that you can’t take everything on social media at face value and that people usually  present the best versions of themselves but I still allowed it to control the way I felt about my life and all the losses that had occurred.  At the end of last year, I started going to therapy after my grandmother died because I was feeling lost and unsettled. My life felt like it was in shambles and I had no control over it. I was at a job that I didn’t like and I felt like I was settling and being complacent. My therapist made me realize that I had to take a leap of faith to see change so I decided the first thing that I had to let go of was the comfort and security of my job.  I left my full-time job to follow my dreams of being an entrepreneur (social media marketing maven/blogger) but those old feelings of inadequacy came creeping back in. Though I was gung-ho at the beginning of the year and initial launch of “Amore Luxe Media”, the energy and steam wore off when I didn’t receive immediate results and the cycle of feeling uninspired and unmotivated started yet again. What made it worse was that I didn’t have a good excuse to not try harder. My closest friends were making moves, taking chances and pushing themselves past their comfort zones. They were living their lives unapologetically and even though sacrifices had to be made, they knew that the result would be worth it. If you watch the hit HBO show, Insecure, I felt like I was Issa and Issa is me. She was the one in the group of her friends that was at a job that didn’t fulfill her and was watching her life spin into chaos while the ones closest to her were living their best lives. I didn’t wanna be the “Issa” of the group so I had to have a brutally honest conversation with myself to figure out what to do to not suck in life lol

 

The “Insecure” scene that changed everything .I REFUSE to be the Issa in my group of friends 😂 😂😂

I came to the conclusion that I need to set out specific goals for myself, attack them ONE at a time and be consistent and persistent. I am the type of person who expects to see instant results instead of being patient and continuing to put the work in even when I may feel like wanting to give up or feel like I am heading towards failure. Between watching Oprah and Will Smith inspirational videos, I’ve learned that failure is inevitable but it is how you handle to  that makes you a true contender in life. I was running away from my challenges in fear of failure and not attempting to give it my all is worse than any feeling that failure brings. I know that it’s a journey and it’s going to have its bumps and battles but giving up can no longer be an option. Excuses no longer cut it and while perfection is ideal, it shouldn’t be the main focus of everything that I set out to do. In order to live, I have to learn and embrace whatever is coming my way. I am strong enough to fight the battles and smart enough to know that failure or rejection isn’t the end but just another challenge I have to overcome to get what it is that I dream of. I have so much that I want to accomplish and normally I would list it all but for now, I’m keeping a few things to myself and will share them with you all as I make them happen.

  “You don’t become what you want, you become what you believe.”

     ― Oprah Winfrey

 

“Fear is not real. The only place that fear can exist is in our thoughts of the future. It is a product of our imagination, causing us to fear things that do not at present and may not ever exist. That is near insanity. Do not misunderstand me danger is very real but fear is a choice.”

― Will Smith

 

For those who have supported me since “The Angielala Experience” days, I love you and I appreciate everything from the positive feedback, constructive critiques and every like/share/comment on social media. I am still in the process on what direction I want “Amore Luxe” to go in because I feel like it’s all over the place at the moment but I know that I still want confidence to be the focus and I hope that this post and all that follow it inspire and urge my readers to take chances to make the necessary changes in life.  I know it’s tough but you can do it and I believe in you just as much as you believe in me and going forth, I promise that I will make sure to provide content that will help you be the best you. Let me know what you think about this post by liking/commenting/sharing. Much love to you all and always remember to love and live luxuriously!

 

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New Year’s Eve Reflections

Trey, vacays and learning how to truly live: 2017 in a nutshell!

Good Evening! It has been over 6 months since my last post and there is a very good reason for that: I really didn’t know what I wanted to do with “Amore Luxe” or if I even wanted to blog anymore. I feel like I have been pretty honest with you guys as it relates to what’s going on in my life and my feelings about everything but for the past couple of years, it just feels like I have gone through the motions and living life with no real passion or purpose. I still wanted to help others be the best versions of themselves by sharing my stories and experiences but because I wasn’t in a good place mentally, I was just going with the flow instead of finding new experiences that would help me feel more confident in myself and give me the passion and fulfillment that I craved.  My full-time job as a Director of a daycare center wasn’t what I envisioned for myself and as a result, I felt like a failure.  I wasn’t being an entrepreneur I feel that I am destined to be because I felt stuck in a 9-5 position where I wasn’t growing or evolving. This brought about negative thoughts and feeling and because I was miserable, I wasn’t able to be the best version of myself for the children. parents and staff that depended on me. I would come home emotionally drained and dread doing the same thing the following days ahead.I knew that there was more to life than what I was experiencing and an epiphany moment right before Thanksgiving was the catalyst that helped me restart my life in a different direction and  led to me make a few life altering decisions.

I thought about where I was in life, where I wanted to be and what steps I would need to take to get there. I was at a job that I stumbled into instead of working hard to get to that position and while I was a diligent and reliable employee, that passion and purpose that I desperately needed wasn’t there and when I realized that, I knew I had to move on.  I decided that December 22nd would be my last day because I didn’t want to start 2018 in the same space physically or mentally. After making that step, I knew I would have to figure out how to supplement unemployment with other sources of income. I manage social media platforms for businesses on the side and help college students with their essays/terms/thesis papers and plan on promoting these hustles more because it is something that is flexible and beneficial as it relates to what I want to do with my life. The last step was getting my mind right. I lost my paternal grandmother in October and her death added to the deaths of my other grandparents and father in the past few years was a breaking point emotionally. I just felt like I had no control over anything in life and didn’t know how to properly cope with the fear of that. I finally womaned up (lol) and decided to go to therapy. While I never judged anyone that chose to seek counseling, I always thought that I would have to be suicidal or at rock bottom in general to even consider talking to someone about my issues. I don’t have a problem sharing my issues with others but I always thought that in itself was therapy and I could fix things by just thinking positively and hoping for the best. When that failed time and time again, I felt like therapy was the only way out because I didn’t want things to get any worse than they already were before I got myself together. It turns out that therapy was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. I am able to talk to an objective source about my life and my issues and receive feedback from someone who knows what they are talking about and does not judge based on someone’s current circumstances. My therapist helped me understand that a lot of my issues stem from things I never really dealt with in the past. I would talk about whatever was bothering me with someone and then that would be it. I would push it in the back of my mind and try not to think about it instead of tackling my emotions head on and being okay with things not being okay. I hate silence unless I am reading or doing work so sitting there for a minute or two and absorbing what had been said. It was a different approach to handling my issues and it has proven itself to helpful in all areas of my life.

Now that I’m in a better space mentally, I want to also work on the physical so I plan on joining a gym within the next couple of days. I feel like this is the perfect time to do so not only because of all the New Year’s promotions going on but I have the free time to commit to it and can also work on eating healthy to make sure that I will be in the best shape of my life! I’ll be honest with you guys, I am still unsure of exactly what direction I want to go with the site but it will still be confidence based but I’m in more of a vlogging than blogging space so expect more Snapchat/Instagram videos that will be reposted on here in addition to live chats and a podcast that I’m working on with a friend of mine 😉

2017 was a transition year for me and I am looking forward to the new beginnings that 2018 has in store for my life. Thank you so much for your support and always remember to love and live luxuriously!

 

 

I am not my hair…at least that’s what I keep telling myself!

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On the left: how I normally wear my hair On the right: the curly, wavy, poofy madness I’m currently rocking!

Good Afternoon! I knew that I was going to talk about my love/hate relationship with my hair since Sunday when I decided to wear my hair in its natural state. I haven’t had a relaxer since 2011 but I always wear my hair straight because it’s how I’ve worn my hair since I could remember. Whether it was a “doobie” (roller set hair that is taken out then wrapped around the head and secured with bobby pins) or a “silk press” (hair is flat ironed straight to look like relaxed hair), I have always rocked a sleek and polished style. I’ve worn other types of styles such as curly weaves and braids but I’ve never dared to wear my real hair in its natural state. After trying to manage my hair this summer with the heat and humidity and creating more heat damage as a result, I told myself that I would attempt to wear my hair in its natural state. So this past Sunday I shampooed and conditioned, then put two strand twists in my hair (well had my boss do it for me lol) and let it set overnight and took the two strand twists out the next morning and rocked the curl/wave that it made. When I took my hair out, the only way I could describe it is poofy lol! I wasn’t used to the increase in the volume of my hair and the curls were al over the place. I wasn’t sure if it looked bad or not but I knew I wasn’t comfortable with the style itself. It felt weird not embracing my natural hair and it made me feel like I was brainwashed by society because I feel inadequate unless my hair is straight and appears to be more manageable. I wanted my curls to look bouncy and lush like all the YouTube naturalists that I watch on a regular basis but I was left with undefined waves, curls and poofy madness! My hair wasn’t what I envisioned it to be but I wanted to get over my discomfort and rock this look so I have been for the past 3 days and slowly but surely, I’m embracing it!

I know that for many women of color, managing hair in its natural state is a process in itself because we have to find products that work with our hair type and texture as well as stay within a certain budget (hair products can get expensive!!!) and find the time to do our hair because it can take all day depending on the style. I don’t know if this is a look I can rock ALL the time but I’m definitely going to try to do it more often especially in the summer cause straightening my hair every few days isn’t an option for me. I’ll keep you guys in the loop with my progress 😉

Make sure you tune in tonight at 8pm EST because I will be live on Facebook. The topic is “Eliminating Limitations” and I will be discussing the limitations I’ve tried to eliminate including the ones related to appearance! Hope to see you all in the chat! Also, like/comment/share so we can spread the love and positivity! See you back here on Friday:)

 

Always remember to love and live luxuriously!

Fun Friday: My fave video of the moment!

f36c72b540a9677bd0c44b7e07a8b45bGood Afternoon! I’ve had a bit of writer’s block the past few days but I told myself that I would post as long as I felt that it would be inspiring and/or entertaining to my readers. I then remembered what day it was: Friday. It’s the end of a long work/school week and at my job as director/after school program supervisor, Friday becomes “Fun Friday”. It’s all about relaxing and having fun because the kids don’t do homework at the program on Fridays and are able to play with toys, do art projects or play games on their tablets instead. It’s a great way to end the week so I figured I could create a “Fun Friday” of my own on here! Every Friday, I’ll post something or someone who made me stop and smile/laugh in hopes that you will feel the same way!

This week, I was obsessed with watching a little 4-year-old boy dance on “Ellen”. He was dancing to a song called “Juju on That Beat” and while I was shaking my head at the title and lyrics (guess I’m showing my age!), I couldn’t stop smiling because not only could this little boy dance, but you could tell that he really enjoyed himself and would put on the same performance regardless of if anyone was watching. As adults, many of us worry about what others think of us so we are hesitant to say or do things that we feel will get a negative response from others. It’s hard to be true to yourself when you feel like you are always being analyzed and criticized but try to remember a time when you were young and didn’t really care about others opinions because you were happy and in your own little world. I’m not telling you to act like a child but capture the essence of the joy and carefree spirit that kids have and spread it around because it’s contagious. Check out the video below and be sure to share your own videos using the hashtag #funfriday so I can see what make you guys smile!

 

 

New post coming on Monday and I’ll be live on Facebook on Wednesday night at 8pm EST so stay tuned!

Have a great weekend and always remember to love and live luxuriously!